Why are women so terrifying?

[Edward W]

Just go for it.

You may talk to and be rejected by 99 out of 100 men/women you approach, but if you find that special one, will it be worth it?

If you never speak to anyone you will never meet anyone.

Easy to say I know, but people in relationships are no different from anyone else. They just took a breath and took that risk, opening themselves to some possible hurt... but also the possibilities of being with someone.

 

[EveWasFramed]

This is a sexist joke, so no one beat me, but I read somewhere that the reason women are so terrifying is because we can bleed for 7 days straight and not DIE. LOL

OK, that was bad. Someone feel free to flog me now.

 

[Edward W]

* Banning account - EveWasFramed *

:club:

 

[EveWasFramed]

* Banning account - EveWasFramed *

:club:

OK...the one and ONLY time you will get away with clubbing me. I totally deserved it.
But...you have to admit that was funny, considering the title of the thread.

 

[Edward W]

I guess Okay. Ban lifted!!!

 

[Batman55]

Just go for it.

You may talk to and be rejected by 99 out of 100 men/women you approach, but if you find that special one, will it be worth it?

I hate to simplify things like this, but this 99 out of 100 analogy is used so often here that I have to wonder, is it true that you really need to deal with that much rejection if you happen to be shy/socially anxious/different in some way?

 

[Mike413]

You are terrified because your mind is making it out to be more than what it is. You go up to a woman and you talk to her. If she ignores you then don't take that as a sign of rejection. Maybe she's in a bad mood. Maybe you aren't her type. So what? Who cares? If she's the kind of woman who thinks she is doing you a big favor by talking to you or if she is that rude that she can't be friendly then you really don't want to have much to do with a woman like that anyway do you? You move on until you find a friendly woman. It's that simple. You just keep moving on. Not all women on the planet will be stuck up or rude so you just have to keep that in mind. I think women are probably just as afraid of you as you are of them. Think what could be going on in her mind. She could be thinking "who is this guy?Is he a rapist? I don't know this guy I should be careful and not say too much. He might get the wrong idea...etc etc. Just take it slow and don't show too much interest too soon. Let her earn it. Let her talk about herself and get to know you as much as you are trying to get to know her. It has to be fifty fifty or close to it otherwise you wind up doing all the work and you'll just come across as needy. You don't want that. If that happens just excuse yourself and talk to someone who is friendlier and more interested in getting to know. Good luck.

---

There was a well known psychologist named Albert Ellis who in his early years as a young man spent a month during the summer approaching about 133 women on a park bench at the park. About 33 of them walked away before he got near them so that left him with about 100. I don't know all the details about this "experiment" but I don't believe he dated or went out with any of these women. However, what he did find is that not one of them spat on him, yelled at him or whatever. Nothing bad happened. He just talked to them and they more times than not talked to him. This is basically what will happen.

 

[Triple Bogey]

it is very irrational to be scared of rejection and women.
yet most fears are that. I don't like asking people in any form anyway.

 

[Locke]

Just go for it.

You may talk to and be rejected by 99 out of 100 men/women you approach, but if you find that special one, will it be worth it?

I hate to simplify things like this, but this 99 out of 100 analogy is used so often here that I have to wonder, is it true that you really need to deal with that much rejection if you happen to be shy/socially anxious/different in some way?

It could be true for anyone, not just those of us who are shy/socially anxious. It is more difficult for shy people, but it's because we often make it more difficult. I sabotage myself due to my anxiety and low self-esteem. But there is no way of knowing how many people you will meet before you find someone special. It could be 2, 10, or a hundred. Your future spouse might only live a mile away, but you'll never know until you start looking. But looking means you might get rejected a hundred times before you find him/her.

When you find that one special person who makes you feel complete, it is worth it, no matter how terrifying and painful rejection is.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Just go for it.

You may talk to and be rejected by 99 out of 100 men/women you approach, but if you find that special one, will it be worth it?

I hate to simplify things like this, but this 99 out of 100 analogy is used so often here that I have to wonder, is it true that you really need to deal with that much rejection if you happen to be shy/socially anxious/different in some way?

It could be true for anyone, not just those of us who are shy/socially anxious. It is more difficult for shy people, but it's because we often make it more difficult. I sabotage myself due to my anxiety and low self-esteem. But there is no way of knowing how many people you will meet before you find someone special. It could be 2, 10, or a hundred. Your future spouse might only live a mile away, but you'll never know until you start looking. But looking means you might get rejected a hundred times before you find him/her.

When you find that one special person who makes you feel complete, it is worth it, no matter how terrifying and painful rejection is.

what's wrong with this is - I haven't met 100 women I like in the last 10 years ! - Maybe I am picky but most women roughly my age are married or in relationships. There isn't an unlimited amount of eligible women just hanging about. And if anybody says 'online' you can change 100 into 100,000 !

If you discount all the single women at work (and it's never a good idea to ask a woman out at work) and all the female customers I talk to (just shop banter and probably meaningless) - I don't know one single woman. Since I hate pubs, nightclubs, my options are limited. It would take me years to ask 100 women out ! And I've got to like the look or a woman to be interested enough to ask her out or find her charming or friendly. I won't ask any woman out.

 

[Locke]

what's wrong with this is - I haven't met 100 women I like in the last 10 years ! - Maybe I am picky but most women roughly my age are married or in relationships. There isn't an unlimited amount of eligible women just hanging about. And if anybody says 'online' you can change 100 into 100,000 !

If you discount all the single women at work (and it's never a good idea to ask a woman out at work) and all the female customers I talk to (just shop banter and probably meaningless) - I don't know one single woman. Since I hate pubs, nightclubs, my options are limited. It would take me years to ask 100 women out ! And I've got to like the look or a woman to be interested enough to ask her out or find her charming or friendly. I won't ask any woman out.

I'm sure it does get more difficult as you get older, but my point is that any number is meaningless. You could meet the woman of your dreams in a parking lot tomorrow, Triple, but to increase the odds of finding someone, you might have to go out and look. If you're picky, than that could be something that you should work on. If meeting a woman is important, find ways to increase the odds. Or don't, if you are happy being alone. Your options may be limited, but since you said "I won't ask any woman out", then your option are severely limited.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Sorry to run out of course here.. but..

This is a sexist joke, so no one beat me, but I read somewhere that the reason women are so terrifying is because we can bleed for 7 days straight and not DIE. LOL

OK, that was bad. Someone feel free to flog me now.

Lmao Eve!

 

[Triple Bogey]

what's wrong with this is - I haven't met 100 women I like in the last 10 years ! - Maybe I am picky but most women roughly my age are married or in relationships. There isn't an unlimited amount of eligible women just hanging about. And if anybody says 'online' you can change 100 into 100,000 !

If you discount all the single women at work (and it's never a good idea to ask a woman out at work) and all the female customers I talk to (just shop banter and probably meaningless) - I don't know one single woman. Since I hate pubs, nightclubs, my options are limited. It would take me years to ask 100 women out ! And I've got to like the look or a woman to be interested enough to ask her out or find her charming or friendly. I won't ask any woman out.

I'm sure it does get more difficult as you get older, but my point is that any number is meaningless. You could meet the woman of your dreams in a parking lot tomorrow, Triple, but to increase the odds of finding someone, you might have to go out and look. If you're picky, than that could be something that you should work on. If meeting a woman is important, find ways to increase the odds. Or don't, if you are happy being alone. Your options may be limited, but since you said "I won't ask any woman out", then your option are severely limited.

I can't remember saying that. Obviously if I met somebody I liked I would ask. I have done that more since I turned 40. I do 'look' but I am also reasonably happy by myself so I don't look too hard. I don't want it to become too important so I am miserable all the time. (Which I was from ages 18 to 31)

 

[The Replicated Man]

I don't think it has anything to do with fear of rejection. It's the fear of looking foolish, incompetent, like a loser in front a large group of people. Take away the bar and every other person in the room and are you just as frightened? I'm guessing probably not. For one, you seem to be some sort of risk taker or stunt man (which might be appealing to a lot of women, just for the record). It's all about the ego. Everyone has one, some of ours are more sensitive than others. You're more afraid of having your usually indomitable confidence shattered thoroughly in front of witnesses, I think.

 

[ardour]

Most men will have paranoid thoughts as to what she or her friends could be saying as he limps away, tail between his legs "eww that ugly guy tried to hit on you".

To be fair, initiating is difficult for the everyone. If it were easier more women might feel inclined to do it.

 

[Batman55]

I can't remember saying that. Obviously if I met somebody I liked I would ask. I have done that more since I turned 40. I do 'look' but I am also reasonably happy by myself so I don't look too hard. I don't want it to become too important so I am miserable all the time. (Which I was from ages 18 to 31)

Well there's no reason you should automatically exclude meeting someone at work or a customer, etc--especially if you don't go to bars or nightclubs. I have frequently heard of people meeting this way. It's true that going out with a co-worker has some risks involved, but seriously we all know it does happen, and it does sometimes lead to a good outcome.

It looks like you are basically saying "no" to every single option available, even the ones right in front of you.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think the reason why the opposite sex (or same sex, if you are gay) is so terrifying to some is because we have sexual tension placed on it. It's not so much the appearance, or the gender, but it's the fact that you're attracted to that person, and you're afraid that your worth will be mitigated if she or he rejects you.

I've been friends with some incredibly good looking women. Even ones who could have been models. And as long as I look at them like a person, just another soul to talk with and laugh with and have a conversation with, I'm fine. But when I start looking at how her body curves, or her pretty eyes and smile, or sexual features, I go to pieces and suddenly I'm shy.

It's the same way here. All I can say is, try to not notice how attractive they are. I mean, make a note of it, but don't obsess over it. When you start to do that, you begin to go to pieces (and this goes for the female poster who talked about men, too.)

 

[Seeker]

^
This should become public knowledge to the entire forum, well said Muse!

+1 from me

 

[Triple Bogey]

I can't remember saying that. Obviously if I met somebody I liked I would ask. I have done that more since I turned 40. I do 'look' but I am also reasonably happy by myself so I don't look too hard. I don't want it to become too important so I am miserable all the time. (Which I was from ages 18 to 31)

Well there's no reason you should automatically exclude meeting someone at work or a customer, etc--especially if you don't go to bars or nightclubs. I have frequently heard of people meeting this way. It's true that going out with a co-worker has some risks involved, but seriously we all know it does happen, and it does sometimes lead to a good outcome.

It looks like you are basically saying "no" to every single option available, even the ones right in front of you.

nobody at work likes me and there are single women, plenty of them.

The customer thing is probably my best bet, it's tricky though and slow moving. Some female customers only come in once a week and it's not guaranteed they come to my till etc. A lot of the older, lonely ones probably do 'like' me. About 12 years ago this woman had this big crush on me, it was obvious. I wasn't interested though. There is always one or two who I like and wonder if they are available or interested. It's a bit hard in a crowded, small shop to ask for somebody's number though.

 

[ardour]

you could lose your job if a customer turns you down then goes and complains.