I'm actually not that sexual of a person. I'm kind of prudish actually, which kind of makes me wonder if women see me as lacking in masculinity. I don't really feel comfortable about talking about it, it feels kind of weird. Though I do sometimes talk about it, to understand it more. Dirty talk in particular is something I'm not very comfortable with, and isn't natural to me.
On second thought, I think I'm kind of prudish about it only in a general way. I think I could open up with the right person, with a person that's on my wavelength. Someone understanding.
It's just that I want to experience it before I kick the bucket. I want to see what all the fuss is about, I want to tick it off my bucket list. I don't want to miss out. Part of me doesn't want to do risky things in life until I've been with someone first, for this reason. To me, being in a relationship is "normal" and it's important to me to at least achieve "normal" in life, to not feel like I'm limited and relegated to being a loser. I feel like most people take *** and relationships for granted as something that just happens in life, like learning to tie your shoes, riding a bike, and things like that. Basic life stuff that anyone should be able to do. I also want to know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I am good enough to attract someone. I want to be good enough for someone to choose me.
I actually feel like I don't need that much of it though. Certainly not every day, just not "never" either. Here and there is fine. It would be nice to have the option, though. Life's all about options to me, having the power of choice. I hate being limited and relegated.
But the emotional/affectionate part is important to me too, because I want it as part of a relationship, I want to experience the whole packaged deal. The emotional closeness and warmth, in a way that others are not. A deep connection. Someone that really understands you. A life partner. Someone to talk to and explore and share life with, feel like you're really going somewhere with. Having a special person that you can talk to about all kinds of things. I'm not acutely lonely because I don't live alone. But I imagine if I did, I would be. The closeness of family or friendship is nice, but it's different. It's not the same.
Then again, not everyone is interested or even able to have *** so I don't know. Someone like that could be an interesting person too, and they are certainly not "lesser". This is a tough question.