I'm alone, and I'm scared for what the future holds...

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NCOhio

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Sep 3, 2024
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Ohio
This is my first post. I don’t expect anyone to read it or care, but sometimes it feels good to pretend. I’m a single dad in my early 40’s. My daughter is almost 19, and my son is almost 11. Aside from my kids and coworkers, these are the only people I have left in my life. Everyone else has disappeared. I literally have no family left, and the friends I used to have are all doing what I did 15 years ago… settling down, raising a family, being a spouse, etc. Even the neighbors I’ve had for the past 20 years have all changed. My kids are with me on weekends, and these are the moments I live for. When Sunday evening comes around though, I find myself dreading the next few days.

My childhood was kind of a mess, but I was able to make something of myself as an adult. I never had daddy’s money to save me when I needed help. I’ve done it all myself. The past 10 years has been absolute hell for me though. When I think about the person I was a decade ago, and the things I used to be capable of… it’s beyond devastating. I can vividly remember having that “gift of gab”, and being socially interesting. I can remember people actually seeking out MY attention, which feels like an impossible idea today. Honestly, I wish I could just forget all of that, because it makes me sad knowing what I used to be.

Since then, everything has fallen apart. In 2014, my relationship with my children’s mother fell apart after years of her lying and cheating on me. The relationship lasted several years, and absolutely took a major toll on my mental health. I recovered a few years later, and ended up marrying who I thought was the girl of my dreams. She was kind, she had morals, she was generous, and she was my best friend. She was also a closet alcoholic who only married me to win favor with her father. Her older sister had married years ago, and has the perfect little life… so she had always felt inferior. I didn’t realize any of this until a year after we married tho. Eventually she admitted she “bit off more than she could chew”, and left the night before Thanksgiving in 2021. No warning. No notice. She never said goodbye to the kids, and it’s the last I have seen her in person. It broke me.

Since then, weekdays are like Groundhog Day, and weekends with my kids are my refuge. They have no idea how much their presence means to me. It’s literally the only thing keeping me going. As they get older though, I know things will change. Weekends will start to look a lot like the weekdays… and I’ll no longer have that to look forward to. I’m scared, b/c I don’t want to live like that. I’m too depressed and anxious to meet anyone. I’ve tried medications, therapy, etc… but with a life as complicated as mine, I don’t have the money to afford the countless hours of therapy and medications I need to make a difference. It feels like this cake has already been baked… and it’s starting to become stale.

I was hoping that my 40’s would go the way people say it goes… “life gets better after 40”, and “you’re much more secure in yourself”, blah blah blah… but my path has been different. I don’t know what the next year, 5 years, or 10 years holds for me… but the writing is on the wall.
 
I hope things turn around for you.
Good luck.

Look at it this way, at least you have your kids.
I'll be 60 in less than 1.5 years, and I have no one at all.
I'll go into old age completely alone.
And there is no way I can be dependent on anyone for anything.
It's not in my DNA.
No nursing homes for me.
If you get my drift...
 
Welcome to the forum. I can relate a lot to what you wrote. I'm a single mother, my ex was an alcoholic (left me on Christmas night) and I was so lost I honestly did not see a way out.

I know everyone hates it when I say this, but life is what you make it. Do you NEED meds and therapy? Maybe, but there is more to it than that. I don't know all the details of your life and your struggles, but what are you doing, outside of therapy and meds, to get back to where you once where? Life isn't over yet, keep trying, find yourself, get a life, get a new hobby, join clubs, volunteer, anything to get you out of the house around people again. You have to find yourself again, so take steps to do that, even if you don't really want to or are scared to. In the end, you will thank yourself.

As for meds and therapy, I'm not sure what meds you take or what therapists you see, but if you don't have the money for it, is there any way you can find another route to get what you need? You don't need an expensive therapist to find a good one. You'd be surprised what you can find with the cheaper ones. My son actually found his perfect therapist in a church sponsored therapy group...and we aren't even that religion. With the meds, have you tried using like GoodRX (it's free) or something similar?
 
People here DO read AND care 🙂 although sometimes, for various reasons, we just don’t have a response. I wish I always did.

Your situation isn’t easy, like many on here really, but just keep going. Focus on the little enjoyable things to just get by until better opportunities present.

Wish I had more to say, but I’m just really exhausted at the moment. And welcome.
 
Your post brought me to tears. My son’s life
Parallels yours. I’ve ached for him and the tears he has shed over not being there to tuck his girls in at night and only seeing them weekends. Then there is the betrayal issues from his ex having an affair then telling him on Christmas she didn’t love him and was getting a divorce. Totally blindsided him as he had no idea there was anything wrong and he worshipped her. It’s been years now, and he’s finally doing better. He started taking his kids to church as he realized how important that is for them to know and lean into the Lord. He’s met people, found a nice ladyfriend and is doing ok. He’s laughing again and living again, even though he oldest is driving now and has s job, they facetime each other and stay in touch. Kids need and love their dads forever. When you can’t physically be with them find another way. The Amazon Echo screens work awesome to talk with and see your loved ones on.
Don’t give up and don’t fear. You kids need you and you will always be their dad ❤️
 
This is my first post. I don’t expect anyone to read it or care, but sometimes it feels good to pretend. I’m a single dad in my early 40’s. My daughter is almost 19, and my son is almost 11. Aside from my kids and coworkers, these are the only people I have left in my life. Everyone else has disappeared. I literally have no family left, and the friends I used to have are all doing what I did 15 years ago… settling down, raising a family, being a spouse, etc. Even the neighbors I’ve had for the past 20 years have all changed. My kids are with me on weekends, and these are the moments I live for. When Sunday evening comes around though, I find myself dreading the next few days.

My childhood was kind of a mess, but I was able to make something of myself as an adult. I never had daddy’s money to save me when I needed help. I’ve done it all myself. The past 10 years has been absolute hell for me though. When I think about the person I was a decade ago, and the things I used to be capable of… it’s beyond devastating. I can vividly remember having that “gift of gab”, and being socially interesting. I can remember people actually seeking out MY attention, which feels like an impossible idea today. Honestly, I wish I could just forget all of that, because it makes me sad knowing what I used to be.

Since then, everything has fallen apart. In 2014, my relationship with my children’s mother fell apart after years of her lying and cheating on me. The relationship lasted several years, and absolutely took a major toll on my mental health. I recovered a few years later, and ended up marrying who I thought was the girl of my dreams. She was kind, she had morals, she was generous, and she was my best friend. She was also a closet alcoholic who only married me to win favor with her father. Her older sister had married years ago, and has the perfect little life… so she had always felt inferior. I didn’t realize any of this until a year after we married tho. Eventually she admitted she “bit off more than she could chew”, and left the night before Thanksgiving in 2021. No warning. No notice. She never said goodbye to the kids, and it’s the last I have seen her in person. It broke me.

Since then, weekdays are like Groundhog Day, and weekends with my kids are my refuge. They have no idea how much their presence means to me. It’s literally the only thing keeping me going. As they get older though, I know things will change. Weekends will start to look a lot like the weekdays… and I’ll no longer have that to look forward to. I’m scared, b/c I don’t want to live like that. I’m too depressed and anxious to meet anyone. I’ve tried medications, therapy, etc… but with a life as complicated as mine, I don’t have the money to afford the countless hours of therapy and medications I need to make a difference. It feels like this cake has already been baked… and it’s starting to become stale.

I was hoping that my 40’s would go the way people say it goes… “life gets better after 40”, and “you’re much more secure in yourself”, blah blah blah… but my path has been different. I don’t know what the next year, 5 years, or 10 years holds for me… but the writing is on the wall.

Welcome here from another born and raised Buckeye that's since moved on to other states and eventual world travel. Your situation does sound like others here, but I'll give a different Christian perspective beyond the valid suggestions TheRealCallie makes.

We all go through life making and losing relationships, and some certainly fare better than others between family, friends, and coworkers. In the end though, many if not most of them move on, fade away, reject us, or simply die before we do. It doesn't seem prudent then to put our most valued need towards something seemingly temporary. Well, that's somewhat true but not the whole story in my view.

If our purpose in life is to love God first and love people second as the Bible teaches, then that should serve as a guide in life. Our relationship with God not only comes from making him the most important thing in our lives, but it's the only relationship that's assured to last and never fail us. When we lose family, friends, money, career, health, or anything, our relationship with God is the one and only permanent thing to keep us going. It's to be the core foundation of our life, and without it, everyone and everything else will eventually disappoint us.

If you have the Lord in your life, you know that you're never really alone. If you don't, then maybe it's time to meet your Creator and Savior. In either case, directing more time and attention to him will help you through this challenging time, and engaging with a good and proper church is an excellent way to seek new relationships in a supportive, receptive environment.
 
I hope things turn around for you.
Good luck.

Look at it this way, at least you have your kids.
I'll be 60 in less than 1.5 years, and I have no one at all.
I'll go into old age completely alone.
And there is no way I can be dependent on anyone for anything.
It's not in my DNA.
No nursing homes for me.
If you get my drift...
Hi!
I'm older than you, and it's me who always go after my grown-up kids (somewhat tedious).
Since I acknowledged several of my failures after divorce, I'm just trying my 3 kids learned I left none of them, but her mom and that relationship. If they learn it, they won what they had lost (and no hope they took care after me). I do not get enticed they got some children, since I knew I have my own place (as they got theirs). If I was 20 or 30 I will miss the company I never kept.
 

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