I'm not sure how to start this.
I won't dwell too much on history however I've always had issues regarding low self-esteem. You could blame that on being bullied at school or issues with family members etc but it's by the by, I cannot change my past.
What this has effectively meant is that I've built a bedrock of negative thinking and opinions of my self that are hard-wired into my psyche. In my mind I am nothing more than a 'fat, spotty geek' and will constantly put myself down.
I know this is wrong, and my thinking process is flawed, however I have become so accustomed to this mentality that I am within my comfort zone. In my mind, I know my place, so I say things and sabotage situations in so I stay in that place. It's a damaging and self-defeating process but also comforting. That is hard to explain in words.
This means that I am normally quite shy, and stay away from conflict or areas that are potentially risky. I struggle for words when I speak to strangers, until I get to know them then I don't have an issue.
I'm normally quick to revert to my more insular, negative self when things seem to go wrong, even if it's minor. My self esteem plummets and I fall very quickly.
I'm not writing this all to mope and complain though. I know my flaws and my ambition is to fix them. I need to learn to question my own negative thinking, build my self-esteem and keep that level going. I don't think it'll be easy (ah, negative thought again!).
My question to you all is this, where do I start? I'm aware of things such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but I want to try and change me myself before spending vast sums of money on therapy.
I'm looking for resources, tips, guides, success stories. Even it's is small, daily things, I want to give them a try and I want to hear about what worked for you.
I hope this makes sense. To tell a story, I've reached the mid-twenties and I'm constantly nagged and questioned by friends to why I have never dated people. The simple answer is that I don't think I'm good enough, nor do I ever want a loved one to see the inner, darker me. I 'protect' myself and my friends but keeping everything locked up and at arms length. It's not healthy, I need to change.
Once of my closest friends got engaged recently. I'm delighted for them in one aspect but it leaves a poignant thought that they are able to find something that should be so normal but I will not allow myself the opportunity.
It's made me sit and reflect tonight. It's time I make the change.
I won't dwell too much on history however I've always had issues regarding low self-esteem. You could blame that on being bullied at school or issues with family members etc but it's by the by, I cannot change my past.
What this has effectively meant is that I've built a bedrock of negative thinking and opinions of my self that are hard-wired into my psyche. In my mind I am nothing more than a 'fat, spotty geek' and will constantly put myself down.
I know this is wrong, and my thinking process is flawed, however I have become so accustomed to this mentality that I am within my comfort zone. In my mind, I know my place, so I say things and sabotage situations in so I stay in that place. It's a damaging and self-defeating process but also comforting. That is hard to explain in words.
This means that I am normally quite shy, and stay away from conflict or areas that are potentially risky. I struggle for words when I speak to strangers, until I get to know them then I don't have an issue.
I'm normally quick to revert to my more insular, negative self when things seem to go wrong, even if it's minor. My self esteem plummets and I fall very quickly.
I'm not writing this all to mope and complain though. I know my flaws and my ambition is to fix them. I need to learn to question my own negative thinking, build my self-esteem and keep that level going. I don't think it'll be easy (ah, negative thought again!).
My question to you all is this, where do I start? I'm aware of things such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but I want to try and change me myself before spending vast sums of money on therapy.
I'm looking for resources, tips, guides, success stories. Even it's is small, daily things, I want to give them a try and I want to hear about what worked for you.
I hope this makes sense. To tell a story, I've reached the mid-twenties and I'm constantly nagged and questioned by friends to why I have never dated people. The simple answer is that I don't think I'm good enough, nor do I ever want a loved one to see the inner, darker me. I 'protect' myself and my friends but keeping everything locked up and at arms length. It's not healthy, I need to change.
Once of my closest friends got engaged recently. I'm delighted for them in one aspect but it leaves a poignant thought that they are able to find something that should be so normal but I will not allow myself the opportunity.
It's made me sit and reflect tonight. It's time I make the change.