Why are people so untrusting

[VanillaCreme]

Can't you just be satisfied with helping?

Maybe they're right to be wary of a complete stranger. Some people are dangerous and there's no way of knowing who. If it weren't the case they'd be no need for prisons.

I think some people think others should think highly of them. Helping someone should be enough. But then some folks want a pat on the back and to be commended for their good-doing. And perhaps that equates, to them, that people shouldn't be wary of them or distrust them.

 

[ardour]

Can't you just be satisfied with helping?

Maybe they're right to be wary of a complete stranger. Some people are dangerous and there's no way of knowing who. If it weren't the case they'd be no need for prisons.

I think some people think others should think highly of them. Helping someone should be enough. But then some folks want a pat on the back and to be commended for their good-doing. And perhaps that equates, to them, that people shouldn't be wary of them or distrust them.

A bit harsh. Maybe looking for instant connections with stranger might be asking a bit much though.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Can't you just be satisfied with helping?

Maybe they're right to be wary of a complete stranger. Some people are dangerous and there's no way of knowing who. If it weren't the case they'd be no need for prisons.

I think some people think others should think highly of them. Helping someone should be enough. But then some folks want a pat on the back and to be commended for their good-doing. And perhaps that equates, to them, that people shouldn't be wary of them or distrust them.

A bit harsh. Maybe looking for instant connections with stranger might be asking a bit much though.

What I said was harsh?

 

[Tealeaf]

Have we all been screwed over so much that we cant trust a stranger ?

In short, yes. Some people I might trust depending on how they present themselves and my mood at the time, but for the most part no if I think they have something to gain and they seem to be going out of their way. There just aren't significantly more people doing kindness for no reason than there are people being kind to get favors and endear themselves to others.

It's not the media, it's how actual people have actually treated me throughout my life. Nor is it me, as I regularly help people without asking a thing in return. But I don't brag about my deeds, as that defeats the purpose of doing them in the first place.

When you've been burned by the same damn thing 20+ times, you get tired of taking a chance on the idea that this individual might be different even if the signs say "be careful". You start to see the patterns in manipulation when the very first words of the same old lie come out of someone's mouth, and after awhile you're sick of saying, "Well, maybe I'm being too judgmental. Maybe they're being honest and just phrasing it funny."

 

[LonelySutton]

You start to see the patterns in manipulation when the very first words of the same old lie come out of someone's mouth, and after awhile you're sick of saying, "Well, maybe I'm being too judgmental. Maybe they're being honest and just phrasing it funny."

Though I certainly have had my share of personal non-trust worthies... is it me or is it a little scary to just see how untrustworthy people truly are. Just off the top of my head Cosby is pretty darn scary. But there probably isn't a day where there isn't a story of some seemingly normal person who does something like lure kids in his employ to his house and attack them.

A few years ago I worked for something who, by all accounts should have been a great person. But I can't shake the feeling now that I am more familiar with "grooming" that his kindness was "grooming". I don't know what exactly he was grooming me for but I get the feeling if he had his opportunity he would have taken it. I definitely have trust issues but... I now think my lack of trust has protected me as those who would do me harm got the clear message that I wouldn't be someone who would be open to them.

I find an untrustworthy situation on a daily basis.

 

[BadGuy]

I find an untrustworthy situation on a daily basis.

REALLY ?

 

[VanillaCreme]

I find an untrustworthy situation on a daily basis.

REALLY ?

Well, it's not impossible.

 

[Digitales]

The human mind entertains that certain things are true by experience and self talk. If you get bitten by every dog you meet, you may believe all dogs are vicious and there is nothing that anyone can say to convince your subconscious otherwise.

The subconscious is like a person sitting in a dark room, cut off from everything.. except a few times a day, you pick up the phone and tell it things. These things are often self affirmations, such as "I am good/bad", "I am worthy/unworthy", etc.

Your observations are also passed to your subconscious. Critical thought is the skill of looking at everything you pass to your subconscious and inspecting it for truth. Are all dogs vicious? No.

Your perception is shaped by that subconscious. Next time you see a dog, is it seen as vicious or not?

Better than the subconscious, is your executive thought center. If you rely on your conscious, developed mind to evaluate every situation instead of your subconscious the "fight or flight" reflex calms down. You perceive a lot more than you did before. You make everything a choice, instead of a reflex.

In short, if you keep your mind open and filter untrue, biased or toxic thoughts, you will begin to notice more about everything. Your perception changes and you make better decisions. Perhaps you identify why a person lied to you, maybe you get better at picking the telltale signs of a lie... soon enough, you don't believe all people are liars, but you can pick the ones that do.

The less you believe, the more you learn.

Not everybody is untrustworthy, it is true that many are liars. All have a reason. Find a persons greatest desires, fears and dreams, and you will go a long way to understanding that person. Nobody lies to you for no reason.

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”
― Plato, The Republic

 

[VanillaCreme]

You can't tell people what to believe though. That's no one's decision to make but the individual's.

 

[Digitales]

You can't tell people what to believe though. That's no one's decision to make but the individual's.

I am not telling anybody what to believe.

What I stated is that our minds have a few weaknesses, evolutionary "loose ends", if you will. When we become aware of our weaknesses, we can make better choices.

That is also what they mean when they say, "Know thyself".

I haven't haven't told anybody to do anything.

 

[LonelySutton]

I find an untrustworthy situation on a daily basis.

REALLY ?

Well, it's not impossible.
[/quote]

it doesn't always have to rise to the level of a massive betrayal. Sometimes at work a co worker will ask you something and you say "X" and co worker tells everyone you said x plus z. Sometimes you have to know how to answer based on how untrustworthy the person is. For instance people call me at work with questions and I never answer the phone because once you connect and have a phone call, that person can say you said anything. But now I let them (or force them) to leave a message OR e-mail me. That way I have a record of everything.

 

[Estrus]

In the context of the original situation: trying to help changes tires, woman freaks out - I would probably be cautious with a male stranger myself. Especially since women have to worry about crazy rapists out there and statistically speaking anyone can be a potential rapist/mugger/murderer - (not saying you are). You watch enough of the news it will get you scared enough.

Been thinking about this topic quite a bit and I think most people, especially lonely people are very untrusting because of the amount of predators out there. Not just talking about murderers and rapist (yikes) but there are people out there that can read a lonely person or a person going through hard times in general and take advantage of them. Psychics and the "spiritually awakened" made entire businesses off of taking advantage of lost lonely people and basically stealing their money. Lots of people out there pretending to care but they are really out to steal something from you or further their little agendas.

 

[Tealeaf]

In the context of the original situation: trying to help changes tires, woman freaks out - I would probably be cautious with a male stranger myself. Especially since women have to worry about crazy rapists out there and statistically speaking anyone can be a potential rapist/mugger/murderer - (not saying you are). You watch enough of the news it will get you scared enough.

Been thinking about this topic quite a bit and I think most people, especially lonely people are very untrusting because of the amount of predators out there. Not just talking about murderers and rapist (yikes) but there are people out there that can read a lonely person or a person going through hard times in general and take advantage of them. Psychics and the "spiritually awakened" made entire businesses off of taking advantage of lost lonely people and basically stealing their money. Lots of people out there pretending to care but they are really out to steal something from you or further their little agendas.

Yep. Violent criminals might choose their targets based on who looks unconfident, small, or weak.

Even on websites for anxiety, depression, or loneliness I wind up a mark. I sometimes get men who sign up, don't post, and just scour the site for women PMing me with flattery like I'm too stupid to tell what's going on. On one forum there were guys who didn't even have anxiety who'd PM the women and get aggressive with some of them.

 

[LonelySutton]

Been thinking about this topic quite a bit and I think most people, especially lonely people are very untrusting because of the amount of predators out there. Not just talking about murderers and rapist (yikes) but there are people out there that can read a lonely person or a person going through hard times in general and take advantage of them.

Yes there are scammers that attempt to pray on people that live alone. Sending them letters that look real that say they won the lottery or something but have to pay 10 K to get it. They often presume that single lonely people have a better chance of being fooled as there is no one to tell them, this is a scam.

It does sort of depress me to think that animals run around in packs for protection and they kind of have a point there. I wish I had been hip to this when I was younger and people didn't echew "peer" pressure. Which made me be independent.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

It could also be paranoia. People probably went through something traumatic. I usually can tell when someone is nervous, they fidget in there in chair, twirl they're thumbs around, won't make eye contact, pushing people away. I'm comfortable around total strangers who I barely even know. I like making people feel good about themselves and anytime I'm nice to others, they look at me and question my motives. So yeah, I totally can relate to how you feel.

 

[BadGuy]

It could also be paranoia. People probably went through something traumatic. I usually can tell when someone is nervous, they fidget in there in chair, twirl they're thumbs around, won't make eye contact, pushing people away. I'm comfortable around total strangers who I barely even know. I like making people feel good about themselves and anytime I'm nice to others, they look at me and question my motives. So yeah, I totally can relate to how you feel.

yes thats it

 

[LonesomeDay]

[...] Even on websites for anxiety, depression, or loneliness I wind up a mark. I sometimes get men who sign up, don't post, and just scour the site for women PMing me with flattery like I'm too stupid to tell what's going on. [...]

Yes, those who have contributed nothing to the forums (including a blank profile) yet claim to have read all my posts and have everything in common with me - yet cannot remember the most basic information that I have divulged about myself in forum postings.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Most likely because of past experiences, someone/or many people have broken their trust so it's harder to believe what people say anymore.