psy-_-chosis
New member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2020
- Messages
- 3
- Reaction score
- 0
Hello,
Every relationship I get into, I seem to get it wrong. Either I choose the wrong person for me unintentionally, or I have a mental breakdown. My last relationship was really bad. I am trying to forget the good times of it, so that I don't get upset or have rose-coloured glasses about it. I think the truth is, I made plenty of bad decisions for it to end so badly, and for the whole relationship to be a roller coaster (and not in a good way) for my mental well-being. I felt determined to make it work, even with glaring red flags throughout and even at the start. She cheated many times, I do beat myself up about how I allowed it and forgave her, only for her to do it again. Not only that but it is basically known that this happened. I feel like a complete fool or weak person and cannot see how anyone will ever judge me other than that. I lost my flat which we lived in for about a year. I went back to my parents which is kind of sad at my age.
After the breakup, and kind of at the end of it, I went into another psychotic episode which basically lasted for several months. I am now getting flashbacks of my episode, now that I am okay again. It's horrible. Sometimes I truly feel like a burden to people that love me. My family, my friends. Because they all helped me through it, even work helped me through it. I keep getting it wrong. I keep getting Love wrong. I try to analyse it and over-think it a lot. Maybe I keep punishing myself and selling myself short by just staying with the wrong people in relationships. Perhaps I feel I am not worthy of better. I can't cope with the dating websites and apps. I never get dates out of them. The women I meet on nights out just don't feel like people I should try with anymore. Also, I sometimes think is a relationship even worth it anymore. They will find out I have Schizophrenia and run, or I will fall in love with someone and it will end badly. I can't even fathom marrying or having children. I think that would not be fair on them to have a father with mental health issues, or parents who could get divorced.
Basically, I am lost.
I am resilient, however. I am kind, caring and funny. I have a good passion for music, which really helps me. I enjoy work and am doing well there and improving every day. I am getting accustomed to solitude again. I am beginning to exercise again. I am growing out of partying and 'going out'. I have had many flings and short relationships but the last relationship before this one(which lasted over a year) was in 2011. I guess I will wait another 10 years for another chance, and erase the last 2 years from my memory.
Should I not bother looking or pursuing relationships, and let it happen?
Should I keep trying with dating apps?
Should I just accept being alone forever and avoid relationships?
I'd like to know what people who don't know me think.
Every relationship I get into, I seem to get it wrong. Either I choose the wrong person for me unintentionally, or I have a mental breakdown. My last relationship was really bad. I am trying to forget the good times of it, so that I don't get upset or have rose-coloured glasses about it. I think the truth is, I made plenty of bad decisions for it to end so badly, and for the whole relationship to be a roller coaster (and not in a good way) for my mental well-being. I felt determined to make it work, even with glaring red flags throughout and even at the start. She cheated many times, I do beat myself up about how I allowed it and forgave her, only for her to do it again. Not only that but it is basically known that this happened. I feel like a complete fool or weak person and cannot see how anyone will ever judge me other than that. I lost my flat which we lived in for about a year. I went back to my parents which is kind of sad at my age.
After the breakup, and kind of at the end of it, I went into another psychotic episode which basically lasted for several months. I am now getting flashbacks of my episode, now that I am okay again. It's horrible. Sometimes I truly feel like a burden to people that love me. My family, my friends. Because they all helped me through it, even work helped me through it. I keep getting it wrong. I keep getting Love wrong. I try to analyse it and over-think it a lot. Maybe I keep punishing myself and selling myself short by just staying with the wrong people in relationships. Perhaps I feel I am not worthy of better. I can't cope with the dating websites and apps. I never get dates out of them. The women I meet on nights out just don't feel like people I should try with anymore. Also, I sometimes think is a relationship even worth it anymore. They will find out I have Schizophrenia and run, or I will fall in love with someone and it will end badly. I can't even fathom marrying or having children. I think that would not be fair on them to have a father with mental health issues, or parents who could get divorced.
Basically, I am lost.
I am resilient, however. I am kind, caring and funny. I have a good passion for music, which really helps me. I enjoy work and am doing well there and improving every day. I am getting accustomed to solitude again. I am beginning to exercise again. I am growing out of partying and 'going out'. I have had many flings and short relationships but the last relationship before this one(which lasted over a year) was in 2011. I guess I will wait another 10 years for another chance, and erase the last 2 years from my memory.
Should I not bother looking or pursuing relationships, and let it happen?
Should I keep trying with dating apps?
Should I just accept being alone forever and avoid relationships?
I'd like to know what people who don't know me think.
Last edited: