Why Are You Lonely?

[Polar]

Because I'm away from home for more than a year now and can't find friends here. It seems to get worse with time cuz I'm losing my confidence and constantly worrying "what's wrong with me?" and "why don't they like me?" Btw I have no problem talking to strangers. I talk to new people every day, but when I have to form a friendship, I just can't manage. Sometimes when I talk to people, I feel like I'm putting on a show so it goes smooth for a while, but if I have to do it often, it would get so tiring and nearly impossible. I guess I can't be myself in front of people.
Lately, I've been feeling like what i'm saying is not interesting to people, which is totally not objective. I've noticed that very often people speak ********, but if they say it with confidence and calmness, everybody listens, while you can be the best conversationalist in the world, but if you're anxious, people instantly switch off. It's really cruel. I don't switch off though. I'm really nice to shy people.
Another problem is communication with women. I just feel a bit scared when it comes to other girls. I have trouble talking to many women. Men are easy. Usually, they would talk to you just cuz you're pretty, but then comes the moment when they start hitting on you and it all goes down from there.
So yeah. I'm feeling very lonely for more than a year now and I totally hate it. The last 2 days have been really hard cuz my flatmates are not here so I'm on my own in the house. I have nobody to go out with. This place made me hate weekends cuz I'm always left alone in the house with nothing to do. It's just ridiculous!

I know what you mean, I often lose interest quite fast as well when I say something even when I'm not saying anything peculiar uninteresting... I just don't think I shine out that confidence to keep people interested for a very long time... Makes me feel uninteresting.

 

[Bones]

Testicular Fortitude!

 

[IgnoredOne]

It used to be that I lacked social skills. Nowadays, I have those, but I honestly tend to prefer the company of books or the challenge of discovery to most people, although this isn't always the case. I also seem to frustrate a lot of people in part because I've had a job and maintained it well, while many of my old friends did not and one way or another, it led to circumstances that basically having me made them feel worse - we couldn't go out to eat because they didn't have money, and when I offered to pay, such charity is seen as offensive.

 

[Polar]

All my relations with my closest friends have withered away because of circumstances. Nowadays I only hear from them on weekly sometimes even monthly base. And that is just having 'contact', I'm not even talking about going to do something together which happens even less. Very depressing knowing that I consider them to be my best friends. I do hang out at parties with other people, but on a fairly shallow level. I rarely talk to them outside of these parties. I suppose if I had to categorize them, they would float in between acquaintances and friends. I do care for some of them though, but it's not enough really. If I would stop coming over time, I think no one would give a ****, let alone notice.

Because of that I completely rely on online friendships to beat around the loneliness, which sucks by itself. Because while I know it's possible to maintain such things, in most cases they come with an expiration date.

Relationships is another can of worms. My life feels too empty to be starting something with girls my age or older. I feel like I've got way less to offer than most other guys my age. While I'm getting there I'm still not fully dependent on myself, and while a part of me would love to find someone and settle, I don't have the financial profile to pull it off. That continuously plays in the back of my mind, what do I have to offer?
In return I usually aim for girls who are a couple of years younger than me (let's say age 18-22). That works well in the beginning. I look younger than I am, I act younger than I am. For all they care I am younger than I am. It's easy to relate. But people at that age are in a different stage of their lives. I usually don't connect that well on an emotional level. And I'm afraid of starting relationships because ultimately I'm looking for different things than that they are. It's just asking for heartache.

I practically have my degree, but not officially yet so I can't find proper work. Yet I'm not a part of school any more either. So I'm floating in this nowhere land where it's hard to meet new people in life to who I can relate. This is hopefully just temporarily, but sometimes I'm afraid I can't crawl out of the ditch which I got myself into. It's a lonesome ditch :/

 

[Ignored1]

I have no friends
No one calls for my birthday
Only a few close family
I am excluded from invitation to weddings, or bachelorretes, or baby showers unless its at work and i have to be invited
No one send me friendship emails or picks up the phone to say hi.
To combat my loneliness i get dressed and made up and go clubbing, there i see alot of men interested in me, says im beautiful. My craving for attention and acceptance is met and i feel important even if for judt a little while. I go home, heavily intoxicated...i awake with a bad hangover and depression over my state of loneliness again. The week goes by, im ignored and excluded again, no one pays attention to me. Sometimes i cry, espeacially at night. Am i a horrible person, am i so pathetic that no obe can love me. Why doesnt my so called beauty attract people to love me, am i only good enough when im all made up and a little drunk for ibteraction. I dont know who i am anymore. People rejecting me causes me to rejevt people. Its a vicious cycle. They say i look stern and serious or snobbish. It must be a defence mechanism to protect my vulnerability. Instead i am hurting, my pain cuts deeper than a knife. I try to smile when i see soneone approach to soften my facial expression, sometines i pray that the thing that repells people will change in my face. Where do i belong and fit in, i guess my peer group is the other lonely people of this world. Who shares my secret shameful pain, who drinks the bitter pill of rejection, this is where i belong ...with the forgotten and despised ones

 

[Polar]

I have no friends
No one calls for my birthday
Only a few close family
I am excluded from invitation to weddings, or bachelorretes, or baby showers unless its at work and i have to be invited
No one send me friendship emails or picks up the phone to say hi.
To combat my loneliness i get dressed and made up and go clubbing, there i see alot of men interested in me, says im beautiful. My craving for attention and acceptance is met and i feel important even if for judt a little while. I go home, heavily intoxicated...i awake with a bad hangover and depression over my state of loneliness again. The week goes by, im ignored and excluded again, no one pays attention to me. Sometimes i cry, espeacially at night. Am i a horrible person, am i so pathetic that no obe can love me. Why doesnt my so called beauty attract people to love me, am i only good enough when im all made up and a little drunk for ibteraction. I dont know who i am anymore. People rejecting me causes me to rejevt people. Its a vicious cycle. They say i look stern and serious or snobbish. It must be a defence mechanism to protect my vulnerability. Instead i am hurting, my pain cuts deeper than a knife. I try to smile when i see soneone approach to soften my facial expression, sometines i pray that the thing that repells people will change in my face. Where do i belong and fit in, i guess my peer group is the other lonely people of this world. Who shares my secret shameful pain, who drinks the bitter pill of rejection, this is where i belong ...with the forgotten and despised ones

It's ironical how it's almost always the ones who come over the coldest and the most distant on the outside, are in fact the ones who need the warmth of other people the most. You're not alone.

 

[bigboi]

I'm lonely cause my personality sucks...Ugh...I don't even want to explain it that's how sucky I am...life sucks...

 

[Raina]

I have no real friends, the kind of people you can actually call friends. Instead I know a lot of people who just use each other for whatever gain them need.

I have no one to talk to, no one to actually listen any more so I just keep things inside and pretend everything is ok.

I am sick of putting myself out there trying each time to find good people in my life to be slapped hard with reality that I am alone in this ******* world. I have lost the want or desire its been crushed too many times. Still I try but its like its not suppose to be.

 

[Pandora]

This is my first post here. 22 year old girl from Canada. Newlywed. No friends... but I do have a husband. Men have never Been an issue for me but friends aren't easy to find. My husband works out of town for days at a time. I feel isolated. I feel like a zombie. I work... come home... Sleep... Repeat. I've felt depressed lately. I wish I had someone to talk to. I wish I had someone who I could trust. I wish my relationships didn't always have to be physical. I wish I could feel happiness again. I got married 2 months ago, but this has been the worst year of my life. I have horrible social anxiety. I hate being in public. I hate working in public. I had heart surgery when I was 19... The doctors almost gave me a stroke... Sometimes I wish that had happend. I wish I had died. I wish I didn't feel like I was losing it. No one knows what I am suffering with. I'm sure my co-workers would just describe me as the nice, quiet girl. I wish someone would see through the facade and help me. I need help. I wish my husband could see how lonely I am. I spend so many nights alone crying. When the sun comes up, I'm fake. I put my makeup on and I go through my day as a zombie. I smile, I laugh. I'm a faker. Why am I so depressed? I know my life is a lot easier than a lot of people, but I'm lost. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm depressed.

 

[Nolife Princess]

Try getting married- that is THE loneliest predicament ever!!!

 

[Lost Drifter]

Try getting married- that is THE loneliest predicament ever!!!

Damn right. Unmarried people think marriage is bliss and the answer to all their problems, married people know its one of the hardest things to cope with in their lives.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

It's actually a real shame I can't see myself from the view of other people.

I wonder if my natural quietness and disinclination to talk drivel for no reason comes across as being unfriendly or cold.

People seem to regard me as nice, but I guess no one really gets to see how passionate I am about certain things. Then again, they never give me a reason to show that side of myself!

 

[Okiedokes]

Because of the lifestyle I chose and moving away from family.

 

[flaneur]

Because I've lost most of my friends over arguments
Because the friends I still have are self-absorbed, hence arguments
Because that one really close and clone-copy-of-me friend--what everyone hopes to have--lives a bridge away and is not really my virtual twin
Because every time anyone new tries to get to know me, I get socially anxious or paranoid/cynical, so I push them away to avoid dealing with it

 

[Equinox]

Because I'm inferior to everyone else.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Because I'm inferior to everyone else.

What lies your brain tells you.

 

[LonelyL]

2. I'm afraid of getting hurt by people.

Is there any way to avoid that?
people always hurt. and doesnt matter if they are close to you or not.

well of caurse it matters. I don't give a damn if some ******* that I don't care of will hurt me. it will maybe make me angry, but it won't hurt. but when a friend, mate or partner will do that, then it really gets me down..

that's the difference...

I know exactly how you feel. I've been backstabbed by friends and it's hard for me to trust anyone again.

 

[SpectacledScienceCat]

Why I Am Lonely:
(i) not being willing or able to approach people who might be good friends
(ii) I seem ugly, stupid and uninteresting to almost everybody I meet

 

[Equinox]

And also because people usually don't see me or hear me. Occasionally I wonder if I'm a ghost, not really able to control when I'm visible and not.

 

[Nolife Princess]

Simple Answer-MARRIED! if you don't want to live your life lonely then DO NOT GET MARRIED! I was less lonely in my single life than I have even been in my married.......... they call it a marriage, but it is more like a funeral....... the day you say 'I do' is the day you die to your life.