You guys are not alone and you do not understand

[nerdygirl]

You know, I feel less lonely these days than I did back when I was with X. Please try to understand that just having some form of human contact does not mean you're not lonesome.

 

[bluesunshine]

Hi James...

Sounds painful and lonely to be you...it usually can seem as if no one can truly understand what it is like to experience what you experience and not having people understand that, especially in THIS forum, can make it even more painful and lonely.

 

[Fvantom]

James is right in a way, but its not cool to be coming on here judging everyone.

I have no real friendships, never had a relationship, I never have anyone to talk to, and all my emotions have to be bottled up because I have nobody to listen to me, thats what real loneliness is, all Ive ever wanted was for people to talk to me in the same way they talk to their other friends, to ask me to hang out because they want to see me, not because they want to use me for something, but every day I wake up to an empty inbox and every time I try to make the first move it always fall through, so dont judge because you dont know whats really going on in these peoples lives

 

[yesm]

I've had friends. I've had love in the form of friends and relationships with the opposite sex. I've head meaningful friendships and times where i knew TONS of people but never really hung out with them.

Lonliness rarely bothered me in the past. I've always been a loner. Usualy only having 1 or 2 good friends at any given time, but still having friendships none the less.

I have a family, a good one too. Without them I'd be homeless right now. However i can't connect with my family. I can't share anything with them and have to constantly avoid them and hide the truth of my existence from them.

I have problems that doctors can't solve, so I hide the truth from them and have survived this far by doing so.

I have about 4 friends in my life right now that I used to be in phyiscal contact with on a daily basis at some point, but now can only talk to over the phone. My life is so devoid of meaning and interest that I rarely even have anything to say to them anymore. At least they are there if i can think of anything to talk about.

I used to smoke pot a lot which I think made it easy for me to be happy without social contact or meaning in my life. I also used to have a job which helped me meet people.

I know some one though who might know what true lonliness is. I wouldn't say I understand true lonliness, but I know he does. He will never have a job and never has. He will never have a girl friend and never has. When his mom dies he won't be able to take care of himself and will most likely have to settle for a less than optimal living situation. This person has been a great friend to me and been there for me through many hard times. We dont' talk much anymore because neither of us has anything left to say. He plays video games and that is his life.

However considering my position in life now... he is better of than me. We both don't have jobs. We both do nothing but eat sleep and play video games and maybe talk to some one over the phone once a month, but he can still smoke pot. Which for me honestly made an unbearable life much easier to live and even enjoy at times.

For the past year I have done nothing but eat, sleep, ****, play video games, talk in a chat room, and talk with an old friend over the phone once a month. I can't talk to the sister I grew up with about anything because she is afraid i'm going to hell for not believing in jesus christ as my personal savior and always argues with me. My older sister is upset with me because i don't call her enough because i've been to depressed to even care about talking to most anyone or my lack of just not having anything to say. My other older brother I can't connect with. I talk to my parents once a week so they can bitch at me for never calling and then get mad at me for being depressed and having nothing to say because I do nothing. And the parents I live with now are only concerned with me getting out of their house and taking pills and I can't talk to them about anything.

What I loved most in my life was smoking a plant. And I just can't afford to do that for many reasons.

I may not no true lonliness, but i can bet you 2 of my arms I've been to places worse than you can imagine... and I know this because I could not describe them in words for you. I also know this because I'm as confident as you are in your statement about true lonliness which I don't doubt.

I think you are probably a lot stronger than many of the people here. Lonliness in whatever form is going to hurt more for some one who is not used to it. However it is an inevitable result, that when one expresses resentment in the form of a challenge to a pissing contest, some people will be offended or dispute such claims.

I can bet you anything though that if a billionare was forced to live as a millionare they would probably bitch and moan about it more than a homeless person complains about having to live off the kindness of strangers and at the whims of nature.

Maybe you just haven't found anyone or any posts worth your time. Which could be the case. Everybody hurts though and I respect your pain and do not take offense to your claim as I do not dispute it's validity one way or the other. Feel free to PM anytime if you wanna talk about anything. Good luck to you.

 

[Lawrens]

Don’t come on here p***ing and moaning hat you don’t have enough friends or people don’t like your hair.

Stop reminding me that I have no hair, you very bad person.

 

[PurpleDays]

So much love for a lot of posters on this thread and their complete honesty. Love you guys.

I personally am one of those people to which sceptics such as the OP are referring to.

I am young(ish), relatively in shape and sometimes pretty, straight (eugh, this makes no difference, as previously adhered to by me), I know where I'm going in life, I have a job, a great family, housemates and a good group of friends.

These are just facts. I am -not- bragging, as anyone who knows me will understand. As well as all of these "lucky" gifts (which to be fair, I've worked bloody hard to maintain all of them- excluding the age thing, that kind of just... Happens) I am also beset by crippling shyness, personality disorders (plural, yes), insomnia, eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder, a dying father and hypercondriac mother, and an overwhelming fear that every single person I love will leave me, as they have in the past.

My true definition of loneliness doesn't account for how many people are around you. No way. On a desert island, robinson crusoe was perfectly happy with his man friday. If I had that, I'd be bloody ecstatic. Instead I am perpetually surrounded by people who I feel no attachment to or anything to talk about other than on a superficial level. And people I do have a connection with, I either push away until they break or through my countless suicide attempts. True story, bro.

Does this make me an emo 16 year old? No.

I bloody love and cherish the people around me, but am still haunted and disappointed by my misery. Unlike SOME, I do not revel in my misery. I try to beat it, get over it, learn from it.

Yes, I am still desperately unhappy. But I don't make it my business to make other people the same.

 

[SofiasMami]

I'm not surprised you don't have any friends. Unlike the vast majority of the people on this board, you sound like a very nasty person. The only person to blame for your predicament is yourself.

+1
You'll find the answer to your problems within yourself. It's there, you need to find it, not me or anyone else.

Teresa

 

[franciscobarril]

"Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before."

Hatred really isn't a negative emotion. Indifference is.

 

[Callie]

"Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before."

Hatred really isn't a negative emotion. Indifference is.

IS it better to have "loved and lost"?
I'm not really so sure about that, cuz it's hell.

 

[PurpleDays]

THIS should be an interesting debate....

*sits back and waits for the madness to ensue*

 

[Callie]

Meh, I don't really see how there can be a debate, because it's kinda either one or the other so there's no way of actually knowing cuz no one can have it both ways. Those who have never loved have their opinions and those who HAVE loved have theirs. All I'm saying is that it's not really that straightforward as to one way or another. There are those that split amicably that may feel okayish toward the person they have loved, but if it wasn't that way, you have to wonder about things and the hurt really never goes away. Then you have unrequited love....

 

[Ghost Boy]

I think it's safe to say that we all have experienced loneliness in one form or another. It's not a matter of who has had it the worst. We all come here to talk about our problems and how we can fix it.

 

[Limlim]

Omg I am totally more lonely than all of you!!

Because I legally changed my name to "Lonely"

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sweet Limlim, is it just Lonely like Cher or Madonna?

 

[Limlim]

God dammit! I never get to be original >_<

 

[annexe]

I'm pretty offended by your bold attempt at invalidating everyone's experience of loneliness but your own. You can only glean so much about people's lives here by what they choose to post. Users here only share so much about their lives; it's impossible to know whether they decide to share the full extent of their problems. Comparing what you little you do know about them to your own situation is senseless.

Please stop being so egoistic. It would do you good to gain a sense of empathy.

 

[Alex]

I agree with the OP. There ARE different levels of loneliness. There are people on here who clearly have more contacts etc with the world then others. There are 'freaks' who have literally no-one. These people can't relate to other posts which say things like 'had a bad day today, my boss was rude to me' etc. Or 'just had an argument with my partner' etc. Because this indicates them having some form of a life. People who have had relationships even if they sucked in the end were still brave enough to enter into a relationship and they experienced all the good feelings that one gets from beginning a relationship. People who have never had relationships are for whatever reason in their psychology unable to take this risk, meaning they do not get these intimate experiences. I'm not saying either of these groups belong more to this forum but why deny there are different levels of loneliness?

 

[megahexen]

Who says those "emo 16 yr olds" aren't genuinely scared?
This forum is for everyone who feels lonely, no one can decide what deems "lonely" for any person, but themselves. I live within 12 miles of my ENTIRE family, doesn't mean I see them, doesn't mean they care about me.

I'm sorry, but if you have nothing, that's no one's fault but your own. If you choose to stay that way and don't TRY to make your life "better" or "more fulfilled" than that is also no one's fault but your own. And don't bother putting your age out there cuz I'm 30 too and I have to start my life over with NOTHING and NO ONE, except for one or two friends who live thousands of miles away and I've never actually met before. But ya know what, I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna sit around my house feeling sorry for myself and judging others because it's too hard or I'm too old to get a better life. The ONLY time it's too late or too hard is when you're dead. ANY time before that, I don't care if you're 15, 30 or 80, it's fair game, if you want it, GO GET IT.

Stop being rude..Being lonely and feeling desperate is no ones fault. If it was i would have worked it out long time ago...If you can show me what's wrong with me or any of these people who kill their time here for the expectation of meeting someone and sharing thoughts they will be really grateful including me. But no one can do that. Every person tries their best to over come this feeling but they fail. I have been doing all kind of things for the past 4 or 5 years but non of them really worked. This is a curse a feeling that never leave me until im dead. May be that's the way we are born. So it's non of our fault..and i also have to agree with james some there are alot of people who dont have much of problems to be here. Some ppl just come and visit the forums as a leisure time activity. But there truly are some people like me who really wants to know what the **** is going on with their lives..they need an answer i need an answer...

 

[floffyschneeman]

Who says those "emo 16 yr olds" aren't genuinely scared?
This forum is for everyone who feels lonely, no one can decide what deems "lonely" for any person, but themselves. I live within 12 miles of my ENTIRE family, doesn't mean I see them, doesn't mean they care about me.

I'm sorry, but if you have nothing, that's no one's fault but your own. If you choose to stay that way and don't TRY to make your life "better" or "more fulfilled" than that is also no one's fault but your own. And don't bother putting your age out there cuz I'm 30 too and I have to start my life over with NOTHING and NO ONE, except for one or two friends who live thousands of miles away and I've never actually met before. But ya know what, I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna sit around my house feeling sorry for myself and judging others because it's too hard or I'm too old to get a better life. The ONLY time it's too late or too hard is when you're dead. ANY time before that, I don't care if you're 15, 30 or 80, it's fair game, if you want it, GO GET IT.

Stop being rude..Being lonely and feeling desperate is no ones fault. If it was i would have worked it out long time ago...If you can show me what's wrong with me or any of these people who kill their time here for the expectation of meeting someone and sharing thoughts they will be really grateful including me. But no one can do that. Every person tries their best to over come this feeling but they fail. I have been doing all kind of things for the past 4 or 5 years but non of them really worked. This is a curse a feeling that never leave me until im dead. May be that's the way we are born. So it's non of our fault..and i also have to agree with james some there are alot of people who dont have much of problems to be here. Some ppl just come and visit the forums as a leisure time activity. But there truly are some people like me who really wants to know what the **** is going on with their lives..they need an answer i need an answer...

I don't think Callie is being rude. Most of the time, we need to hear the truth that even with the sad circumstances we face in our lives and some of those are so far from our control, there would still be something we can do to make our lives at least, a bit better. Sometimes it's just easier to think we're gonna fail instead of risking and see ourselves fail again. It sucks to tell yourself ''I told you so'' when it comes to failing. Later on, our negativity with ourselves become a comfort zone and we are bound to live in fear, fear of trying.

Of course there are things that are given to us and we can't change that, but we can learn to cope with it and learn to live with it, see pass through it and try to be happy.

Like this guy in this video... [video=youtube]

Who would think he could become a wrestler right? Same goes for us, things happen in our lives that get us so down and no one would think we could still be happy but that will only be true if we, in ourselves, think that we can never be happy. And I think that is what Callie is saying.


And for what the poster said about most people not knowing what loneliness is, he didn't talk about members who go here cos they're bored. He talked about people whining about problems that are so little compared to his and thus, he thinks they don't know what loneliness is. That's what I understood, I don't know for you and for others here.

I understand the feeling though, cos sometimes I feel it too, specially when I am too hurt or too lonely. But it's pointless to diss down someone's loneliness just cos you think yours is greater or more valid.

Like physical pain, we have different threshold of emotional pain too. Some can take a lot hardship and some can't. That also goes with loneliness, as it is also a form of emotional pain. When we were kids and our mums would leave us in an unfamiliar place to get something, we felt lonely and scared. Thinking about it now, we know there wasn't any reason to be scared or afraid. But at that particular time we felt our worst. It doesn't mean that the fear and loneliness we felt at that time wasn't genuine.

We all have our own experiences, our own situations, but when we feel lonely and seek out to others to lessen our loneliness, when we try to connect so that we can cope, like what we all are doing here in this forum, no one, as in NO ONE has the right to tell us what we are feeling is not real or not valid or that what we are feeling now is not loneliness. That's pointless and it can't help in anyway. So if someone will tell you, ''yeah, your the loneliest person here'', would that make you feel any better?



P.S. I hope we can all be happy. We're here to support each other and that's what matters.

 

[Callie]

Stop being rude..Being lonely and feeling desperate is no ones fault. If it was i would have worked it out long time ago...If you can show me what's wrong with me or any of these people who kill their time here for the expectation of meeting someone and sharing thoughts they will be really grateful including me. But no one can do that. Every person tries their best to over come this feeling but they fail. I have been doing all kind of things for the past 4 or 5 years but non of them really worked. This is a curse a feeling that never leave me until im dead. May be that's the way we are born. So it's non of our fault..and i also have to agree with james some there are alot of people who dont have much of problems to be here. Some ppl just come and visit the forums as a leisure time activity. But there truly are some people like me who really wants to know what the **** is going on with their lives..they need an answer i need an answer...

*Adding a disclaimer so no one decides to read something that isn't there. I used a GENERALIZED "you" in the post, it's not about any one person, it's about everyone.*

Okay, I really fail to see how I'm being rude. And I'm sorry if you think otherwise, but we are each responsible for our own lives. What happens in them is a result of how we each think and respond to certain situations that arise in our lives. YOU are responsible for how your handle your life and life's obstacles. These actions, in their own respect will be how your life turns out. If you are negative all the time and make excuses all the time, then yes, your life will be like this, you will look down on others and judge them because you think THEIR problems aren't as bad as YOUR problems. They don't know, because they aren't as old as you or haven't been through what you've been through.

To each their own, what works for one will not work for another. If your life is not where you want it to be, then you either really want it to be that way, you're too scared or lazy to change it, or you get off your ass and DO something or another until you succeed.

I've dealt with excuses all my life and for a good period of time, I even had all my own excuses why I shouldn't do anything, but it's a cop out. My life was the way it was because I let it get there, I let what happened happen because I was too scared to change it. Too worried about what would happen if I didn't.

It's YOUR choice how you deal with life, and it's those choices that will determine how your life is going to be. Yes, there are people who will put your down and you will fail and fall, but it's YOUR choice how you deal with those events. And how you deal with things is what will determine is your life is okay, good or bad.

Just IMO, but people spend too much time finding excuses for why they can't do something (myself included, at times)