Why is it like this?

[callaslily]

I have a bunch of emotional issues since I was 3 and my parents began to argue and hit each other then eventually divorced. I believe that might have been the start of my becoming anti-social. I never had friends as a kid and I would sit there and watch other kids play and I think a lot of them thought I was creepy and mean. I never really ever had friends even now and I'm 20. In middle school I was made fun of by the whole school so I never got the chance to make a friend. In high school I couldn't manage to make a friend at all and especially not a boy friend. About year or so into high school I decided it was time to change myself in order to get someone to want to be my friend. So I started dressing in bright colors and wearing clothes that others typically wear. I put a smile on my face, I made sure I looked nice every day and gained some confidence, but most of all I tried to reach out more to make friends. It didn't work... no one seemed to treat me as a friend and acted like I was just a girl they could talk to when they needed help with home work or when no one else was around. I eventually gave up after a year + of trying to be upbeat and confident. I went back to being the quiet, black and blue hoodies and sweat pants clothes wearing me... I'm now in college and I figured it would all change when I got here. I started buying clothes that fit my personality and tried to just be me. Still no friends. I try really hard to just make a friend, I get their email and give mine out, i call them, i try to hang out with them and just nothing seems to work. They all act like im the person they can only talk to in class or campus but out of class/campus I just don't really exists. What is so wrong with me? Why am I such an outcast when I try so hard not to be? I know I'm shy but I pushed it aside so much to just make a friend or boyfriend but I have no luck.

I'm just really tried of sitting in my room all day and crying at nights because I'm so ridiculously lonely and everything I try doesn't work. I'm just so lonely and I cant take this any more. Please .. anything you can say that I can do I will try. I just need some directions or something because this is killing me.

 

[IgnoredOne]

What are your interests? Do you have any clubs or groups with your interests that you could join?

 

[callaslily]

What are your interests? Do you have any clubs or groups with your interests that you could join?

I like to draw though I don't do it often. I did join an anime group last year but stopped going because it turned out I didn't like anime as much as they did.

 

[Todd]

I used to wonder why I wasn't like the popular kids in school and why I was so quiet, shy and a loner? I'm not sure if this will help, but there were two books that I read to help change my life and my thinking pattern and also to help me understand myself.

The first book "Your Personality Tree" by Florence Littauer. The book really helped me understand that all of us have different personalities some are born Shy/Quiet, Dominate, Jokers or Melancholy. After reading this book, a lot of things came into perspective in regards to my emotional makeup and also why I was so shy/quiet growing up. In others words, people are born with different personalities and there is nothing wrong with you. I'm naturally shy/quiet and it takes awhile for me to warm up to people. For example, my brother was the funny joker in the family. He could make friends with just about anyone due to his personality. I could never understand why he always had friends and why he was so happy all the time? I, on the other hand was quiet and reserved. I had friends in school, but I never hung out with anyone after school. I was just a different personality.

The second book is called "Learned Optimism" by Martin E.P. Seligman, PH. D. (How To Change Your Mind And Your Life). I never truly understood how being optimistic could change my life. No, I am not saying everything is perfect and life is good all the time. But, I am saying that if you can get your mind to a new understanding and that having a good outlook on life can help change your thinking pattern, then you can emit new frequencies that will attract people to you.

I had to learn new social skills and how to interact with people. Yes, I've gone on a personal journey in discovering and helping myself. Nope all is not perfect, but I have learned and applied new skills to social situations. I win some and I lose some.

Are there clubs that you can join that apply to your major? Dance Class? Book Clubs? Sport Clubs?

I truly hope that this helps. All of us are different and eventually, we find our path.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

ACOA....gose through the samething.
Being raised by an alcoholic effected me mentally and emotionally. At some level I do cetain unhealthy behaviors subconsiously....

Anyway...I do simple mind to body control exercise...Such as picking up a cion out of 3 cions on a sheet of paper.
But I have to be very presence and consious as Im doing this.....
I see it..I feel it

what this dose is get me into the process of knowing Im capiable of controling my life.

It also helps me when I apply this same principle enternally with my thoughts and emtionals.. The cion represent my un wanted thoughts and emotions...
I have to power and control to remove the cion.

Its a simple exercise I do 5 mins p day.
Ill also focus on various objectts from near to far....its the same concept.
I have cntrol over my focus..
The same principle applies when focusing on my thoughts...
I have the power to focus and what I chose.

These exercise might seem corny..but it had helped me a lot. Controll my mind and actions...my life

 

[IgnoredOne]

What are your interests? Do you have any clubs or groups with your interests that you could join?

I like to draw though I don't do it often. I did join an anime group last year but stopped going because it turned out I didn't like anime as much as they did.

Well, did you like the people there? Common ground is a way to begin to build rapport; more importantly, what exactly do you seek from a friend or friends? What do you envision as your ideal friend, and by extension, mate?

 

[Equinox]

Finding people who share some of your interests seems like a good advice. It doesn't necessarily have to be The One Thing™ you're exeptionally good at; it could be anything that you just enjoy doing. That will give you something to naturally talk about, and finding one common ground is usually how friendships begin, I think.

Or maybe do something you haven't tried before but think might be fun? I joined a musical/broadway dance class this week, even though I'm in no way a talented or experienced dancer. At this class, I met people who enjoys both dancing and musicals, and so finding topics to chat about was easy. When I went to uni in Scotland, I joined the Scottish country dance club, and only a month later I had a party invititation, just by being part of the group and sharing this interest.

Also, never underestimate the Power of Pastry. 12 years ago I befriended the girl who is to this day one of my best friends, by offering her home made cupcakes while onboard the school bus one morning. We had an acquantaince in common, and were both sitting nearby each other, when I pulled up my bag of freshly made cupcakes and asked if she'd like one. She's told me later on that this had made a very positive impression on her, and she instantly perceived me as a friendly, nice and giving person, and also a fun person (since I'd gotten up extra early just to bake). And the cupcakes were awesome, so that didn't hurt, either.

 

[callaslily]

What are your interests? Do you have any clubs or groups with your interests that you could join?

I like to draw though I don't do it often. I did join an anime group last year but stopped going because it turned out I didn't like anime as much as they did.

Well, did you like the people there? Common ground is a way to begin to build rapport; more importantly, what exactly do you seek from a friend or friends? What do you envision as your ideal friend, and by extension, mate?

No not really. I couldn't relate to them at all. I went to the club for a few weeks and I did see a few funny people in the group but no one really noticed that I was there. Even on person asked where did I come from in about the 6th meeting I went to. I did try to talk but my shyness over came me most of the time. Other times I did speak out and say hi to a few and added suggestions in the group but eventually I stopped going.
What I seek from a friend is just someone that would be willing to hang out with me (go to new stores, etc.), and talk to is all. That would be my ideal friend.

---

Finding people who share some of your interests seems like a good advice. It doesn't necessarily have to be The One Thing™ you're exeptionally good at; it could be anything that you just enjoy doing. That will give you something to naturally talk about, and finding one common ground is usually how friendships begin, I think.

Or maybe do something you haven't tried before but think might be fun? I joined a musical/broadway dance class this week, even though I'm in no way a talented or experienced dancer. At this class, I met people who enjoys both dancing and musicals, and so finding topics to chat about was easy. When I went to uni in Scotland, I joined the Scottish country dance club, and only a month later I had a party invititation, just by being part of the group and sharing this interest.

Also, never underestimate the Power of Pastry. 12 years ago I befriended the girl who is to this day one of my best friends, by offering her home made cupcakes while onboard the school bus one morning. We had an acquantaince in common, and were both sitting nearby each other, when I pulled up my bag of freshly made cupcakes and asked if she'd like one. She's told me later on that this had made a very positive impression on her, and she instantly perceived me as a friendly, nice and giving person, and also a fun person (since I'd gotten up extra early just to bake). And the cupcakes were awesome, so that didn't hurt, either.

You have a good point. I want to learn how to cook and I enjoy cooking when I do it. I'm just really horrible at it and lack the patience for it at times but I would enjoy being in a group for it. I'm going to see if there is any cooking groups thank you.