What's my deal?

[Tigerdrum]

I feel so empty, I know it sounds cliche but I don't know how else to describe it. Right now i hate everything about me, I tried to turn things around and make myself feel better so I hung out with an old friend from high school, he was actually my best friend and I still feel lonely and empty inside. I get like this from time to time and I don't know why, I just feel so drained, like I don't want to do anything. I think about my job, my family, my car and while a few people would love to be in my shoes i feel nothing but contempt and all i see are the negatives. Although I suppose if you ask people who knew me they'd say

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(cont'd)
"Oh Tigerdrum? he's an optimist for sure!"
But in truth when I tell people to look at the bright side I don't know if I'm trying to convince them or myself. When I actually socialized with people I spent most of the time playing the advisor for they're stupid high school dramas and just for once it'd would be nice to have someone to complain about nothing to, but it feels like I really have no one to confess to.
I know I'm young and I have my "whole life ahead of me" but what really lies ahead? More schooling? paying off college debt? slaving away JUST so i can keep my head above the water while the child of some Hollywood ****** coasts through life? It makes me want to say **** it all to be quite honest. I HATE what I've become and who I'm destined to be, I HATE that i feel isolated, I just wish I could cry because then at least I could express what I'm really feeling for once but I just can't. I probably sound like a self centered over privileged college kid right now or worse but I had to get this out, because I literally have nowhere else to go.

 

[Randywaldo]

I know exactly how you feel. I was married for 20 plus years and felt that way often. It would seem I have always felt empty and drained. I often lose intrests in everything. I can't even keep a normal hobby because aftr a bit I just don't care about it. I have loads of friends at work and several long term friendships but none of that seems to cure me from these feelings. I have found that being able to talk openly about it helps alot.

 

[Tigerdrum]

I'd like to talk openly but i can't really afford a therapist at the moment and whenever I do actually start to talk about how I feel my voice shakes and I sound like I'm about to cry, so of course my pride wont let me do so.