I feel like a ghost just drifting through life

Zardozi said:

I feel like I've just been existing lately. Every day feels the same. Go to work, spend all day at work alone (I work an autonomous job where I'm not required to speak to anyone), come home to my empty house, fall asleep, rinse and repeat. It gets very depressing sometimes. I've been struggling with really bad depression this year with the realisation that I'm getting older and going through life mostly alone without any friends. I'm only 26, but it really does seem like the older you get the harder it is to make friends as people get busier with their own lives. What also doesn't help is that many people already have friends and aren't looking for new friends.

I'm just so tired of feeling like a ghost, just drifting through life and being a spectator watching the world around me while not really partaking in it. I have almost no-one, really just my partner (long-distance and lives in another country, but I am extremely thankful to be in a relationship), my mother and my grandparents, and that's it. It's been like that pretty much my entire life. I have no idea if it will get any better. I wonder if this really is it and I will just have to accept that I was probably destined to live a very lonely life.

I don't know what to do. I've tried so hard to make new friends and it's almost impossible. I don't relate to anyone. I don't "fit in". Most people my age are extroverted and into sports and getting wasted over the weekend. I'm extremely shy and reserved and have very niche interests. Being autistic makes everything far more difficult. I'm just at a complete loss and I wish more than anything that I could have an awesome friend group I could be a part of. Going through life without friends is unbearable.

Click to expand...

ringwood said:

I do know how you feel. I have a shy and reserved personality and I’ve felt similarily all my life, struggled to make friends and ‘fit in’. Now I’m at the age where I don’t care - I have my family and am content with that, but I do understand the importance of having friends and a support network of like-minded people.

Is there any chance of joining a group or club in one of your niche interests? Or maybe if one doesn’t exist, you could start one? I know that might be a challenging prospect on your part, but you’d be surprised how many people share ‘niche’ interests - often, they turn out to be not-so-niche. Do you care about the age of prospective friends? When I was your age, I preferred the company of people older than me simply because we shared common pastimes. What interests you? What do you like to do for fun?

P.S. Welcome back to the forum! Haven’t seen you here for a long time.

Click to expand...

Zardozi said:

I feel like I've just been existing lately. Every day feels the same. Go to work, spend all day at work alone (I work an autonomous job where I'm not required to speak to anyone), come home to my empty house, fall asleep, rinse and repeat. It gets very depressing sometimes. I've been struggling with really bad depression this year with the realisation that I'm getting older and going through life mostly alone without any friends. I'm only 26, but it really does seem like the older you get the harder it is to make friends as people get busier with their own lives. What also doesn't help is that many people already have friends and aren't looking for new friends.

I'm just so tired of feeling like a ghost, just drifting through life and being a spectator watching the world around me while not really partaking in it. I have almost no-one, really just my partner (long-distance and lives in another country, but I am extremely thankful to be in a relationship), my mother and my grandparents, and that's it. It's been like that pretty much my entire life. I have no idea if it will get any better. I wonder if this really is it and I will just have to accept that I was probably destined to live a very lonely life.

I don't know what to do. I've tried so hard to make new friends and it's almost impossible. I don't relate to anyone. I don't "fit in". Most people my age are extroverted and into sports and getting wasted over the weekend. I'm extremely shy and reserved and have very niche interests. Being autistic makes everything far more difficult. I'm just at a complete loss and I wish more than anything that I could have an awesome friend group I could be a part of. Going through life without friends is unbearable.

Click to expand...

okidoke said:

Hello fellow Aussie. I'm 57 and know how you feel. Am there myself and I have a 24 yo daughter that breaks my heart with her own solitary life, so I know how it's a struggle. I can't tell my own daughter anything (because, y'know, kids right) but I’m really telling you - find people with your interests; whatever that may be. If you don't have any interests, find some. Writing, Art, Cycling, Sports, Games, Hobbies, Photography, Books, ANYTHING! Just start engaging with people who share your likes and it will go from there. DON'T try to hard to fit it. Just find the interest group and go with the flow. DON'T push to do more with anyone outside of that interest; just let friendships grow organically. I wish someone told me all that when I was your age, so I wouldn't have the difficulties I do now. Put yourself out of your comfort zone. Push your boundaries and limitations, and don't worry about any rejections or negative crap. Just feel better in yourself that you're out there doing it. The more independent you become, the more attractive you become to others. They'll want to spend more time with you. People like to be around others who have some confidence, but NOT ARROGANCE. Just think about the type of people you want to spend time with, have a good time with, and be more like that yourself. Nobody wants to be around a sadsack, a party-pooper, a whiner, etc. Be fun to be with. I know it's easy for me to say all this, but you just have to start and take small steps at getting better at being around people. Find an interest that you want to do, not because you think others will like you for doing it. Be genuine.

Click to expand...

Zardozi said:

Thanks for the reply and the welcome back. :") Sorry I disappeared for almost two years. I had a lot of things going on around this time two years ago and I haven't been all too active online since, but I only just now thought I might come back here. I'm hoping I can stay this time. I remember you from my introduction thread I made which seems like a long time ago now, it's good to see you again.

Regarding your questions pertaining to niche interests, I have tried looking around and sadly there isn't much at all. I live in a somewhat small and isolated city so there are less opportunities here compared to one of the major cities. I'm not sure how I would go about creating my own club... I think that would be hard to maintain.

My interests consist of listening to experimental music, retro video games, and cartoons.

Click to expand...

Sunless Sky said:

I grew up as a complete outsider and, to some extent, I still am.

Click to expand...

Zardozi said:

I feel like I've just been existing lately. Every day feels the same. Go to work, spend all day at work alone (I work an autonomous job where I'm not required to speak to anyone), come home to my empty house, fall asleep, rinse and repeat. It gets very depressing sometimes. I've been struggling with really bad depression this year with the realisation that I'm getting older and going through life mostly alone without any friends. I'm only 26, but it really does seem like the older you get the harder it is to make friends as people get busier with their own lives. What also doesn't help is that many people already have friends and aren't looking for new friends.

I'm just so tired of feeling like a ghost, just drifting through life and being a spectator watching the world around me while not really partaking in it. I have almost no-one, really just my partner (long-distance and lives in another country, but I am extremely thankful to be in a relationship), my mother and my grandparents, and that's it. It's been like that pretty much my entire life. I have no idea if it will get any better. I wonder if this really is it and I will just have to accept that I was probably destined to live a very lonely life.

I don't know what to do. I've tried so hard to make new friends and it's almost impossible. I don't relate to anyone. I don't "fit in". Most people my age are extroverted and into sports and getting wasted over the weekend. I'm extremely shy and reserved and have very niche interests. Being autistic makes everything far more difficult. I'm just at a complete loss and I wish more than anything that I could have an awesome friend group I could be a part of. Going through life without friends is unbearable.

Click to expand...