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LonelyGuy1

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2014 has been by far the worst year of my life, emotionally. I'll get to why, but first, a little background...

I'm a 34-year-old male virgin. I've never kissed a girl, or done any of the stuff that comes after that. I've never had a girlfriend. It's certainly not for a lack of desire. I tried, many times in my youth, to find someone. But no one I liked ever cared about me. I've been unlucky in this area of my life.

For a long time, I pushed any thoughts of wanting to find someone out of my head. Once I was out of college/grad school (about 8 years ago) and I was no longer seeing couples on campus, I almost forgot that I was alone. Without those visual reminders, it was easy enough to forget about it. I focused on finding work, doing well at my job, and spending time with my friends. That was enough for me.

It's like I turned off the part of my mind that had any desire for a romantic connection, intimacy, any of that...I just ignored it. For years, I honestly didn't think about the fact that I was single. I didn't yearn to be with someone. I was just fine being on my own. I didn't feel like I was missing out. I had this idea that I'd find her when it was 'my time,' and even then, it was a passing thought, mostly during the holidays or when making a wish for the coming year at my birthday.

Flash forward to this year. I finally moved out of my family's home, and am now living 'on my own,' albeit with a roommate. I started doing speed dating/singles events in January, figuring that now that I had my own place, I was in a better position to find someone. For a few months, I kept trying, but it still hadn't hit me how lonely I truly was.

Easter morning, I left a friend's house, got in my car, and BAM! it hit me. Hit me like a train. A sappy love song came on the radio, and I lost it. I wasn't just tearing up, I was sobbing. The whole ride home, I was crying my eyes out. I couldn't even believe that I could cry so forcefully, but there it was.

Ever since that day, I've cried at least once per day. I can't believe how raw, sharp, and accessible my emotions are. I feel like I've been numb for years and I'm just now starting to feel emotions again.

Now, I'm on 4-5 dating sites, I do speed dating, singles events, I've consulted a matchmaker, and I tell anyone and everyone I can think of that I'm looking for someone. I'm in crisis mode. I want this now. In fact, I need this now. It's a basic human need that I've ignored for far too long. I have no more pride of shame about being single. I just want out of this phase of my life ASAP. All I want is to have a great relationship. I see happy couples and wonder what it's like to actually have someone.

Sometimes, I wish more than anything that I could turn this off and go back to not caring about being single, but when you push down feelings for almost a decade, they resurge stronger than ever. It's scary to me how intensely I feel about this. I don't want to spend another moment of my life single. It feels like a punishment. I've decided that I won't be celebrating my birthday this year (35, kind of a milestone) if I don't have someone special in my life. It may sound harsh, but it's my day and I'll celebrate it (or not) as I choose. I have no interest in sitting in front of a birthday cake crying my eyes out in front of a group of people when it comes time to make a wish. I refuse to put myself through that.

People I know try to help when they tell me to focus on the good things in my life, but it's very hard to be happy when your heart is aching, your frustrations are rising, and your desires are raging.

Just been a really rough year...thanks for reading. I'm so glad I found this site.
 
dear god LG...i truly feel for you...but i do think that even when you thought those needs/feelings were supressed you ultimately knew they were there...it's the stepping stones of life that prevail...i wish you the best of luck...good things come to those who wait :)
 
LonelyGuy1 said:
2014 has been by far the worst year of my life, emotionally. I'll get to why, but first, a little background...

I'm a 34-year-old male virgin. I've never kissed a girl, or done any of the stuff that comes after that. I've never had a girlfriend. It's certainly not for a lack of desire. I tried, many times in my youth, to find someone. But no one I liked ever cared about me. I've been unlucky in this area of my life.

For a long time, I pushed any thoughts of wanting to find someone out of my head. Once I was out of college/grad school (about 8 years ago) and I was no longer seeing couples on campus, I almost forgot that I was alone. Without those visual reminders, it was easy enough to forget about it. I focused on finding work, doing well at my job, and spending time with my friends. That was enough for me.

It's like I turned off the part of my mind that had any desire for a romantic connection, intimacy, any of that...I just ignored it. For years, I honestly didn't think about the fact that I was single. I didn't yearn to be with someone. I was just fine being on my own. I didn't feel like I was missing out. I had this idea that I'd find her when it was 'my time,' and even then, it was a passing thought, mostly during the holidays or when making a wish for the coming year at my birthday.

Flash forward to this year. I finally moved out of my family's home, and am now living 'on my own,' albeit with a roommate. I started doing speed dating/singles events in January, figuring that now that I had my own place, I was in a better position to find someone. For a few months, I kept trying, but it still hadn't hit me how lonely I truly was.

Easter morning, I left a friend's house, got in my car, and BAM! it hit me. Hit me like a train. A sappy love song came on the radio, and I lost it. I wasn't just tearing up, I was sobbing. The whole ride home, I was crying my eyes out. I couldn't even believe that I could cry so forcefully, but there it was.

Ever since that day, I've cried at least once per day. I can't believe how raw, sharp, and accessible my emotions are. I feel like I've been numb for years and I'm just now starting to feel emotions again.

Now, I'm on 4-5 dating sites, I do speed dating, singles events, I've consulted a matchmaker, and I tell anyone and everyone I can think of that I'm looking for someone. I'm in crisis mode. I want this now. In fact, I need this now. It's a basic human need that I've ignored for far too long. I have no more pride of shame about being single. I just want out of this phase of my life ASAP. All I want is to have a great relationship. I see happy couples and wonder what it's like to actually have someone.

Sometimes, I wish more than anything that I could turn this off and go back to not caring about being single, but when you push down feelings for almost a decade, they resurge stronger than ever. It's scary to me how intensely I feel about this. I don't want to spend another moment of my life single. It feels like a punishment. I've decided that I won't be celebrating my birthday this year (35, kind of a milestone) if I don't have someone special in my life. It may sound harsh, but it's my day and I'll celebrate it (or not) as I choose. I have no interest in sitting in front of a birthday cake crying my eyes out in front of a group of people when it comes time to make a wish. I refuse to put myself through that.

People I know try to help when they tell me to focus on the good things in my life, but it's very hard to be happy when your heart is aching, your frustrations are rising, and your desires are raging.

Just been a really rough year...thanks for reading. I'm so glad I found this site.
Click to expand...

I understand you all too well LonelyGuy1. I'm 38 and still a virgin. Haven't had my first kiss yet. Have never cuddled or even held hands with a girl. The only hugs I remember having were from elderly female relatives, and that all ended 18 years ago. I've been on dating sites, some of them for over a decade, and never got a reply to any message I sent. Never got a response to my profile on any of the sites. And now those sites are sending me emails telling me that that are going to delete my profile because I don't use it anymore (I wonder why not). I don't have any friends to hang out with, let alone maybe meet someone through them. I've been to classes, courses, sporting activities, volunteering, hobby groups, and work .... and none of it helps one iota. I never fit in. I went for 3 years trying to tell myself that I didn't care about it. Telling myself that I didn't need anyone, and that anyway, it would happen one day, when I least expected it to ... like so many said that it would. But it never did. And thinking like that, feeling like that, almost destroyed me. Literally. I guess some would say that it's a shame that it didn't. I see couples together, smiling, laughing, kissing, holding hands .... and it hurts. Deep inside, it hurts. I want to have a family some day. Or at least, I wanted to. It feels like it will never happen now. I cry at least once a day, sometimes more on the really bad days. In the shower is a good place to cry ....

People have told me to focus on the good things too. But, what do you do when all you really want to do is share those good things with someone. Because you're so tired of doing everything alone.

I hope you find someone soon. At least you have friends to see every now and then.
 
I haven't had a serious relationship since early secondary school. At Uni I only chased after one girl and that went badly wrong. These days I dont interact with many girls at all(or many people even for that matter). I guess the fear of another heartbreak is whats holding me back. These days I'd rather make friends without the complications but i have found in the past that even with people who i d classify as friends and who are strict no nos you can get the urge to make something happen out of it. But like I said fellas, we got time on our side, I hope you will find the right girl sooner or later.
 
Cucuboth said:
I understand you all too well LonelyGuy1. I'm 38 and still a virgin. Haven't had my first kiss yet. Have never cuddled or even held hands with a girl. The only hugs I remember having were from elderly female relatives, and that all ended 18 years ago. I've been on dating sites, some of them for over a decade, and never got a reply to any message I sent. Never got a response to my profile on any of the sites. And now those sites are sending me emails telling me that that are going to delete my profile because I don't use it anymore (I wonder why not). I don't have any friends to hang out with, let alone maybe meet someone through them. I've been to classes, courses, sporting activities, volunteering, hobby groups, and work .... and none of it helps one iota. I never fit in. I went for 3 years trying to tell myself that I didn't care about it. Telling myself that I didn't need anyone, and that anyway, it would happen one day, when I least expected it to ... like so many said that it would. But it never did. And thinking like that, feeling like that, almost destroyed me. Literally. I guess some would say that it's a shame that it didn't. I see couples together, smiling, laughing, kissing, holding hands .... and it hurts. Deep inside, it hurts. I want to have a family some day. Or at least, I wanted to. It feels like it will never happen now. I cry at least once a day, sometimes more on the really bad days. In the shower is a good place to cry ....

People have told me to focus on the good things too. But, what do you do when all you really want to do is share those good things with someone. Because you're so tired of doing everything alone.

I hope you find someone soon. At least you have friends to see every now and then.
Click to expand...

Wow, I had to double check that I didn't post this.

Only difference is that I'm 37 years old.
 
I've had to give up on finding someone. I was with someone recently, and it went badly wrong. I'm very depressed and know realistically I won't find anyone. It's sad but the false hope gets too much to stand. I tend to go through phases of giving up or having false hope. I don't know which is worse.
I'm not accepted in my area because of anxiety and depression. I find I get targeted by people on ego trips who make out they're interested in me than ask someone else out and revel in telling me about it. Wanting me to be jealous and feel bad because the more miserable they can make someone the more important they feel about themselves.
 
LonelyGuy1 said:
Easter morning, I left a friend's house, got in my car, and BAM! it hit me. Hit me like a train. A sappy love song came on the radio, and I lost it. I wasn't just tearing up, I was sobbing. The whole ride home, I was crying my eyes out. I couldn't even believe that I could cry so forcefully, but there it was.

Ever since that day, I've cried at least once per day. I can't believe how raw, sharp, and accessible my emotions are. I feel like I've been numb for years and I'm just now starting to feel emotions again.

Now, I'm on 4-5 dating sites, I do speed dating, singles events, I've consulted a matchmaker, and I tell anyone and everyone I can think of that I'm looking for someone. I'm in crisis mode. I want this now. In fact, I need this now. It's a basic human need that I've ignored for far too long. I have no more pride of shame about being single. I just want out of this phase of my life ASAP. All I want is to have a great relationship. I see happy couples and wonder what it's like to actually have someone.

Sometimes, I wish more than anything that I could turn this off and go back to not caring about being single, but when you push down feelings for almost a decade, they resurge stronger than ever. It's scary to me how intensely I feel about this. I don't want to spend another moment of my life single. It feels like a punishment. I've decided that I won't be celebrating my birthday this year (35, kind of a milestone) if I don't have someone special in my life. It may sound harsh, but it's my day and I'll celebrate it (or not) as I choose. I have no interest in sitting in front of a birthday cake crying my eyes out in front of a group of people when it comes time to make a wish. I refuse to put myself through that.

People I know try to help when they tell me to focus on the good things in my life, but it's very hard to be happy when your heart is aching, your frustrations are rising, and your desires are raging.

Just been a really rough year...thanks for reading. I'm so glad I found this site.
Click to expand...

wow, I must say I really admire you, for finally acknowledging your well-hidden feelings and for taking so many steps to improve your situation, kudos to you.
If you still keep improving yourself and putting yourself out there, at some point something good WILL happen, and it doesn't sound like the worst year of your life, even if for sure it must have felt that way, because it's the year when you got things moving.
 
As a current college student, I know how you feel when you were younger. I can't imagine how painful it must have been for you at that time. And, it's completely understandable, we want human contact, we yearn for romantic relationships.... something like you said, you've ignored for a long time. The solution is not giving up, what would happen if you continue to be rejected? The same feelings you have now! The moment you give up is the moment you have a 0% chance. Besides, most relationships that started in 20s don't end up working, and people find their "soul mate" in their 30s, 40s, and heck, even older! ;)

How have you been doing recently?
 
As long as you realized your problem and decided to do something about it, i can only see a kind woman at your arm sooner rather than later ;)
 
Ak5 said:
As a current college student, I know how you feel when you were younger. I can't imagine how painful it must have been for you at that time. And, it's completely understandable, we want human contact, we yearn for romantic relationships.... something like you said, you've ignored for a long time. The solution is not giving up, what would happen if you continue to be rejected? The same feelings you have now! The moment you give up is the moment you have a 0% chance. Besides, most relationships that started in 20s don't end up working, and people find their "soul mate" in their 30s, 40s, and heck, even older! ;)

How have you been doing recently?
Click to expand...

Pretty lousy. I didn't acknowledge my birthday this year, and that hurt. But trust me, it would have hurt far more to celebrate the day given how I feel right now. Christmas is coming up and the ONLY thing I wanted for Christmas this year was to have someone special with whom to share it.

It's just been a really awful year all around. The ONLY thing I want is for this stupid year to be over. I will be so glad to put 2014 behind me.

A lot of people seem to think that my need for love can just be compartmentalized. They seem to think that although I have an aching, desperate need to be with someone, I can somehow not allow my frustration about that need to impact how I feel about how my life in general.

Maybe some people are that strong, but I'm not one of them. I am not enjoying any of this struggle. I can fake it in public and seem like a happy person, but it's all for show. I feel empty inside. Her absence is a void that no substitute can fill. I'm just going through the motions until she gets here. I am beyond tired of happily coupled people trivializing what I'm going through right now.

THEY JUST DON'T GET IT.
 
You're right, loneliness is something that hits you to the very core, and it's a different experience to every person. And I understand, and I feel for you, my friend. :)

It feels like you're just trudging forward into emptiness, into a tunnel with no light at the end of it. Yet, it's important to remember that you just can't predict the future, you don't know what's going to happen. Relationships, like loneliness, are complex things; some may take a long time to flourish, while some do quite quickly. Like I said, the best thing you can do is not to shut yourself out of any opportunity, grasp them.

Getting back to what you were saying, I understand your pain, especially the whole faking it in public, and I hope you never give up. Christmastime can be horrible when alone, but, you just got to keep on trudging forward.
 
LonelyGuy1 said:
Ak5 said:
As a current college student, I know how you feel when you were younger. I can't imagine how painful it must have been for you at that time. And, it's completely understandable, we want human contact, we yearn for romantic relationships.... something like you said, you've ignored for a long time. The solution is not giving up, what would happen if you continue to be rejected? The same feelings you have now! The moment you give up is the moment you have a 0% chance. Besides, most relationships that started in 20s don't end up working, and people find their "soul mate" in their 30s, 40s, and heck, even older! ;)

How have you been doing recently?
Click to expand...

Pretty lousy. I didn't acknowledge my birthday this year, and that hurt. But trust me, it would have hurt far more to celebrate the day given how I feel right now. Christmas is coming up and the ONLY thing I wanted for Christmas this year was to have someone special with whom to share it.

It's just been a really awful year all around. The ONLY thing I want is for this stupid year to be over. I will be so glad to put 2014 behind me.

A lot of people seem to think that my need for love can just be compartmentalized. They seem to think that although I have an aching, desperate need to be with someone, I can somehow not allow my frustration about that need to impact how I feel about how my life in general.

Maybe some people are that strong, but I'm not one of them. I am not enjoying any of this struggle. I can fake it in public and seem like a happy person, but it's all for show. I feel empty inside. Her absence is a void that no substitute can fill. I'm just going through the motions until she gets here. I am beyond tired of happily coupled people trivializing what I'm going through right now.

THEY JUST DON'T GET IT.
Click to expand...

I agree, this has been one of the most awful years of my life. Of course it seems that every year is a little worse than the last one.
 
When i was 14 all my friends had a BF and I did not feel odd bout me not having one..

Then when i was 16 I tot i met the man i have been looking for and when we broke of last year i was hurt like never ever before

Am turning 18 pretty soon and I have not had much of a BF. Just once and that didn't last much longer. I have got my years, I know. But right now relationship is not the thing I am focusing on. It is my dreams. I need to make em come true. i realized it that my life being single is the time which i felt as if i was spreading my wings. For a while am gonna stay this way till i realize that i had truly found :my: MAN
 

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