Getting refered to as "The only single person here."

[Naizo]

Really sucks, despite not wanting a relationship. Shouldnt hurt my feelings but it did. Friend of mine didnt mean it in a harmful way, but it was.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why is it that you think you don't want a relationship. I think you might be lying to yourself a little bit. I could see being annoyed by it if it's said all the time, but if it actually hurts you, I'd say you most likely do want a relationship, but for some reason, you won't allow yourself one.

Have you talked to your friends about it?

 

[Naizo]

I enjoy being alone and not having the responsibility of being involved in anothers life.

Id enjoy a jolly old screw but Id be lying to someone if I told them I wanted a relationship. When I get lonely or wishing I had someone Ill watch some porn and the feeling goes away. So its not that I want to have a relationship, it just hurt to be pointed at like an outlier just because they just got into a relationship and want to talk to everyone about it doesnt mean they need to bring my lifestyle into it.

Theyre just a stupid kid though so I dont hold a grudge, but I did flip them off and ignore them when they said bye have a good day etc. So I am a bit of a cunt. If anything I wont allow myself a relationship because I know Id get bored of it after I got laid, which isnt the kind of person I want to be.

 

[IncolaVacui]

I feel you man.
I was totally fine being the 5th wheel with 2 couples I was really close friends with...until one of them pointed out that they think it's weird that I'm mostly okay with it. She manipulated everyone else into thinking the same way. Long story short, I don't really talk to them anymore for the sake of feeling outcasted. It hurt at first, a lot, because I was really close to them...but over time, I'm willing to let it go now.

 

[Tealeaf]

I can see that. I'm one of two single people I know, and I've been pretty socially active the past couple years, trying new venues for meeting people, etc. No one says anything, but sometimes I feel like it's weird to be single at 30 around here.

 

[ardour]

A single male on the margins of a social group comprising of couples is often seen as creepy or regarded with suspicion. You aren't 'vouched for' by an SO. Not a pleasant feeling. I tend to avoid those sort of gatherings.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't enjoy being one of the last single people I know, but my life isn't in the right state for a relationship right now, I don't know how to attract anyone, and I'm not excited for anyone that is available right now. I'm not into their looks, not really interested in talking about the things they are interested in, they just don't strike me with curiosity and wonder the way those others did. It's been a while since I've been interested in anyone. That's something I think about a lot, even if I can learn how to be more attractive, even if I "self-improve" and it really is possible for me to actually be cool, what if I just never meet anyone I like that much again? There isn't anything I can really do about that. Either I meet someone I like, or I don't. They're there, or they're not. There is only so much I can do.

---

A single male on the margins of a social group comprising of couples is often seen as creepy or regarded with suspicion. You aren't 'vouched for' by an SO. Not a pleasant feeling. I tend to avoid those sort of gatherings.

I don't know about that, man. A lot of my friends are coupled up, and even married, but none of them have ever given me grief about it. No one's ever made me feel creepy or acted suspiciously with me. It's true that being one of the few single persons isn't pleasant, but they haven't made me feel worse for it. I think they know how I feel about it and we just don't talk about it. Either way, it hasn't affected my friendships. I think it helps because we don't really hang out in a couples setting. We just do the same things we've always done, and it works.

 

[AmyTheTemperamental]

I don't really understand what fulfillment people get from pointing out that others aren't in relationships. Does it add substance to their own relationship?

 

[ardour]

I don't really understand what fulfillment people get from pointing out that others aren't in relationships. Does it add substance to their own relationship?

Could be a misguided attempt at encouragment.

 

[Siku]

As cynical as it may sound, it could also be an ego boost, an attempt to look more alpha, or self-righteous judgemental thoughts in the guise of tough love.

Some people are so socially brainwashed that if you're an anomaly to what 'their' idea (the most common one) of the perfect life, you're flawed or weird.

Either way, I can't help but pair such behavior alongside the likes of High School dabble/gossip. Some people just never mature or think one's belongings or success (in this case, relationship goals) is all that matters.

In the end, just do what makes YOU happy or keeps you sane. Even if that means being single. Forget what anyone thinks of you because in the end, they AREN'T you.

I was a third or fifth wheel for a large portion of my adult life. And I often got the same exact treatment. Sometimes at least weekly. To be fair, that is a drawback to hanging out with friends who don't have similar mindsets or interests. So yes, I admit there is some bitterness and bias in me. Doesn't help either that over time, as us (the trio) would hang very often and worked at the same workplace; feelings developed that constantly made two of us feel awful, conflicted and/or guilty for feeling such a way.

Anyways, to make a long story short there is some very real negatives for being a third wheel besides the ridicule or feeling like the odd one out. My best friend and his girlfriend (now, wife) and I began to have very real feelings and extremely deep and thought provoking conversations. I genuinely fell in love with her and I honestly felt she felt the same. Either of us could never admit it because it would tear it all apart. He had financial security and was more socially acceptable, I was the one she would lay her feelings, head, and thoughts on. The former usually wins. Not their fault, just how the world is made to be right now.

Fear and non-acceptance can make one's love narrow instead of open. Either way, I now purposely distant myself from them both. It's double the heartbreak for me to be around them these days. I'm sadly used to that by now anyways, reminiscing and loving from afar as I feel and hope it's for the best.

Strangely and thankfully, when I was dating my last girlfriend, those strong feelings of her were entirely suppressed. I guess some people can only love one person at a time on that level which is why it's usually "couples"?? Now that I'm single again, I constantly fall into and get lost into different former love pits in my mind. I'm sure some of the lonely here can relate to that. Feelings re-surfacing in an instant whenever you meet anyone with similar features to any of the loves of your life... Heh. Can't someone simply 'un-love' someone??

So again, I reiterate, there is some very real negatives for some when you're single long-term and still very social-able. Higher risk of falling in love with one of your close friend's SO's is a very big one. Congrats to those that don't fall under similar circumstances. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious.

Sorry for going into a ramble, just figured I'd be thorough with my views and experience. I also selfishly needed to get that latter bit off my chest..... (sorry OP)

 

[Crimson Angel]

You are who you are; look at your own positives. Embrace your own individuality. There's nothing wrong with being single. If others are pressuring you to get a date that's their problem not yours. I'm single too and I would 100% prefer this lifestyle.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

I think I'm at the endgame of this cycle. Almost all of my friends are now partnered up, whereas I've never really had anything more than a few drunken hookups in nightclubs (all of which I can count on a single hand over the space of my twenties). My reasons for not partnering up are not relevant to this thread, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, and it showed through my actions. Especially if I was crushing on someone at the time.

At this point, I am for all intents and purposes, ostracized from my last social circle entering my mid thirties. I think that somehow, I knew I'd arrive at this point all along, and all of my actions in the past could be chalked down to mental preparation for this outcome. I've been fairly lucky in the past 6 months, in that I've had a move in accommodation and job security to worry about. However, it appears that both of these are meeting favourable ends. With no immediate concerns to worry about, how much vidya would I need to play to convince myself that exile doesn't bother me?

 

[BrettyBoy]

I can see why that would hurt.