why would someone...

[Wayfarer]

who's been out of your life for 7 years, suddenly get "back"?

Here's what happened. It's been years since I'd talked with this person who was a classmate in high school. This last two weeks he called me twice:
- the first time because there was a friend of his which needed help with some university exam;
- the second time (being today), he called for the same reason but then suddenly started telling me how awesome his life has been, how many girlfriend he has had and basically the history of all his relationships (and many betrayals, but I digress). And then he proceeded by telling me how "hot" the girl I liked in high school has become. All in all 45 minutes on the phone (mostly just him talking).

Honestly, I've been kind when talking to him but I really don't like the way he has got back seemingly just to annoy me (ok this is subjective but).

Have you had similar experiences?

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I don't really know. I had a friend way back from University, we were friends for years but then he moved to another city, but we still talked weekly on the phone, then he suddenly disappeared for about 2 years (admittedly he had got married in that time!).

When he came back he said he'd had a really terrible time, him and his partner had been homeless in effect, staying in cheap hotels or on sofas while trying to buy a house in London, so that explained it.

I guess sometimes people have a lot going on. Maybe sometimes time is emotionally relative, and what seems a long time for us is passing differently for someone else.

It's make me think, with this friend, there have never been any protestations of undying friendship or all that rubbish. With the friends I've lost recently (or their behaviour has made me reconsider the value of their friendship and my importance to them) there has always been the outpouring of "you're such a good friend" or "our friendship is so special to me" which when their behaviours contradict what they say, it makes me resent them.

I guess if you have a situational friend/acquaintance, who doesn't get in touch, then one day the stars just align and they think of you for some reason, and get back in touch, it's just that - maybe you just popped into their awareness for some random reason! It does seem strange after 7 years, but then, people are indeed strange at times!

 

[lifestream]

A girl I was best friends with in my teens periodically gets in touch with me, usually after one of the massive dramas she creates for herself. She will tell me at length about all her problems, the guys that she likes and who like her, her wonderful set of friends, how busy her social life is, before promptly disappearing back into the woodwork. What shocks me most during these little periods is her constant affirmations of us being the closest of friends, even though I severed all ties with her long ago because of her blatant narcissistic tendencies.

I imagine she gets back in touch with me because she has tapped out all her other sources of emotional supply and is 'scraping the barrel' with me. I allow her to do this because I feel a lot of pity for her, having watched her struggle with the enormous damage her narcissism has created in her life and her psyche. Perhaps your acquaintance is similar, Wayfarer.

 

[Serephina]

Maybe he has been reminiscing and been thinking about you for a while and just plucked up the courage to get in contact. He probably hasn't gotten over the past.I know there are friends that I have thought about because something has triggered the memory and I get in contact even though I haven't spoken to them in a while. I felt this way about someone I went to college with,I never forgot about him,my friends were in contact with him,the feelings ended up coming back and we eventually met up. Initially I tried to blame getting on contact with him on something really trivial and was in the area that he lived in,he did see straight through that though.
We got back together and were together for 5 years although so many people told me it would never work out and although we are still friends I think initially we wanted to pick up where we left off and we had to accept that we were different people and although together for a while,it didn't work out.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Honestly, I've been kind when talking to him but I really don't like the way he has got back seemingly just to annoy me (ok this is subjective but).

Have you had similar experiences?

Sounds to me that the guy is just one of these egotistical narcissists who loves telling other people how fantastic they are.

My Dad bumped into an old workmate in a supermarket recently and the guy just talked for 10 minutes about himself, didn't even bother asking after my Dad. Classic example of a self-absorbed person who is desperately seeking some kind of ego validation.

My experience is that such people normally don't give a crap about you, they just enjoy masturbatory self-congratulation.

 

[Sometimes]

I had a friend from high school, who would just pop out of nowhere every few years, and chew my ear off for an hour. It alternated between my life is amazing, look at me! and my life is crap I can't stand living. I think for him, I never moved forward in time. In his mind I was frozen in time from the last time we were actually friends, and so was fully known. I dunno. Weird.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I've talked to a few people that I went to school with. Not that extensively, but a message here or there. However, if he annoys you so much, don't talk to him. You do have that choice.

 

[Aisha]

There are friends I haven't seen or spoken to in that long or longer, that I miss and would genuinely like to reconnect with and who I'd be more than happy if they reached out to reconnect with me.
But this person sounds to me like all he wanted to do was talking to you only for the purpose of showing off or gloating. Has he asked after you at all? Does he show any concern for how you are or have been? If so much has been happening for him, doesn't he realize that life has been happening for you these past 7 years too and there are things that will have happened in your life that are just as significant? Friendships are about give and take, not about one person obsessing about themselves and wasting other people's time. Your friend sounds like the person lifestream described, in terms of his narcissistic approach when communicating with you. You don't need that.

 

[Tiina63]

Maybe his life isn't all that great. If it was, he wouldn't need to phone someone he hasn't seen for years to boast about it.

 

[Tealeaf]

I had one high school friend call me a year or two after the group of friends he cut us off to gain favor with dropped him. Nice to know our care was reciprocated enough to be his backup. I hope the rest of his old friends hung up as fast as I did when they heard.

Wouldn't trust this person as far as I could throw them.

 

[Serephina]

Yes I couldn't handle that,I have had friends who only contact me when the people they actually want to hang around with are too busy for them,I used to accept it but I figured that by me doing that it was saying that their behaviour was ok.