What would you do?

[danw]

Hi, 

What would you do in this situation? It might sound a very small problem but it happens to me all the time and you will probably understand me better than other people.

I am all alone for many years and I started going to a Starbucks café every day just to walk, leave home and interact and see people a little bit. I have been going for about one year.

So, in one of the first days I ordered a cake and I found it had a very bad taste, as if it was sour. So I approached the bar and told the baristas about it in a very polite way. They told me they were fresh made, offered me another one, and I accepted it. But it happened to be same bad. I didn't say anything else and ate it. When I was leaving, the guy in charge asked me about it and I said that I didn't like and that it was then a problem of my taste if it was fresh made. I said it with a smile and extremely polite manners. I really didn't give it much importance, but apparently they did.

After that, I started to notice the guys were kind of unfriendly to me. One of these situations where you recognize something is wrong and you are not welcome. They just don't smile or their body language speaks out. I have been going for one year, so I have seen them many times and can tell the difference in their expressions when someone is new and smiles open and frankly because he or she is not aware of me being "an *******" or whatever they think of me.

So, in spite I have felt that I kept going because I really like and enjoy and even need the place. I just order my coffee and spend an hour there reading the internet in my small laptop. I don't speak with anyone, have never complaint about anything else, I am very polite, don't disturb...

But one day one of the girls called me by my name and asked her how she knew it and she said "because you come every day and you don't like our cinamon rolls". And didn't say it with a smile as joking in confidence. She said it with a bad irony. I ignored it and kept going trying to ignore them and do my own life for my own good.

But today I went and again the same girl helped me at the desk and asked "you don't want anything else, not a cinnamon roll...".

And I got frozen. I am a very anxious person with nervous disease and depression, as most people who are lonely, and I was abot to reply to her, and when I do that, my adrenaline betrays me and I get too anxious and clumsy, I am really shy and people notice and usually abuse me. So I always try to avoid conrontation because I always lose and feel awful.

So, I was very angry inside and I don't know what to do. I was thinking of calling customer service of Starbucks, but if I do that, I will have to stop going there. I will even feel anxious when walking by every day, and another problem is that there is no other café in town where I can sit and read so comfortably for one hour every day. The place is just what I like and what I need.

I am sure if the owners knew, they would support me, but the truth is that these employees at the end act like bullies when a customer protests about something. A real owner takes good care of regular customers. I trule spend a lot of money there a month. But employees are different and can be real j*rks. Specially because they are young students passing by, not real professionals who depend 100% on the job and take good care of their customers.

What do you think? I would like that stupid girl to receive a warning at least and also want the owners to know how their employees behave when a customer complains about something with total education and legitimate reasons. The cakes are very expensive and the quality is just awful. I never order them, just coffee, which is not good either, but the place is the best.

Thanks.

 

[kamya]

Do you think it's possible that she was joking around and you are just bad at reading situations because of your anxiety making you assume the worst of these kinds of situations?

To me it reads like she was just joking around or being playful with a regular customer.

 

[danw]

Thank you for your answer.

Yes and no. Yes, she was joking, but it meant that the cake incident has been a very big deal for them and my bad feelings everyday were real, not my imagination.

Why are they talking about me for complaining very politely about a cake that tastes bad and old? I can't stand it. Plus this annoying habit of Starbucks of calling you by your name everytime you go there as if you were a relative or friend. I am an old man and being called by my first name is a lack of respect unless you tell them they can do it. They are like 20 people rotating every day and it doesn't feel good when all of them call you by your first name and then you feel they look weird at you. I am not paranoid at all, I know it's not a big deal, but it just would make anyone uncomfortable in a place where you go to spend your money and relax for one hour.

 

[Drew]

Clearly for her to know about the issue with the rolls you have been spoken about, but you can't change that. Even telling the owners won't change that. They would have to fire the entire crew and replace them.

I think you should try to acknowledge her if she does it again. Not confront. Simply tell her "Just the coffee. The cinnamon rolls are too sweet for my tastes." You aren't confronting but that is something that she could relate to. If you can, say it with a smile. You enjoy the location. You may not like the food or the coffee that much, but you need this place. Be kind and smile to them and it will change their view on you.

It's funny that you say they know your name. I go there often and when I give them my wife's order, they know her name. When I give them my son's order, they know his name. They do not know my name. Once they even put *Jane's Husband on the cup. They haven't put *John's Father on a cup yet, so that is good.

Sadly, it might be too late to fix the name issue, but should they ask, tell them Mr. "Lastname". See if that works.

 

[Celt]

They sound OK in there. That's just banter, playful teasing. 

I also don't like cinnamon cakes, but I would probably just say it wasn't to my taste, rather than saying that it tasted bad. That is unless I felt very strongly that there was something wrong with it.

I wonder if they  had understood your shy/anxious disposition? Perhaps if they knew it would help. 

I think they like to know their customers and being on first name terms with them helps to keep a friendly atmosphere (perhaps). I also wonder if it might be Starbucks policy for staff to address customers by first name? Just an idea.

 

[danw]

Hi Drew, thank you for your answer and nice to meet you.

How come you feel lonely when you have a family?

I am not sure I understand well what you mean by acknowledge her. I am from Europe and my English is limited.

Would you keep going there?

I am a very friendly person, always smile and I am very kind. I am 52 now and I have been alone for many years, but when I was young I had lots of friends, I was a public relations, I organized activities at school and at the university, I knew people everywhere, had pretty girl-friends, I was popular let's say. Life changes a lot. It's not that I am a weirdo, on the opposite, I have always been a pacifier, a public relations always diplomatic and avoiding conflicts everywhere. always with good mood, etc. But I am terribly sick in my nerves and my reactions to stress, to any little thing mean amazing adrenaline and a feeling of panic attack all the time. I have panic disorder, agoraphobia, etc.

Thanks.

 

[danw]

Hello Celt, thank you for your answer, are you from Ireland or Scotland? I have celtic roots from my father's side, from a celtic region of Europe. Not the UK though. My brother plays the celtic pipe.

It is probably a policy of Starbucks here, as they do the same in every shop, to call you by your name as soon as they see you. "Hey Daniel" and they try to rremember what you always order. Now, to me it's an American sales habit that we don't like in here. We prefer distance and due respect. I think it's a mistake on their side, a wrong international marketing policy (that was my business).

Maybe she has been just clumsy, but it hurts, and it hurts mostly due to my situation and senstivity. I feel ashamed of going there alone every day. This proves people talk so fast and so bad always. And they see a lonely man every day, and you start noticing they feel uncomfortable with you and so you do too. There is some paranoia as they don't care, but we feel people's feelings of appreciation or rejection. And it really hurts. All I want is to hide, be anonymous, but it's impossible once you go to some place a coupld of times and people will start noticing you and observing more who you are.