Why does society look suspiciously upon the loner?

[ardour]

Not what I said Muse, not being friendly out of pity. Just not cruel.

 

[Midnight Sky]

If you have someone, everyone wants to be your friend. You got no one, no one wants anything to do with you. This tells me that people only want "friends with benefits", or better yet, people with established lives. Some silly little thought of not wanting to carry someone else on your back, I guess.

 

[msbxa]

Just stopping by this forum today and ended up reading through most of this topic.
There are some good replies made on here, and its nice to see that some people get it, but also not so good to be reminded that a majority do indeed have shallow negative stereotypes on the "loner" type person.

Personally I strive to be independent, and to have the strength to be myself, regardless of what the majority thinks, and/or as a result you stand alone.

I definitely think that a person who walks life alone is much more of a stronger, intelligent, and respectable person, as opposed to someone who needs to conform to feel worthy, secure, etc. Those people are just weak-minded sheep, and unfortunately they seem to greater outnumber everyone else.

I spend a lot of my time, whenever I have time for myself, thinking about life, society, the world, the universe, and many other things. Most of my greatest insights come when in solitude or apart from the distraction of others and the programmed one-way society/system. When I get an especially good insight or conclusion, I will make note of my thoughts, sometimes in the form of a quote. I have one in my notes that I wrote a few months ago that says this:
The more that a person conforms, the weaker and more inferior that person becomes.

I am definitely an introvert, and I see nothing wrong with it. The problems I have with people and society I see as also because of them and their ignorance, not just because of me; I'm just being myself and I've accepted the way I really am and always have been.
In many cases I prefer to be alone, because then I get to do what I want and I don't have to compromise with anyone.

 

[TheDude76]

Msbxa, I just finished reading "Existentialism For Dummies". I loved it, since it really tackles the notion of self-defined loner vs. "the herd". I think you might like it, too!

 

[Pedestrian]

This thread is the reason i made an account here, it is very enlightening to see that many others are like me and at the same time quite relieving.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

To be alone can be either voluntary or involuntary.

If it's the second, people wonder if there is something wrong with you.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

Interesting thread, I enjoyed reading the myths, if only because it saves me repeating them.

I have an introverted thinking style which means I enjoy my alone time and love one to one conversations that get behind the surface of the other person and communicate at a deeper level. The problem is people popularly equate introversion with being shy or lacking confidence. I can get up and give a presentation in front of 500 people and actually enjoy doing that, or I can work well within a group if I know what my role is (I'm actually quite good at group discussions as long as my role is to sit on the fence and mediate between different sides of an argument!). Put me in a social situation with a lot of people with a lot of small talk going on and I tend to start withdrawing into my own, more interesting to me, thoughts.

I hopefully find the right balance. I think I dislike the word "loner" as it could mean anything, really. Someone who lives like a hermit, someone who just happens to live alone. I wonder if there are many complete "loners"? A lot of people on this thread might be described as "loners" but anyone who posts here has shown some need for connectivity with others, just in a different way and via a different medium than offline (although a way that more and more people are actually doing, if the people everywhere always on there smartphones to constantly social network are to be observed!).

Just some thoughts!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Another thing...

I think it's because a lot of people wonder how someone can have fun without other people. There is an aspect of jealously that goes into it, I think.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I think I dislike the word "loner" as it could mean anything, really. Someone who lives like a hermit, someone who just happens to live alone. I wonder if there are many complete "loners"? A lot of people on this thread might be described as "loners" but anyone who posts here has shown some need for connectivity with others, just in a different way and via a different medium than offline (although a way that more and more people are actually doing, if the people everywhere always on there smartphones to constantly social network are to be observed!).

Just some thoughts!

+1

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I've lived with extroverted people, yet been a loner. Does that count?

I've had extroverted people drag me to functions, parties, meetings, lunches, etc. I go sometimes, but most of the time I just want to settle down in front of the computer and turn on music, or open a book, or spend my time watching a movie or TV show.

I'm not like Sheldon on the first episode of The Big Bang Theory, where he admits that he has 200 MySpace friends, but hasn't met any of them. Most of my Facebook friends, I've met at least once, and several I get together with a LOT. I just prefer being alone, and it's comforting that the people on Facebook who don't unfriend the loner me obviously like me as I am.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I wouldn't call myself a "loner" but I like my "me" time (I just don't get much of it). My preference would always be a small number of friends versus a large number.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I always describe myself as a cup of coffee in one hand, a guitar or book in the other, and a computer in front of me.

 

[ardour]

To be honest I'm suspicious of highly extroverted type people. They always seem to have ulterior motives.

 

[Midnight Sky]

To be honest I'm suspicious of highly extroverted type people. They always seem to have ulterior motives.

I think you're suspicious with some kind of grand finale masterpiece plan cooking in that overly unnecessarily expensive General Electric oven you have there.

Purposely long sentence on purpose, is purposely long.


Seriously though, most of them are like that by nature, with nothing scheming in the shadows.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

People just come in different personalities. The world would be a very boring place if everyone were the same.

 

[msbxa]

The simple answer: because society is ignorant.

 

[ShybutHi]

It is a shame. I believe for introverted people lots of potential relationships, whether friendly or even romantic, pass them by.

It is understandable though... Most people out there are not great at social situations with people of varying personalities and the more introverted you are the more difficult it is to get to know you. There are things that an introvert or loner, who does not have the best social skills, can do to sort of create a balance and become more approachable but it can require some work.

 

[ardour]

It is a shame. I believe for introverted people lots of potential relationships, whether friendly or even romantic, pass them by.

This is true, but it's often the other people who make a quick superficial judgements then 'move on' that bear some of the responsibility.

People make quick assessments of introverts or otherwise unpopular types, refusing to looking at the person again, partly I think because it means admitting they might be mistaken.

 

[ShybutHi]

It is a shame. I believe for introverted people lots of potential relationships, whether friendly or even romantic, pass them by.

This is true, but it's often the other people who make a quick superficial judgements then 'move on' that bear some of the responsibility.

People make quick assessments of introverts or otherwise unpopular types, refusing to looking at the person again, partly I think because it means admitting they might be mistaken.

Yeah I totally agree with that also. I really think that the majority of people are actually terrible socially though whether introverted or not... People in general seem far too paranoid nowadays and also, as you said, quick to judge.

Like I said though I do think there are things that people can do as self improvement in these areas and really it comes down to realizing any bias you have and letting that go, if you have any that is, and trying not to be at all anxious about the social situation whatever it may be. Easier said than done that is for sure and I think a lot of these social hiccups actually resides in our subconscious, alot of the time as a defence mechanism, whether caused by social stigma or otherwise, which is why it is difficult to make changes to become more at ease and make others more at ease when in a social situation. That said, I believe most people never try to improve and make these changes in their life.