young me vs. middle-aged women

[Shloves89]

For the past few years, I’ve been thinking about certain aspects of my past a lot. This time, it’s the way women that were old enough to be my mother treated me growing up. I’ve had several teachers in this aforementioned group treat me harshly— an 8th grade teacher I absolutely loved even took me out into the hallway, full-on screaming at me with the door open— class full of kids— because she thought I did not give a paper to her, and I told her that she did in fact receive it from me (Turns out she lost my paper). She never apologized even after I burst into tears, heartbroken, and just said coldly, “you can hate me if you want.”
For background, I was never a bad student, child, teen etc. when it came to school. I was an honors student and I never went out of my way to give authority figures trouble or stress.
My first supervisor at my very first job hated me and tried to find every opportunity to remind me— all because at 18, I became more introverted by the time I began to work. The words “you have no personality, you’re like a zombie” flew out of her mouth one day when I was in her office, as she was venting about small mistakes I made that were easily fixable. I bought her a Yankee Candle gift basket for Christmas one year and put it in her office— didn’t get any acknowledgment or a thank you, and a week later, got yelled at again for something small I had forgotten to do.
Even had a psychology professor in this category show that she didn’t particularly care for me, when we were doing an in-class assignment. She made friendly small talk with every student as she went around the room, but when it was my turn to speak to her, she just gave me this somewhat wide-eyed, fake smile and I had to break the silence… if looks could kill in that moment, I’d be dead! When she was done with me, the rest of the students also got her friendly side.
I promise you all that I most certainly don’t hate middle-aged women… I don’t hate anybody… but I would just love some theories as to why I received this treatment from women older than me specifically. I know people my age who got along with adults better than in their age group, and it breaks my heart sometimes knowing that it was always the opposite for me. Every time I have been targeted or bullied, I never had that problem from someone my age. They were always older, married with a mortgage and adult/teen children. And with my personality, you’d think it’d be the other way around. Thank you for reading.

 

[okidoke]

I've had plenty of women who were my superiors in the workplace that have bullied me, or attempted to in various ways and I've always struggled to understand why I was their target. Same with plenty of guys as well. I guess I showed some sort of weakness or vulnerability and perhaps I was threatening to their position or their feeling of empowerment or something, I really don't know. I always just tried to get along with everyone and just did my job the best I could. I wasn't a brown-noser or a teacher's pet or pretentious or anything else that I'm aware of. I think some people just get irritated by other people purely because of some inner issue THEY have. To cope with this issue they just target certain people to make themselves feel better some how. I shan't go into it here, but my whole career and integrity was destroyed by such women. It took me years to overcome my bitterness (which 1% still lingers) and I just try to look at positives in my life now. My trust of people has diminished, but it was healthier for me to let everything go. So, short answer, some people are just a-holes with an axe to grind somewhere.

 

[Cherubino]

I've had plenty of women who were my superiors in the workplace that have bullied me, or attempted to in various ways and I've always struggled to understand why I was their target. Same with plenty of guys as well. I guess I showed some sort of weakness or vulnerability and perhaps I was threatening to their position or their feeling of empowerment or something, I really don't know. I always just tried to get along with everyone and just did my job the best I could. I wasn't a brown-noser or a teacher's pet or pretentious or anything else that I'm aware of. I think some people just get irritated by other people purely because of some inner issue THEY have. To cope with this issue they just target certain people to make themselves feel better some how. I shan't go into it here, but my whole career and integrity was destroyed by such women. It took me years to overcome my bitterness (which 1% still lingers) and I just try to look at positives in my life now. My trust of people has diminished, but it was healthier for me to let everything go. So, short answer, some people are just a-holes with an axe to grind somewhere.

same here ... the difference is I still live among them in a small community and I am triggered every time I see them and that keeps me in the house all the time

 

[ardour]

.... The men aren't flocking any more...pre menopause changes.... issues with men from previous relationships...or maybe nobody showed up when they were young and now it's too late for a family.

My first manager was like this. Granted I was making a lot of mistakes, but it was over the top and very personal. She was unmarried and in her late 40s I think.

 

[Unsigned]

For the past few years, I’ve been thinking about certain aspects of my past a lot. This time, it’s the way women that were old enough to be my mother treated me growing up. I’ve had several teachers in this aforementioned group treat me harshly— an 8th grade teacher I absolutely loved even took me out into the hallway, full-on screaming at me with the door open— class full of kids— because she thought I did not give a paper to her, and I told her that she did in fact receive it from me (Turns out she lost my paper). She never apologized even after I burst into tears, heartbroken, and just said coldly, “you can hate me if you want.”
For background, I was never a bad student, child, teen etc. when it came to school. I was an honors student and I never went out of my way to give authority figures trouble or stress.
My first supervisor at my very first job hated me and tried to find every opportunity to remind me— all because at 18, I became more introverted by the time I began to work. The words “you have no personality, you’re like a zombie” flew out of her mouth one day when I was in her office, as she was venting about small mistakes I made that were easily fixable. I bought her a Yankee Candle gift basket for Christmas one year and put it in her office— didn’t get any acknowledgment or a thank you, and a week later, got yelled at again for something small I had forgotten to do.
Even had a psychology professor in this category show that she didn’t particularly care for me, when we were doing an in-class assignment. She made friendly small talk with every student as she went around the room, but when it was my turn to speak to her, she just gave me this somewhat wide-eyed, fake smile and I had to break the silence… if looks could kill in that moment, I’d be dead! When she was done with me, the rest of the students also got her friendly side.
I promise you all that I most certainly don’t hate middle-aged women… I don’t hate anybody… but I would just love some theories as to why I received this treatment from women older than me specifically. I know people my age who got along with adults better than in their age group, and it breaks my heart sometimes knowing that it was always the opposite for me. Every time I have been targeted or bullied, I never had that problem from someone my age. They were always older, married with a mortgage and adult/teen children. And with my personality, you’d think it’d be the other way around. Thank you for reading.

Pushy, bossy women HATE introverts.
They're opportunistic bullies just like HS jocks and jerks.

“you have no personality, you’re like a zombie”
- My mother used to say things like this to me. Only not so reserved.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I just ignore them and keep to myself.
Usually my approach to a job is that I focus on my work and teach myself how to do my job inside and out until it's built into my muscle memory.
The reason I do that is so that I can put my work on relative auto-pilot so that I can think about things I actually enjoy thinking about instead. Namely gaming, movies, music, cosmology, historical and mythological trivia.
As for the social aspect of the workforce, what about it?
Most of the time it's usually fake anyhow, and on the very rare instances that it isn't, it's kept at a balance of professional relations.
Most of the stuff that I'm into as hobbies, is either European or Asian in cultural origin, and I'm stuck in the Southeast of the U.S. where I gotta drive at least an hour or two to find even a small community of 10 - 20 people that even know wtf I'm talking about, and I don't really bother to do so because I've kind of outgrown the communities of my primary entertainment interests. But I mean, it's entertainment, you really don't need a community for entertainment unless it's a community-based medium, which, it isn't, not really anyhow.

 

[Cherubino]

In my country that was in the Communist Camp the Sexual Revolution took place in the 90s instead of the 60s ... therefore most of the women and even men of my generation married early and virgins and then turned into frustrated middle age whose main pleasure was gossiping and flirting all the way like in a general orgy ... and woe to those who don't want to participate in it

 

[user 150037]

For the past few years, I’ve been thinking about certain aspects of my past a lot. This time, it’s the way women that were old enough to be my mother treated me growing up. I’ve had several teachers in this aforementioned group treat me harshly— an 8th grade teacher I absolutely loved even took me out into the hallway, full-on screaming at me with the door open— class full of kids— because she thought I did not give a paper to her, and I told her that she did in fact receive it from me (Turns out she lost my paper). She never apologized even after I burst into tears, heartbroken, and just said coldly, “you can hate me if you want.”
For background, I was never a bad student, child, teen etc. when it came to school. I was an honors student and I never went out of my way to give authority figures trouble or stress.
My first supervisor at my very first job hated me and tried to find every opportunity to remind me— all because at 18, I became more introverted by the time I began to work. The words “you have no personality, you’re like a zombie” flew out of her mouth one day when I was in her office, as she was venting about small mistakes I made that were easily fixable. I bought her a Yankee Candle gift basket for Christmas one year and put it in her office— didn’t get any acknowledgment or a thank you, and a week later, got yelled at again for something small I had forgotten to do.
Even had a psychology professor in this category show that she didn’t particularly care for me, when we were doing an in-class assignment. She made friendly small talk with every student as she went around the room, but when it was my turn to speak to her, she just gave me this somewhat wide-eyed, fake smile and I had to break the silence… if looks could kill in that moment, I’d be dead! When she was done with me, the rest of the students also got her friendly side.
I promise you all that I most certainly don’t hate middle-aged women… I don’t hate anybody… but I would just love some theories as to why I received this treatment from women older than me specifically. I know people my age who got along with adults better than in their age group, and it breaks my heart sometimes knowing that it was always the opposite for me. Every time I have been targeted or bullied, I never had that problem from someone my age. They were always older, married with a mortgage and adult/teen children. And with my personality, you’d think it’d be the other way around. Thank you for reading.

My theory is they were treated like garbage by their elders, so they grew up doing the same.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

It's curious, the phenomena that's being described here. In my youth, as far as I remember, people were kind to me. Woman teachers and bosses were often exceptionally kind. Some of them may have been hard asses, but generally kind. I had a woman boss who, we weren't fond of each other, as far as work went; but, we could still chat it up and talk on a person to person casual level.

Later on however, I've encountered, I guess what I'll call, "The Woman Who Enjoys Being Feared."

I had one woman boss like this; and I'll never forget a certain moment. To me, she was a woman to be feared. Definitely tough on the exterior. Then one day, one of my coworkers started teasing her like she was a kitten, and she just purred and purred. This man was far less attractive than me, around my age; and I don't think he was any better or worse of a worker than me. The only difference between me and him was, he was probably a far less nervous individual; _and_, he didn't fear her at all. She laughed at his teasing, and was a totally different person around him. I asked him about it, tried to figure out how he did it; and I forget his response. I was never able to imitate his behavior or anything. I think it was as simple as, he didn't fear her, and because he didn't fear her, he didn't have to take her seriously (beyond a certain point), and because he didn't have to take her seriously, he could joke with her, and because he understood her, he could make her laugh. That's about as much as I can gather now.

Aside from that, he was a local, I believe, as she probably was. I'm from the mid-west, and these were south-westerners. Generally there seems to be a different sort of culture here, perhaps, that I've never become accustomed to. It doesn't matter where I go, how I dress, or whatever I do; people seem to be hostile towards me. Not everyone, probably, but, at the very least, because I'm not used to it, it's hard not to notice the negative interactions apart from the positive ones, because the frequency of them is just so absurdly high, and with no discernable cause that I can see.

I do tend to be quite quiet, reserved socially, shy, social anxiety type stuff. I'm far more timid, and not an aggressive type. I'm not assertive either.

I felt like I had an understanding of it briefly, but, suddenly it's escaped me. What I do think, however, is that, my demeanor is just a bit, 'offensive,' and I think what happens is, it's perceived as, 'odd,' or, 'strange.' It's like a Tulip in bushel of roses. It's not in how I dress, or how I look. It's just the, 'feel,' I radiate. Like some people give off this, 'feel,' that makes others gravitate towards them; it's just a feel.

So, I can imagine a woman, being raised in a male dominant, 'tough guy,' family environment; and, in being forced to adapt to that, might also become intolerant of different demeanors. Perhaps it scares them, because it reminds them of a time they felt scared and perhaps, consequently alone; and the only way for them to overcome that was to, 'join the team,' so to speak, and leave that behind.

And perhaps having left it behind, they overcame it, but, it never quite got, 'resolved;' just left behind. So perhaps when they are reminded of it, they, 'attack.' That's typically what we sometimes do when we can't tolerate something else.

Like spiders for example. They scare me. They make me uncomfortable. I'm more of a threat to them, but, I can be intolerant of the larger ones.

The difficult thing is, when you are the spider, I don't know what you do... Generally speaking, in my experience, western societies are very, very male dominant. The men are men, the women want to do the things men do, and have the power that they do. Men can be pussies, and even women will tell you to, 'man-up.' It's not like this everywhere with everyone, and to a certain degree it's necessary and useful; but, none the less, it's there.

Where I used to live, quiet reserved men were valued. A lot of the women were very gregarious; but, not in an insecure way. So, a good portion of them valued a man who didn't mind, 'riding in the passenger seat,' so to speak.

So in my experience, I've known differences in attitudes; and, the best that I can tell is, they vary across cultures, locations, and climates.

@Unsigned For example, with you, I wondered to myself the other day, "Why the fresia don't you live in Texas?" You seem like your attitudes and demeanor would be much more on par with the average Texan, than the average New Yorker.

Not all of us can afford or have the means to try out new living places. But, the boonies are different than the suburbs. And the suburbs are different from the city. And the city is different than the inner city. And one booney to the next can be very different, as well as city to city, country, hemisphere, etc. etc..

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Generally I think it comes down to one of two things; and they both might be very much the same thing, or, at least related in some way.

1: Trickle down harassment. This is when your boss gives you sh*t, and you can't give him sh*t back because he's your boss, so you give your inferior(s) sh*t, and then they pass the sh*t down to their inferiors, until the last person gets stuck with it, because no one is below him/her.

and 2: fear. It's not uncommon for us to respond to what we fear with hostility. It is not always so, but it's fight/freeze/flight. And fight is an option. And often times we don't realize we fear something/someone. And we just despise it...

and then I'll add number 3: and it goes as follows.

A woman, generally, is the fairer of the species; just as generally, it is a man's duty to honor that and respect that in harmony by being respectful of that and protective. However, some men in life, for certain women, are generally more to be feared, than feeling safe around. So one can imagine, having their general position in life, being used against them, taken advantage of, perhaps, in seeing that same weakness in some one else, as an opportunity, to let some of that repressed suffering/rage, trickle on down (The old adage, 'the oppressed becomes the oppressor'). Like the, 'safe friend,' but instead, 'the one you know can't fight back (because he respects and honors the feminine and she knows that as 'his' weakness as she had 'hers,' in the past).

And then as they say, you have to, 'break the cycle,' because then that same man, will grow to resent in the, 'other,' the very thing that, 'other,' learned to, 'resent,' in their perceived, 'other,' and it goes round and round....

Vicious circles/Vicious cycle...

I suppose ultimately, we have to resolve the conflicts within ourselves, when that is where they reside. That seems to be what the great philosophies that deal with these realms seem to suggest.

 

[Unsigned]

My theory is they were treated like garbage by their elders, so they grew up doing the same.

My grandma was a very sweet lady.
My mother was controlling, manipulative and narcissistic. It wasn't due to her elders. She also greatly resented that my father did whatever he wanted, like going on golf vacations with his friends. And she made sure that I would not be like him. She raised me to be a bullied victim instead. If my father wasn't going to take the lead in raising me, then he should have sent me to military school.

 

[Unsigned]

For example, with you, I wondered to myself the other day, "Why the fresia don't you live in Texas?" You seem like your attitudes and demeanor would be much more on par with the average Texan, than the average New Yorker

My plan is to move to Florida in 5 years or less. I've been to Houston 3 times and liked it as well.

 

[user 150037]

Been to Florida! Orlando. Back in 2006. I always remember the rain being like a hot shower.