Where do I draw the line?

[RH272]

I started working as a 19 year old in 2023. Still living with my parents.

About 6 months ago, the company who my dad works for started falling apart. It is a dealership. (He has worked for this company for about 10 years now. )

Since then(since 6 months ago), the company is carring only 1 item in stock,1! Indicating there are problems. Since Covid, my father's salary has been cut in half and he mainly works on commission. So for 4 years now he has been on this half salary.

So at the beginning of this year, my dad made an ultimatum to me and my mother one night. We either help him pay the bills or he is going to leave us. Just for context, we were already sharing bills between family members. This has now come from making no sales and trying to pay everything from a salary cut in half from 4 years ago.

So I started helping him with money, thinking this would only be for a short while untill things get better at his workplace. I now pay our rent, TV and fuel. Rest is split between my father and mother. Month after month goes by where he always comes to me at the end of the month and ask to help with the additional bills this month. I then have about 20% left of my salary to save towards my future. Every cent I have I will put in my savings account to save for my future. I rarely spend money on things that I want.

So after 2 months, we started asking my dad, what is going on at his workplace. He simply replies and says "I don't know ". Apparently he asked the owner several times what is going on and the reply was that he will be informed soon.

Still, nothings has happened. My dad goes to work where there are no inhouse stock. Why would someone walk into a store standing emty. So there is no customers. I get so mad when I think about his. He goes to work where there is nothing happening and him wasting his time like that. We looked at other jobs in the area, but there are nothing available for someone that didn't have additional education.

Where do I draw the line in terms of helping with the paying of bills? They have supported me and paid all my bills as a child. I now live in their house as an adult so paying a certain amount for rent is understandable. I feel like if I just keep on paying the bills there is no motivation for my dad to either look for another job or get to the bottom of what is happening at his place of work. This is also affecting my future in terms of my savings account.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Tricky question, because it is THEIR house, not yours. You are, essentially, just a guest, even if you are their child. Have you looked around for how much it would cost you if you moved out? I would start there. I'm not saying you have to move out, just figure out how much you would be paying if you were on your own. Would it be more than you are paying now? Would it be less? If it's less, I would consider making an argument of that, but you would also have to be prepared to actually move out if it came down to it. I don't know if your parents would go that far or not, obviously. You should definitely stand up for yourself, if you feel you are being taken advantage of, but at the same time, if you do that, you have to be prepared for the consequences.

 

[Unsigned]

So it's an auto dealership with no cars?
I am not really getting the picture here.
I know for a fact that selling cars is a very rough business.
My cousin tried to do that and he failed miserably. Part of the reason being not enough cars on the lot.

Yeah, like Callie said, you are an adult now.
Think about moving out.
Hope better luck finds your dad.

 

[Jackie]

... Since then(since 6 months ago), the company is carring only 1 item in stock,1! Indicating there are problems. Since Covid, my father's salary has been cut in half and he mainly works on commission. So for 4 years now he has been on this half salary.

Ag nee!

Where do I draw the line in terms of helping with the paying of bills?.

It depends upon your culture. Are you Xhosa, Swazi, Afrikaner, English?

 

[Abstamyous]

I lived in a similar situation, although I'm much older than you now.

I think it comes down to an acceptance we have to have as adults. No matter what you do, you're going to have to pay your way somehow. The fact that you can put whatever is left into savings, is certainly a bonus. Moving out on your own, and getting set up into your own lifestyle can certainly slow that down.

I am sorry that your father approached the topic with threats of leaving. A few times, I was told to "find the door" if I didn't like how things were. It's hard to feel compelled to help people, when they've already decided to put a foot out the door. I imagine this has created some form of resentment/guilt in you and your mother.

I would urge you to sit down with yourself, and really look into what you are actually capable of doing financially. You are at a point in your life, when you can find the real power to change the course of your life. And that should be your priority. When I finally decided I was ready to move on with my life, I gave myself a deadline and stuck to it.

I doubt your father's situation is going to get better until he is forced to make it better, especially if he is operating on boiling over pride and guilt.

 

[RH272]

So it's an auto dealership with no cars?
I am not really getting the picture here.
I know for a fact that selling cars is a very rough business.
My cousin tried to do that and he failed miserably. Part of the reason being not enough cars on the lot.

Yeah, like Callie said, you are an adult now.
Think about moving out.
Hope better luck finds your dad.

Hi. Yes, you are correct. Auto Dealer with 0 stock. I think the branch is going under anyway. The manager just doesn't want to tell that to the few employees left there.

Most of them have seen this comming since a few months ago, so they left, knowing that there is no future there

 

[RH272]

Ag nee!

It depends upon your culture. Are you Xhosa, Swazi, Afrikaner, English?

Hi @Jackie , ek is 'n Afrikaner

 

[Unsigned]

Hi. Yes, you are correct. Auto Dealer with 0 stock. I think the branch is going under anyway. The manager just doesn't want to tell that to the few employees left there.

Most of them have seen this comming since a few months ago, so they left, knowing that there is no future there

Very rough situation.
My cousin was nearly homeless in this situation.
Living in a cheap motel despite working 70 hours a week.

 

[Jackie]

Hi @Jackie , ek is 'n Afrikaner

Hallo, RH! Ek het dit nie geweet nie. I lived in Rhodesia in last part of the mid and late 1970s and I travelled much in the RSA during that time. Aangename kennis!

 

[Solanini]

It sounds like your Dad is being a bit selfish.

 

[Thomas]]

It is a tricky situation, as mentioned before by others. But I can't imagine a good reason that a decent father would turn around and give an ultimatum like that. If you don't pay anything, I'm leaving you both? This does not show any solidarity or togetherness. Shouldn't the message be, if you don't pay anything, we're all going to struggle together?

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to help your parents financially during the difficult period, but I share your concern about your dads motivations, especially given that he presented you both with an ultimatum like that to secure the money.

Well done you for keeping your family afloat financially. You're doing great. Keep pushing / motivating your dad to own his income situation pro-actively. If he continues not being able to do that, maybe you need to put yourself first for a period of time... get your own place, be self sustaining, then you can work out what you can put aside to help your family if necessary.

By regularly putting others first short-term, while amazing, you are putting your future at risk longer-term. I'm sure your mum and dad will be conscious of this, so maybe an open conversation with them about the situation and your feelings would be best.

You will be fine! Keep trying your best, you will find a way forward I'm sure.
Thomas.