troubled said:
do i blame it on where i live? my upbringing?
ermm well for starters, I think you shouldn't blame anyone or anything from your past. It happened and there's nothing you can do about it. But it doesn't mean that your past, the way you were brought up or where you live is who you will be for the rest of your life. What I am saying is, we can change ourselves to be the person we want to be. Gradually, very slowly, tough, hard, but we can.
troubled said:
it just feels that everyone else my age has formed some kind of niche they are identified with, wheras i dont know where i fit in?
Secondly, I thought everyone has found their place in this world too and I pity myself for being so lost, but if you look closely at everyone and observe people, we are all the same. trying to get to know ourselves, trying to find our place in this world, whether one is 20+, 30+ or older, you can never be sure that one has find her/his real self and purpose. Doubts and confusion are always part of life and how we navigate our way through it is what matters.
troubled said:
why i am so reclusive.. i just wish i had a life now. i am a very self concious person which doesnt help, but this is beyond a joke now. i dont want it to be another lonely summer
Don't force yourself to be this and that. And don't worry too much. You may feel you're very old and time is running out but if you sit and relax, you'll soon realize that you're only pressuring yourself. Just take it easy, do what you must in order to do what you want. And you never know, maybe your interest in movies will make a movie critique or a film producer out of you. A guitarist doesn't play guitar because he is a guitarist or because that's what a guitarist's suppose to do, he plays because he likes to.
Anyway, this is just my opinion but I hope it helps somehow. Goodluck