How to tell if a friend is finished being a friend and how to cope with it.

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

So, I've sort of noticed someone I've known for years has just stopped really interacting with me. She rarely speaks to me, and when she does, it's brief and formal. From what I can tell, she's already made a new group of friends, still talks to her old one (which I'm a part of), just not me.

Because of this, I think she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. And I mean, that's fine. Her choice I guess. I won't try to make her change her mind if it's really this, and it's not like we've been the closest of friends either. But part of me doubts that she would do this, considering it's sort of unlike her. I spent about an hour last night thinking through this. Basically, what I'm wondering is:

1) How would I know if someone didn't want to be friends anymore?

2) What can I do to cope with this and just let it go?

 

[Nicolelt]

I am kinda going through the same thing with some of my friends. This weekend I found out that one of my friends I have been trying to communicate with will text or call my dad back, but not me! I'm a little upset about that. I guess he really doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I really have no advice when it comes to cope. I just get this "well screw you attitude" and talk to other people and hang out. It doesn't hurt though. I hope someone can give you good advice.

 

[Tiina63]

Could you ask her if she has some sort of problem with you which she would like to talk about? Maybe if there is something, you could get it cleared up.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Could you ask her if she has some sort of problem with you which she would like to talk about? Maybe if there is something, you could get it cleared up.

I've been thinking of it or just asking outright if we're still friends, but I don't want to accidentally insult her.

 

[user 115627]

Most of my friendships ended consensually, but there have been a few that just fizzled out throughout the months and years. It usually starts with neither party having much to say to one another and goes straight downwards from there. The majority of people would never openly call it quits though. Sometimes it just happens when the common ground is removed. School, work place, etc. - seeing each other everyday, but not being terribly important to each other. I don't really know...I'm just going out on a limb here. You won't know till you ask the tough questions.

Regarding your questions:

1) I'd say when the person doesn't show much active interest in your life anymore - asking to hang out, asking how you are and how your life is going. While that might just happen because the person is very busy lately, you should just ask what's going on with him/her lately. If there is no reply or a very delayed reply that doesn't explain why the answer took so long, the passive interest is gone as well...I'm just making up these terms on the fly...generally speaking, if you get the feeling the other one doesn't really care about you anymore and the feeling persists for a while, I'd say it's a dead giveaway the friendship is dissolving.

2) Dive into a hobby of yours, spend time with another good friend (if you have any)...just take your mind off things. There's no masterplan to this. Personally I just learned to swallow it down over the years. A slightly bitter aftertaste is always left, but all in all I'd say I merely accepted the fragile and inconsistent nature of all human relationships.

 

[Sci-Fi]

1) How would I know if someone didn't want to be friends anymore?

They basically stop making any kind of effort to talk to you or spend time with you. They do nothing to even acknowledge your existence.

2) What can I do to cope with this and just let it go?

Dunno have a hard time with this myself.

 

[Erevetot]

Could you ask her if she has some sort of problem with you which she would like to talk about? Maybe if there is something, you could get it cleared up.

I've been thinking of it or just asking outright if we're still friends, but I don't want to accidentally insult her.

That's what I'd do.

Personally, I'd get more insulted and/or sad, if you "just let me go" or think I'm not your friend and do nothing about it, than by asking me if we're friends.
I mean, maybe not ask "Hey, are we friends?", but ask how she's doing because she seems a bit different, and if anything happened or if it's your fault etc you're not talking that much etc. Show that you care about her and your friendship!

Best of luck, I hope it goes fine!!!

 

[Fest]

I'd definitely look to clear things up and get some sort of answer so both parties can have peace of mind. I mean, the worst that can happen is that you end up not being friends anymore which seems like it's already on the table anyway. Just carefully and considerately try to talk through it and hope for the best.

Hope things go well!

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Thanks for the advice guys.
Turns out I was overthinking things again. We talked, and the whole thing was a big misunderstanding.
Thanks again for the advice.

 

[Fest]

Thanks for the advice guys.
Turns out I was overthinking things again. We talked, and the whole thing was a big misunderstanding.
Thanks again for the advice.

Good to hear glad you guys got this sorted.

 

[Tiina63]

I am so glad that all has been resolved.

 

[Regumika]

But wait, what did we get from this thread? Don't over think and don't over react? Though, the two questions are still legit. It may not apply in this particular case, but there just might be some cases in the future that it will apply to.

1. I think this has been answered a few times - When there are very little responses, if at all.

2. For me personally... It's more of an epiphany. One day it just hit me that if I have people that want to stay by my side, great, I'm truly happy. If not? That's fine too. Why is it fine? Because it's not necessarily "me" that they are rejecting, but probably just an interest problem. There is almost no way to fix lack of interests. One does not simply pick up a hobby. If it is a behavioral conflict, then I know what I need to work on - for me.

 

[SophiaGrace]

2. For me personally... It's more of an epiphany. One day it just hit me that if I have people that want to stay by my side, great, I'm truly happy. If not? That's fine too. Why is it fine? Because it's not necessarily "me" that they are rejecting, but probably just an interest problem. There is almost no way to fix lack of interests. One does not simply pick up a hobby. If it is a behavioral conflict, then I know what I need to work on - for me.

It's nice for you to be able to distance yourself from friends rejecting you by saying it's only an interest problem. I imagine if your friends said there was a problem with your personality, or how you were emotionally, it may instead cause issues of self-hatred and blame.

It's so much easier when it's just "Oh, we didn't click because we don't have the same interests." rather than it be the former.