what the eff am I going to do?

[digammawahid]

So I just moved across the country, from Maryland to Seattle to be specific. I don't know anyone here, and I'm starting to realize that as far as loneliness goes, I am really screwed.

I don't want to fall in the same rut I was in before, but I just have no idea how to go about meeting people. I know I need to "join a club" or "go to a bar" or "volunteer" or something, but all those idea just never seem to translate into any real action. There are always problems; for example I found this hiking group that I thought might be fun, but it was huge, and everyone already knew each other, and there weren't any members in their twenties, and so on. I havent had much luck finding other such organizations either. I could go hang out in bars and coffee shops and whatever, but its always so awkward just hanging out alone. And it is actually really hard to find a good place to volunteer where what you are doing is actually helpful, or even where its not actively unhelpful.

And all that is pretty much irrelevant anyway; even if I could find a good place to meet people, I find it pretty much impossible to start a conversation with a stranger, keep it going once it starts, or translate a few isolated meetings into a more solid friendship.

I have been trying to stay positive, but I am starting to feel like I am doomed to a miserable, boring, lonely life.

 

[bannerwave]

yooo bro i made a thread with conversation tips that might help you be able to hold a conversation better

its long but its works if you apply it

http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-tips-for-socializing-and-conversation-with-people-long

 

[Sci-Fi]

Keep joining groups, don't give up. It's really hard when you move someplace new and don't know anyone, especially if you are the shy introverted type. See if there are any singles groups out there, that might help.

 

[LoneKiller]

Volunteer to help work in the sick children's ward of the hospital.

 

[lola bunny]

i know how you feel !! this is exactly my problem no matter how hard i try to join something it turns out to be a failure , but try to search more and eventually you will find something that suits you and by the way you will get used to people even if they know eachother , try groups that share your same interests

 

[Barbaloot]

I don't have any advice, but I can certainly relate. I've had this problem a lot. And often a huge factor in my moving so frequently would be because I could make no meaningful social life where I'd find myself, would become completely isolated, miserable, and would move and hope for the best in the next place. It never worked out.

I never knew what to do to change it either. The most I've ever been able to manage have been a few false friends and acquaintances.

I'm still currently pretty much in the same situation, with even less of a clue about what to do. Everyone here has kids or is elderly, it kind of leaves me out.

So, I do hope you find something. But I don't know what. Maybe there are other members here who are in Seattle? Or maybe you can find classes to take?

 

[digammawahid]

Thanks for your replies. I think that I am going to get professional help I am starting to realize that the problem isn't so much finding ways to meet people, but what happens after I meet them. I have been trying to change my life on my own for so long, but nothing has really worked, so I think the only way I'll have a chance is if i get help.

 

[shadowcat2]

I lived in the Puget Sound area for 4 and a half years. I do not know what you may like, but scuba diving is big in that area. You can meet many peoples who have many interests beyond diving. Volunteering is also good. And I am a hypocrite saying, you just have to keep trying and never give up. I say I am a hypocrite because I have given up on myself and no longer care about me, but I keep going to help others. Get out of the rut, before you get stuck.

Good luck.

 

[nerdygirl]

It always sucks when you're new and everybody else already knows each other. I really doubt going to counseling is going to make a difference when it comes to this aspect of your life. If you have other issues, though, go for it.

 

[Winterlong]

volunteer or just take some courses of something you may like...
eventualy. if you dont start a conversation with someone, some will talk to you.
bars and clubs are not the best way to know people. for sex maybe. for friends... not really.

 

[nerdygirl]

bars and clubs are not the best way to know people. for sex maybe. for friends... not really.

Thank God. Somebody else here knows that, too.