When is it going to be over?

[lucrezia3333]

Posted about a month ago on how to get over my break-up. Been quite distracted since then. My ex was trying to contact me online cause I'm keeping a private blog as a diary and he found out about it and he insulted me for posting personal things online about us. He called me a gossiper and a retard.

Been keeping busy lately, going out with friends and stuff but all this nonesence with my ex is really bringing me down sometimes. He re-activated his facebook account about 5 days ago (he hates facebook) to try and "re-connect" with his friends but I know he's just doing it to spite me and piss me off, cause in one of my blog posts I wrote that he drove his friends apart and it was his fault he's left all alone.

And now he's re-adding everyone except me just to show everyone he's single and he's over me. Also he's been talking trash to our mutual (and non-mutual) friends, telling them I was the reason he broke-up with me, whilst is clearly not true.

He broke-up with me cause he said he wanted to find himself and for his own selfish reasons, and that he loves me but he loves himself more. But to others he keeps saying that he broke-up with me cause I was getting insanely jealous of every female that would approach him (which is not true cause I was very friendly to his girl-friends).

Today I was watching a TV Series on Lifetime ('The Client List') and there was this really passionate kiss on TV and I burst into tears in front of my brother. I mean I'm much better since 2 months ago when I was crying all day long, but sometimes it does get me down that this man I thought he loved me will never kiss me again and will never love me again.

Now my ex hates me and thinks the worst of me, and I know I shouldn't care and move on, and I am but slowly. I just miss the way I felt, the way he loved me, the way he made me feel, and I feel so sad we ended up hating each other.

I called him last week and told him not to badger me again (online) through his insults. Although I hate the fact that I was nasty and cruel to him, and now he lashes back by calling me names and stuff, I think it's better for my sanity.

I love him very much still I'm afraid, and I wish I didn't. I wish it would fade away and I wouldn't miss his touch or his kisses so much. And I wish that all these hate and anger could go away between us. Now it won't, cause he holds grudges a lot, and he will never forgive me for writing that blog (which I have now deleted and the sole reason I started it in the first place was to write down my thoughts and feelings without knowing that he was reading it, and I was careful enough not to let any of our mutual friends read it).

I wish things hadn't turned out the way they did... :'~(

 

[Broken_n_Lost]

Hey, Im sorry to hear about your regrets but your ex seems like a bit of a wasteman (sorry if I offended you), but he has got a lot of underlying issues that only he can address. It seems to me that he doesnt want to let you go (since he is checking up on you online), its good that you told to stop. wWhen I cut off from people they are cut off for life, they cant find me on FB, I delete all my emails from them so no reminders and cease contact. I think you are doing well hon, it is natural to feel upset and mourn for an ex (it is part of the healing process). And sometimes things happen for a reason...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

sorry you're going through that.

I basically went through the samething not too long ago.
We didnt do the FB games stuff.
Got into a nasty argument and said some very crule stuff to each other, though.
Its all retarded wierd...she was screaming her heart out telling me she loves me...
I still love her lots too.
Wish things turns out dfferent...
yeah...I was watching a movie. then the sentimetal stuff came on. i started crying.

However I know crying is a part of healing.
I had to use some self help healing meditations walk through several times.
You cry, forgive, let go and all of that...process your emotions.

I write a lot of **** about her on here.lmao
Not so much to attact her or assasinate her..Just alot of personal stuff
of crap i had to get out of me. Its part of healing.
I dont hate her...i just had a lot of negative thoughts and emotions towards her.

I spoke to people about her...
I love her very much. I have to let that part of me out or express that part of me too.

I feel better as time gose by and as i heal...like around 3 months for me.

I go out and stuff too...