What is wrong with me?

[vinnie4604]

I am 25 years old, 6'4", good looking. I have raced stock cars locally and had a moderate amount of success for god sakes. I am a hard worker, never been without a job. I have a family who is moderately well off, not rich, but able to do some racecar stuff which is a fairly expensive hobby. I don't have any luck with girls. So you would think it would be easy for me right? WRONG! I have exhausted online dating sites without much luck.

I was raised in a very religious family. I was homeschooled. They did everything possible to control what influences I had growing up. I have always kind of been a loner as a result. I don't know if I can completely forgive them because they made me such an oddball it was super hard for me to make friends and get a girlfriend after I got out of highschool. Now I think a lot of people in town dodge me because I am seen as a loner. I have a few guy friends I could hang out with but I don't like them. They are *********s. They talk crap about everybody behind their back. I know they talk about me also.


I have had one year and a half relationship with a girl who didn't understand anything. Plus she was a leech, I could spend 2 days straight with her and take her somewhere. 2 days later she would be complaining at me that I never do anything for her. It eventually just self destructed with obvious reasons.

I have been friends with a girl who outweighs me by quite a bit, she is smart, and I respect her. I don't think I can get my heart into it though.

This last weekend I FINALLY got a date with a girl that doesn't outweigh me from an online dating site. She happened to be neighbors with the heavyset girl I am friends with! Now my heavyset friend won't talk to me, and the other girl thinks I'm a cheater! It's written in the stars that I lose with people. I just keep asking myself what is wrong with me? Why can't I get a normal girlfriend? I am not a bad guy are women just trying to make my life difficult?!

I don't know what else to say right know. I have thoughts of suicide. I am having trouble caring about work and have lost interest in hobbies because I am so lonely. What is extra money going to do if I am alone? It's easy for me to be an alchoholic because when I go home and close the door all I feel is pain in my chest. Ultimately I know there is nothing wrong with me. That is why I am so angry and depressed. I look in the mirror and I am normal. It's like life is playing a cruel joke that never ends.

 

[Regumika]

im sorry for your unsuccessful relationships... i know what you mean that life plays cruel jokes. i am kinda like you, no "real" problems except social anxiety, which compounded leads to loneliness.

i was separated from a 3 year relationship because i just simply wasnt the "one", despite everything that ive done. im not as well off as you, but im not poor either. i just dont understand, what do people really want? they get everything except what they want, and when they get it they realize they dont want it.

i feel your pain. and im sorry.. =/ but dont give up!

 

[EveWasFramed]

Hi, Vinnie, and welcome to the forum.

When you examine your own "face value" and deem yourself normal, acceptable, etc. and you still aren't getting what you think you should be getting, it can sometimes mean one of two things.
One, what you see and what others see are two different things.
And two, (the more likely) is that you need to more closely examine what's on the inside instead of what's on the outside.
I do not know you and can't offer up anything more specific than that, but it's been my experience that when it comes to finding a mate, what you look like and what you have/do aren't the only factors you should be focused on.

Again, welcome to the forum.

 

[vinnie4604]

im sorry for your unsuccessful relationships... i know what you mean that life plays cruel jokes. i am kinda like you, no "real" problems except social anxiety, which compounded leads to loneliness.

i was separated from a 3 year relationship because i just simply wasnt the "one", despite everything that ive done. im not as well off as you, but im not poor either. i just dont understand, what do people really want? they get everything except what they want, and when they get it they realize they dont want it.

i feel your pain. and im sorry.. =/ but dont give up!

Thanks Regumika. I am not that well off myself. The racecar is my dads. I am doing ok for 25 years old though. I went out with a normal girl Saturday night. We sat in the coffee shop for 3 1/2 hours and had a great conversation. I could barely get her to stop talking. The next day she decides I'm the bad guy. I get like 3 dates a year. Seems like I am doomed to a life of being societys whipping boy. :club:

---

Hi, Vinnie, and welcome to the forum.

When you examine your own "face value" and deem yourself normal, acceptable, etc. and you still aren't getting what you think you should be getting, it can sometimes mean one of two things.
One, what you see and what others see are two different things.
And two, (the more likely) is that you need to more closely examine what's on the inside instead of what's on the outside.
I do not know you and can't offer up anything more specific than that, but it's been my experience that when it comes to finding a mate, what you look like and what you have/do aren't the only factors you should be focused on.

Again, welcome to the forum.

Hi Eve. I think what I see and what they see may be different. Part of it is I don't have a lot of friends and I didn't go to highschool. So lots of them don't really know me. From my experience it seems like girls try to evaluate guys from a distance. I don't have issues having conversations with girls. It is hard just getting to know them!

I am not only focused on looks. I can't find a girl that I can get into. Either they outweigh me or they have a kid. The rest of them won't give me much of a chance because I am out of their social circle, or they just don't know me. Not quite sure what else to say.

 

[Walley]

I could barely get her to stop talking.

Hint: you aren't even supposed to try to get her to stop talking until the honeymoon! (facepalm)
pre-marriage is when you are supposed to hone your "pretend to be listening" skills.
they come in handy later on.

 

[EveWasFramed]

im sorry for your unsuccessful relationships... i know what you mean that life plays cruel jokes. i am kinda like you, no "real" problems except social anxiety, which compounded leads to loneliness.

i was separated from a 3 year relationship because i just simply wasnt the "one", despite everything that ive done. im not as well off as you, but im not poor either. i just dont understand, what do people really want? they get everything except what they want, and when they get it they realize they dont want it.

i feel your pain. and im sorry.. =/ but dont give up!

Thanks Regumika. I am not that well off myself. The racecar is my dads. I am doing ok for 25 years old though. I went out with a normal girl Saturday night. We sat in the coffee shop for 3 1/2 hours and had a great conversation. I could barely get her to stop talking. The next day she decides I'm the bad guy. I get like 3 dates a year. Seems like I am doomed to a life of being societys whipping boy. :club:

---

Hi, Vinnie, and welcome to the forum.

When you examine your own "face value" and deem yourself normal, acceptable, etc. and you still aren't getting what you think you should be getting, it can sometimes mean one of two things.
One, what you see and what others see are two different things.
And two, (the more likely) is that you need to more closely examine what's on the inside instead of what's on the outside.
I do not know you and can't offer up anything more specific than that, but it's been my experience that when it comes to finding a mate, what you look like and what you have/do aren't the only factors you should be focused on.

Again, welcome to the forum.

Hi Eve. I think what I see and what they see may be different. Part of it is I don't have a lot of friends and I didn't go to highschool. So lots of them don't really know me. From my experience it seems like girls try to evaluate guys from a distance. I don't have issues having conversations with girls. It is hard just getting to know them!

I am not only focused on looks. I can't find a girl that I can get into. Either they outweigh me or they have a kid. The rest of them won't give me much of a chance because I am out of their social circle, or they just don't know me. Not quite sure what else to say.

---

Lol...maybe you should learn to appreciate chubby soccer moms then?

 

[Regumika]

Lol...maybe you should learn to appreciate chubby soccer moms then?

well, i dont want this to turn into an argument, because i know people would comment on what vinnie said too. though i do agree with him and see where he is coming from..

lets just use me as an example. im not into dreadlocks. if a girl has dreadlocks, i immediately do not find them attractive. now, does that say anything about the girl? no, its a preference. but when if i were to say, i dont find heavyset attractive, then people would argue with me "whats wrong with being heavyset?" well... nothing is wrong with them, i just dont like it the same way i dont like dreadlocks.

i know what vinnie is talking about, we all have preferences. we all have yes' and no's, attractive and unattractive traits, likes and dislikes.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Lol...maybe you should learn to appreciate chubby soccer moms then?

well, i dont want this to turn into an argument, because i know people would comment on what vinnie said too. though i do agree with him and see where he is coming from..

lets just use me as an example. im not into dreadlocks. if a girl has dreadlocks, i immediately do not find them attractive. now, does that say anything about the girl? no, its a preference. but when if i were to say, i dont find heavyset attractive, then people would argue with me "whats wrong with being heavyset?" well... nothing is wrong with them, i just dont like it the same way i dont like dreadlocks.

i know what vinnie is talking about, we all have preferences. we all have yes' and no's, attractive and unattractive traits, likes and dislikes.

LOL, no argument - it was a joke.

 

[Regumika]

i knew yours was a joke. i just wanted to address possible future comments that wouldnt be jokes.

 

[Batman55]

Thanks Regumika. I am not that well off myself. The racecar is my dads. I am doing ok for 25 years old though. I went out with a normal girl Saturday night. We sat in the coffee shop for 3 1/2 hours and had a great conversation. I could barely get her to stop talking. The next day she decides I'm the bad guy. I get like 3 dates a year. Seems like I am doomed to a life of being societys whipping boy.

Consider that you could be like me, 32 without ever having been on a single date, and with so much underachievement and self-loathing, I've dug myself a hole that gives me at least a 99.9% chance of remaining the same way for the rest of my life, that is with no dates, and no gf.

I don't mean to make you feel bad for complaining, but I do believe you should realize, you have it a lot better than at least some guys.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Nothing is wrong with you, ultimately.

Sometimes we have trouble finding love. This is true for everyone. It's normal to question it, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen for everyone. Everyone has doubts sometimes.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Welcome to the forum.

Now I'm going to get into some things you said.

I have had one year and a half relationship with a girl who didn't understand anything. Plus she was a leech, I could spend 2 days straight with her and take her somewhere. 2 days later she would be complaining at me that I never do anything for her. It eventually just self destructed with obvious reasons.

That is difficult, been there myself and it isn't a healthy form of a relationship.

I have been friends with a girl who outweighs me by quite a bit, she is smart, and I respect her. I don't think I can get my heart into it though.

This last weekend I FINALLY got a date with a girl that doesn't outweigh me from an online dating site. She happened to be neighbors with the heavyset girl I am friends with! Now my heavyset friend won't talk to me, and the other girl thinks I'm a cheater! It's written in the stars that I lose with people. I just keep asking myself what is wrong with me? Why can't I get a normal girlfriend? I am not a bad guy are women just trying to make my life difficult?!

You deserved that, honestly. Not trying to be mean and make you feel worse but you just don't keep one girl dangling and hook up with another one. I had friend who was overweight when we were younger, it really didn't bother me all that much. Sure I would have liked to see he lose some weight, who wouldn't want someone to be healthier. We ended up going different directions in life and several years later she was back around again, and even bigger. She was pretty much in the obese category, I still cared about her but as heavy as she had gotten it made it hard to see her the same way, I was afraid for her health because of the stress she was under, and it was affecting her hygiene. That is really hard to talk to someone about. People have their preferences, there is nothing wrong with that but if you really care about a person you should find of way of talking about it. Looking for someone new and who happened to be friends with the other girl, you were just asking for a world of trouble, which you got.

I don't know what else to say right know. I have thoughts of suicide. I am having trouble caring about work and have lost interest in hobbies because I am so lonely. What is extra money going to do if I am alone? It's easy for me to be an alchoholic because when I go home and close the door all I feel is pain in my chest. Ultimately I know there is nothing wrong with me. That is why I am so angry and depressed. I look in the mirror and I am normal. It's like life is playing a cruel joke that never ends.

Well, there isn't anything wrong with you despite some mistakes you may have made. Everyone makes mistakes in life, whether its in love, friendships, work, etc. It's taking those mistakes and learning from them and growing as a person. It seems like, to me, that you need to take some time to really figure out who you are and what you are really looking for in life and what you want from it. In the long run do some of the issues you stated in your first post really matter, and if they do, why? What could you have done differently? You've been dealt the deck your life has give you, it's time to shuffle the cards and be the dealer.

 

[vinnie4604]

Sci Fi. I lose respect for anything you say. I did not deserve that. So if you go on a first time date with one girl you can't have had some friendly contact with another girl recently? Horseshit. The fat girl knew we were friends, she just let it hurt her feelings. We can go a half week to 3 weeks without talking. The other girl is a bitch for not giving me the benefit of the doubt. Sex was not involved in this situation. Screw you humanity.

---

Sci fi. You are a woman by the looks the bottom of your profile. lol

 

[Regumika]

Looking for someone new and who happened to be friends with the other girl, you were just asking for a world of trouble

Was this line too harsh? I totally agree with it. Should people behave this way? No, but they do.

I mean, let's put yourself in their shoes. You are friends with this girl, perhaps you even like her. I don't know if she likes you back because you didn't mention if you ever went out with this heavyset girl that you are friends with. Anyways, this girl one day gets a date with your neighbor. How would you feel? Obviously I am giving this example without too much info, so feel free to correct my assumptions and make everything clear.

Also, you sound like you're an alcoholic but at the same time it kind of sounds like sarcasm so you might not even drink at all.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Sci-fi I lose respect for anything you say. I did not deserve that. The fat girl knew we were friends, she just let it hurt her feelings.

And I kind of lost my respect for what you say by the comment above.
You call your friend "the fat girl" instead of referring to her as your "friend."
How do you think she'd feel if she knew you described her as "fat" instead of simply "my friend?"

 

[Triple Bogey]

Sci-fi I lose respect for anything you say. I did not deserve that. The fat girl knew we were friends, she just let it hurt her feelings.

And I kind of lost my respect for what you say by the comment above.
You call your friend "the fat girl" instead of referring to her as your "friend."
How do you think she'd feel if she knew you described her as "fat" instead of simply "my friend?"

I think describing somebody as 'fat' is disgusting !

 

[Batman55]

Sci-fi I lose respect for anything you say. I did not deserve that. The fat girl knew we were friends, she just let it hurt her feelings.

And I kind of lost my respect for what you say by the comment above.
You call your friend "the fat girl" instead of referring to her as your "friend."
How do you think she'd feel if she knew you described her as "fat" instead of simply "my friend?"

You know I just met this tall attractive guy with an amazing job and I'm so excited, he's so much better than the losers I've been getting lately!