Before I start I must say sorry for my terribly english. I am not from english-speaking country (I am from Eastern Europe - Czech republic) and my ability learn foreign leanguage is... very bad. But that´s enough...
I am lonely... not everyday and I am not alone. I have parents (theyre divorced but that´s not important i have good relationship with both of them... usual or normal relationship if ... even if I dont know "what normal is"... thats make no sense... I must try start once again and better
)...
... I am not super-intelligent or traumatized man (yes - my childhood wasnt ideal - due divorce of my parents and "violently" aftermath - but it was still in "normality")... also I am not "special". I am not good sportsman or woman-hunter, I am not fat, or alcoholic. I am not blind or... I AM NORMAL - ABSOLUTELY AVERAGE YOUNG MAN... phew... finally... maybe I have problem with expression (and my terribly english worsens it)...
... iam not sure why I am lonely, why when I am i the centre of discussion I feel loneliness, I dont know why... that´s something what i think for a big problem... I just I dont know. Sometime when people around me (friends, family members... or just people linked to me) talking I listen only: "Blahblahblah..." I think that Iam just too proud man to listen somebody other. I rather talking than listening and I cant control that... I am just depend on talking because... when I am talking (about anyting - usually about history or politics because its my hobby) i feel something like... orgasm... bad word... not... I am just excited when I speaking and speaking and this is my biggest problem, because I want persuade - everytime - other people about MY RIGHT (truth)... Its absolutely useless, I know... but I must - just I cant be quiet - tell my opinion about everything to everybody around me. I must speak, speak and speak and I cant stop... and I dont know why... why for god sake i doing that? Its something like *** (bad word... its not correct) for me when I talking. And I am not able listening to other people... only what i listen when then say is "blahblahblah...".
I am desperated from that... Am I soo proud? So egocentric maniac what must tell his (my) own opinion for everything to everybody around him (me)? Maybe... not maybe... sure I am "crazy"... why I must... just must... i cant control that - i promise - speak about for example Second World War during party in the pub? Why iam so ********? Its like exhibicionism... and I am not sure, that same cause (exhibicionism) dont lead me on that place (A lonely life website) because its for me just occassion to speak (write) and speak (write)... I want be quiet... but something in me want be noisy, noiser... and that is reason for my loneliness...
... people dont like me, because I am just boring, I speak about "serious things" (poticis, history, philosophy...) because something in me want it... I want persuade everybody in this planet about my own rights about my own themes.... And I hated it.... I cant control it and this is reason why people dont like me. I am losing potentionally friends and in all collectives when I was (on school, academy, high school) I was outsider... weak (body) and noisy... not smart... I am smart - I know it (or its my pride?) - but other people saw in my only freaking maggot who has no muscles (I dont like sport... I am not fat, but... my body is not athletic and I am weak (in power)) and everyday talking about "serious things"... yes they beated me many times (in school) I was typical nerd (for them), grind (but in paradox I was not excellent student because only things which I can do is connected with social studies like history, philosophy etc...) and i was (of course) bullied by them. Ostrakized and beated everyday (before and after school)... like shadow I searched safe way to home and someday i was succesfull and another day not... but its not important for today, i am not traumatized by this... I suffered because I am *****... my social behaviour is absolutely bad, I cant listen to another people and if you meet me in real life you´ll hate me because I am not "good person" in behaviour...
...at the end... I once again say sorry for my english. I like that leanguage, but i know how terrible (for me) is... so sorry and bye...