27 and extreme nostalgic depression for very long years

So I am 27 and saying simply I have chaotic life in some ways, I live in a chaotic environment and here I live like a kid, I became anti-social some and I am introvert. I know that I go through nostalgic depression, mostly I live "pretty normally" but when it hits me for days I become a masochist (I watch gameplays of childhood games while I know I feel more sad, I keep looking for exact things what I used to have and games ofc and similar). Idk if I have depression, it could be but the thing is that sadly I live with parents and younger sister (they treat me as a worse kid; it is complicated and I would need to make another super long essay about how does it look exactly with points so it could be easier to understand) and I mustn't be even just gently sad or have a face like for crying I guess? When mother will see my face says a lot "Stop with your depression" (I don't go to any specialist for long years and it is tabu here in general emotions, feeling bad and other things - it is a longer thing).

So environment is bad + in schools I was the fat one (still I am, I try to fight with it for myself and future - I want to have kids) and easy target, for everyone it was always obvious to avoid me, set me in troubles in some way + I am invisible a lot in net, on servers on discord in a way like I try to be active, integrate (I avoid it sometimes when I feel worse) and idk if I am boring in a worse way, if I am not that much into slang way of talking, memes, something isn't my humor but it is easy to ignore me over all. Also much things happened and I think the strongest for me are: relations in a way like I have met some guys who were my super friends, I had some LDR "bf" or guys who were promising me things.. I have varied experience with people online and the fact that always I was locked (still I am) in this family house pushes me down much more and I know never I will be in a good condition, no matter for how long I will eat perfectly, never I will have like energy for some activities, I have no energy for a simple smile (very rarely), I have no energy for feeling hopes and similar things. Also this type of people what I met (especially guys), this everything shows that pattern is the same and I am afraid never I will meet a normal person.

I know it is short, simple and chaotic, I am sorry, I suck in telling things. I wanted also throw away this for now

First off, there is nothing wrong with feeling sad or being depressed. 99.999999% of the people on this Earth feel depressed at some point in their lives. (I'd probably wager it's 100%, but we'll give one person out of 8 billion a chance). It's taboo in a lot of places and that is absolutely horrendous. Everyone needs help sometimes. Are there any online resources that you could try? In America, we have telemedicine where we can do appointments online. Or maybe even a chat room dedicated to depression or something? It's not ideal and you should definitely not have to hide getting help for yourself, but it would be a start.

Do you have a job or hobbies that can pull you away from the depression? I personally believe that the key to getting on the right path is nothing letting yourself dwell in the depression. Get out there and do things, meet new people, try new hobbies, volunteer somewhere.

The chat room here is on Discord if you'd like to give that a try. It's not super busy in there, but there's generally always someone around to talk.

TheRealCallie said:

First off, there is nothing wrong with feeling sad or being depressed. 99.999999% of the people on this Earth feel depressed at some point in their lives. (I'd probably wager it's 100%, but we'll give one person out of 8 billion a chance). It's taboo in a lot of places and that is absolutely horrendous. Everyone needs help sometimes. Are there any online resources that you could try? In America, we have telemedicine where we can do appointments online. Or maybe even a chat room dedicated to depression or something? It's not ideal and you should definitely not have to hide getting help for yourself, but it would be a start.

Do you have a job or hobbies that can pull you away from the depression? I personally believe that the key to getting on the right path is nothing letting yourself dwell in the depression. Get out there and do things, meet new people, try new hobbies, volunteer somewhere.

The chat room here is on Discord if you'd like to give that a try. It's not super busy in there, but there's generally always someone around to talk.

Click to expand...

Sure, share with me the server. It could be nice and it is always a nice excuse to meet up new people always.

I have some hobbies but I am very limited with it. I can't swim anywhere (no spot for it) or I can't go deeper into handmade things (I want open up a small business for myself), I can't do most of things because of no money and I would need to bet parents (I know them very well and their perspective about hobbies). I can listen to music sometimes I do and I play games what already I have (this isn't much). The biggest issue is that I can't be free with my hobbies so it pushes me down more too and I am more closed.

I don't work, I struggle with finding something (I have a Czech friend and she gave me some idea, maybe she will help me to find something in Czech, something simple and somehow to get in, it would take a longer while and I am afraid for some reason it could be a fail because of my environment). I have almost 2 year experience with breaks in call centers (all 3 types: selling, customer service and leads). I know that I mustn't work in work like this: I learnt how it sucks, there is no business (boss-employee) relation and I thought they are my friends more and when I was doing bad, not selling well and "I didn't try" in their scheme, I was kicked out, then always I fell betrayed so bad by them + because of mother, family (I have audio somewhere and it is heavy topic, some bigger but saying in few words: mother was whole time bullying me so hard about the work + mother with sister keep pressuring on me about these works and saying that I didn't try while this work was making me feel worse and worse, I wanted even throw away their work pc few times or throw away headset and destroy with my hands, legs).
I would love to work in background or do something simple with almost no human contact, no calls (calls paralyze me) and save cash for a course to be an optician (6 months if I remember well) + emmigration, 1st few months. I could be an optician, I know there is still some human contact but it is different, less pressure, I love manual things and I could focus on it, I could be more independend in it. I could be a badass bitch and everyone talks like that about me but "she does her work perfect, glasses from her never break, all is a great quality and she fixes things super fast, she doesn't take cash for it" + in Slovenia you earn much more in compare with poland (here salary in it is a stupid joke while cost of living is similar or even some more expensive)