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Ladysphinx
Guest
What keeps you from killing your self or how do you fight the thoughts of suicide?
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JamaisVu
Well-known member
Fear of death and an unwillingness to abandon my companion (whom I met on a suicide newsgroup, oddly enough). I may as well make the best of it since I'll die eventually anyway, so long as I'm not miserable.
iris
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The fear of pain actually. But I think I still have what to live for.
I already tried it once when I was psychotic, more than a year ago, it left me with two scars and I was institutionalized for a month. Not a wise thing to do.
I already tried it once when I was psychotic, more than a year ago, it left me with two scars and I was institutionalized for a month. Not a wise thing to do.
Badjedidude
Well-known member
Life is too amazing and surprising for me to want to miss any of it.
edgecrusher
Well-known member
sorry if saying it like this offends anyone here that has had to deal with suicide, but i kind of feels like "the easy way out." there are a few people that i care about enough to not put them through that. and this is how nerdy i am, i think about all the awesome movies and video games i would miss out on.
freedom
Well-known member
my family, particularly my mom, has kept me from going through with it. i can't imagine the pain and sadness that my mom would feel if i were to take my life. i try and imagine her reaction, and it breaks my heart. somehow, i feel that the rest of my family wouldn't be as heavily affected as my mom, and that's why i say that if she were not around to tell me that she loves me and to remind me that i do anything i set my mind to, i probably wouldn't be around either. i'm not saying that i live only for my mom. i am NOT a momma's boy whatsoever. i'm just saying that this life is not worth living, and if it weren't for my mom, i'd probably be dead from a self-inflicted bullet to the head. or from cyanide poisoning.
as for how i fight my thoughts of suicide, i don't. they're a welcome burden. i'm a bit of a masoquist, mainly because i feel that the suffering that i live through makes me stronger. after they arrive and have their fill at torturing me, they just go away and i'm left to slowly recover.
as for how i fight my thoughts of suicide, i don't. they're a welcome burden. i'm a bit of a masoquist, mainly because i feel that the suffering that i live through makes me stronger. after they arrive and have their fill at torturing me, they just go away and i'm left to slowly recover.
C
Callie
Guest
my kids...plain and simple.
Zak
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Nothing really. Just alive cos cant figure out a good simple, non flashy way to die n since this city is still kinda new to me, i dont have enough contacts to get hands on chemical cyanide, if was my hometown, would be dead already. Why take the hard way when there's an eazy way out? Why drive through those bumpy ways when theres plain tarred road this side? I'll hurt more people if i live on than i m gonna hurt if i die now. Plain n simple.
Wait these are my thoughts oh yeah and i think i developed a double personality lately, so lets hear the other me.
If i die now, all my things i use, someone else will start using them....errr no do not want. I will have to destroy all those things first n then die, but after destroying what if death fails?? no... Do not want to die. Rather why die if you can just go out and eat something, wait why are there thoughts of death? Scared of world? Bullshit. You are wicked. If you wanna die, join military and die there so your name will be remembered. Die after you be something in life else the past 24 years would be total waste as you have done nothing to be proud of. Do one thing and be proud and die. Theres a point to that death. Then again why kill yourself? You are gonna die anyway. Is it that theres nothing good to do till you die? Or is it scary to live on till that date? Then die for someone else, sacrifice. You havent done anything good in life till now so do something when you die. If you cant figure out what to then live on to find that. You lived for 24 years in this earth like a freeloader, if you are gonna die, pay something back in atleast your death. Dont be so ******* shameless. Payback what you owe to your parents, friends, caretakers, pets, strangers, world. The necessities you used up till now to live on. Pay it all back and then ******* die and if you cant pay back then shut your mouth and get used to living on.
/rant
Wait these are my thoughts oh yeah and i think i developed a double personality lately, so lets hear the other me.
If i die now, all my things i use, someone else will start using them....errr no do not want. I will have to destroy all those things first n then die, but after destroying what if death fails?? no... Do not want to die. Rather why die if you can just go out and eat something, wait why are there thoughts of death? Scared of world? Bullshit. You are wicked. If you wanna die, join military and die there so your name will be remembered. Die after you be something in life else the past 24 years would be total waste as you have done nothing to be proud of. Do one thing and be proud and die. Theres a point to that death. Then again why kill yourself? You are gonna die anyway. Is it that theres nothing good to do till you die? Or is it scary to live on till that date? Then die for someone else, sacrifice. You havent done anything good in life till now so do something when you die. If you cant figure out what to then live on to find that. You lived for 24 years in this earth like a freeloader, if you are gonna die, pay something back in atleast your death. Dont be so ******* shameless. Payback what you owe to your parents, friends, caretakers, pets, strangers, world. The necessities you used up till now to live on. Pay it all back and then ******* die and if you cant pay back then shut your mouth and get used to living on.
/rant
NeeNeeBird
Active member
I agree with much of the above.
Suicidal thoughts are a daily battle for me, at times being on the forefront of my mind.
But what keeps me from doing it?
Three things:
1.) Pain. The thought of such overwhelming pain to which I would not want to experience. The thought of ******* it up and having to live out my existence as a vegetable. So I tend to just stick to wishing life would take me away when I sleep.
2.) The possibilities of the future. Though the future doesn't look so amazing, I know that there are many ways it can go. The thing I look forward to the most is having someone to love, and I wonder that if I die I might miss out on this opportunity already set for me in the future.
And most importantly,
3.) Family - mainly my mother. From the moment I was born this lady spent her whole life dedicated to making my life easy and enjoyable. She continues to work for her children, providing us more emotional and financial support that I could ever hope for. I guess it would seem such as waste if I ended it all in-spite of all her hard work. She's worked too hard, has too much love. So when I'm really sad, all I think about is having to live for her.
Suicidal thoughts are a daily battle for me, at times being on the forefront of my mind.
But what keeps me from doing it?
Three things:
1.) Pain. The thought of such overwhelming pain to which I would not want to experience. The thought of ******* it up and having to live out my existence as a vegetable. So I tend to just stick to wishing life would take me away when I sleep.
2.) The possibilities of the future. Though the future doesn't look so amazing, I know that there are many ways it can go. The thing I look forward to the most is having someone to love, and I wonder that if I die I might miss out on this opportunity already set for me in the future.
And most importantly,
3.) Family - mainly my mother. From the moment I was born this lady spent her whole life dedicated to making my life easy and enjoyable. She continues to work for her children, providing us more emotional and financial support that I could ever hope for. I guess it would seem such as waste if I ended it all in-spite of all her hard work. She's worked too hard, has too much love. So when I'm really sad, all I think about is having to live for her.
ThatOneDude
Well-known member
My parents would be sad.
apathy
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The possibility of failing the suicide attempt and thus becoming a vegetable. Losing my mobility would mean losing a big part of my independence. Since there's always a possiblity of failure in whatever I do... I would rather see how my life turns out.
There are many activities that I don't ever see myself experiencing or ever wanting to, but I've always been a detached observer anyway. I've come to the realization that happiness is overrated... it's rather a momentary feeling or a slightly prolonged one but never one to stay. Maybe it could.. I think that depends. Hm, perhaps I just want to study the world and its workings for now.
There are many activities that I don't ever see myself experiencing or ever wanting to, but I've always been a detached observer anyway. I've come to the realization that happiness is overrated... it's rather a momentary feeling or a slightly prolonged one but never one to stay. Maybe it could.. I think that depends. Hm, perhaps I just want to study the world and its workings for now.
Nightwatcher
Well-known member
Two things basically. First the will to continue, you know to see if this situation really is as unbearable as i thought it was at that particular moment. I basically told myself that I'll have another go at this to see if I'm making the right decision to end my life, or if its impulsive and desperate.
Secondly the curiosity as to what the future holds for me. If I'm going to be missing out the best time of my life, i don't want to miss it for feeling bad at this moment.
Secondly the curiosity as to what the future holds for me. If I'm going to be missing out the best time of my life, i don't want to miss it for feeling bad at this moment.
Badjedidude
Well-known member
JUST DROPPING BY TO SAY SOMETHING HERE...
Most people have suicidal thoughts. Some have them more frequently than others. That's nothing unnatural or worrying in and of itself. It's natural for a human being to theorize and wonder about their own death, and a self-inflicted death is the easiest way to imagine it happening (because it's something you can control about yourself).
It only becomes a problem when you begin to seriously consider and plan it.
If you notice that your random thoughts or daydreams about it are becoming more organized or obsessing over one particular method of suicide, then it's time to start looking for help.
Most people have suicidal thoughts. Some have them more frequently than others. That's nothing unnatural or worrying in and of itself. It's natural for a human being to theorize and wonder about their own death, and a self-inflicted death is the easiest way to imagine it happening (because it's something you can control about yourself).
It only becomes a problem when you begin to seriously consider and plan it.
If you notice that your random thoughts or daydreams about it are becoming more organized or obsessing over one particular method of suicide, then it's time to start looking for help.
I just have to Imagine my Mom's face... For Just a second... After all she's done for me, how supportive she's been through all the crap i've pulled through this life... It would destroy her, I could never be that selfish.
I think I mentioned this in another thread but the little things I'd miss if I wasn't here, every little tiny thing. That's what got me through and pulled me out of my thoughts. Now I just can't contemplate doing such a thing.
M
Mr. Sir
Guest
It's the most cowardly way out.
There's a few things. *Sigh* First, I fear it might not go as planned. There are some sureway methods, but some of those take time and are painful. I'd like it to be over quick and neat. Maybe dignified, if such a thing is possible.
I thought that jumping might be the best possible way, but there's the chance that I'll traumatize some poor kid for life. And of course, I couldn't do it while my poor ol' mum is still alive. And I'd rather pay back my debt to my older brother before I go. I like to settle my scores, for good and bad. I owe him so much.
Also, I don't believe in an afterlife, reincarnation or eternal damnation. Once I break this weak vessel of a body, it's game over for good. I still have a miniscule grain of hope baked into me which says: 'Maybe tomorrow will be better.' And that's how I keep going on. One day atta time.
In the end I can say that I don't really have any real reasons to keep on going, but no great incentive to end it all at this time. I got some medical problems, and I think I might not be perfectly fine in the head with my constant insomnia, bad social interactions and the occasional deep depressions and anger issues, but that alone isn't enough to drive me over the edge.
I've currently settled the matter with myself in a fashion.
I thought that jumping might be the best possible way, but there's the chance that I'll traumatize some poor kid for life. And of course, I couldn't do it while my poor ol' mum is still alive. And I'd rather pay back my debt to my older brother before I go. I like to settle my scores, for good and bad. I owe him so much.
Also, I don't believe in an afterlife, reincarnation or eternal damnation. Once I break this weak vessel of a body, it's game over for good. I still have a miniscule grain of hope baked into me which says: 'Maybe tomorrow will be better.' And that's how I keep going on. One day atta time.
In the end I can say that I don't really have any real reasons to keep on going, but no great incentive to end it all at this time. I got some medical problems, and I think I might not be perfectly fine in the head with my constant insomnia, bad social interactions and the occasional deep depressions and anger issues, but that alone isn't enough to drive me over the edge.
I've currently settled the matter with myself in a fashion.
Broken_Doll
Well-known member
Because deep down I know I don't really want to die.
Because no matter how many times I tell myself that 'hope' is 'stupid'/'pointless'/'useless'/that 'hope' has gotten me nowhere etc. and that I shouldn't 'hope', I still find myself hoping for something better.
Because I have other living beings to take care of (my animals) and they are my responsibility, they need me and I need them too. They keep me sane, they made me learn patience and unconditional love, they make me laugh, they showed me that my life doesn't have to be as complicated as I often make it, stuff like that, in short I feel I've learned some valuable things from my animals.
Because no matter how much we may fight, I love my family and they love me.
Because my older sister says that my 1 and a half year old nephew adores me and that I am "the bestest auntie".
Because the people in my life need me around to call upon for help with things sometimes.
Because I'd like to give a loving home to some more animals.
Because I'm lazy.
Because I'm cowardly.
Because I'm indecisive.
I don't know, little things...
Because no matter how many times I tell myself that 'hope' is 'stupid'/'pointless'/'useless'/that 'hope' has gotten me nowhere etc. and that I shouldn't 'hope', I still find myself hoping for something better.
Because I have other living beings to take care of (my animals) and they are my responsibility, they need me and I need them too. They keep me sane, they made me learn patience and unconditional love, they make me laugh, they showed me that my life doesn't have to be as complicated as I often make it, stuff like that, in short I feel I've learned some valuable things from my animals.
Because no matter how much we may fight, I love my family and they love me.
Because my older sister says that my 1 and a half year old nephew adores me and that I am "the bestest auntie".
Because the people in my life need me around to call upon for help with things sometimes.
Because I'd like to give a loving home to some more animals.
Because I'm lazy.
Because I'm cowardly.
Because I'm indecisive.
I don't know, little things...
