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I follow my mum's advice. It works for me. If you can't sleep, sure, try for five or ten minutes. If you still can't sleep, then get out of bed. Do something. Have a glass of milk or something. Watch some awful late night infomercials. You will get sleepy. Then you can go back to bed...

DId you guys read that scary global warming thing? Yesterday, I think it was. The North Pole was warmer than Europe.

All I can say on porn is my favourite quote on the subject, from when "Fifty Shades of Grey" (apparently one of the worst books ever written) came out several years ago: "Women say they don't watch porn, but they'll sure READ the **** out of it!" I'm not trying to make any point here...

ABC Radio National. Highbrow talk. Well, it thinks it is. It slips a bit. Think BBC Radio 4 or NPR, or CBC or something. It's a little too left-leaning for my liking, but the alternative is right-wing shock jocks, which is worse, or crap music. And it's the government broadcaster, so NO...

I'll get my Australian citizenship stripped for saying this, but I've never been remotely interested in sport. The last time I was on a playing field was when I was forced to in high school, and I walked away swearing to never set foot on one again. At 47, I've kept my word. This isn't an...

Some welcome rain this evening, as I write this. Been going for a few hours, but not sure it'll last. Lowered the temperature nicely. It's been a hot, dry summer, and the dams are starting to drop in Sydney (although it's flooding in Canberra four hours' drive away - but that's Australia for...

Har! This is excellent.  It made the front page lead story here on the capital city broadsheets (admittedly very briefly).  Now, normally, you'd call that a "slow news day", but it wasn't.  There's been a lot going on here and overseas, but it's all been horrible, so I think the editors took...

I just love the VERY French look on the driver's face. That is one "**** eating grin" if ever I've seen one. "Of all ze train drivers in ze world, aaah am doink zis ****!" Good on him. :)

if you get a budgie, teach it to speak. They are not the easiest bird to teach, but when you do, they sound human. Swearing is allus good.... If you see a flock of wild birds (usually cockatoos) in Australia, you will often hear one speaking English. Funny thing, it might never have been...

Just sent me a message Kuro. I'm not English, but I am Australian, so I can talk to you properly. And swear correctly. :) OK., "send" not "sent". And you sound like a fellow nerd. PM me, so help me God. I'd rather gouge out my own eyeballs than go to a nightclub. But you want to hang...

Normally "Californian" girls asking me to say hello are on Facebook and end up wanting my credit card number. But hello crony. You're OK. Be one of us. You will be OK.

I love trains.  For my Francophone friends (hullo Richard_39), enjoy..... I love that cool, very cool Gallic expression on the driver's face. "Of all ze train drivers in ze vorld, ah am doing zis ****!"

Nope. I spent it alone. As they say, if nobody loves you on Valentine's Day, then nobody loves you the other 364 days of the year either. :) Anyway, for those like me who were alone, do take heart. The Roman Saint Valentinus did not spend Feb 14 with roses or chocolates. He was too busy...

I am my father. It's ****** up my life.

The concept of a virtual buttcheek intrigues me. I wish to subscbribe to your newsletter. Don't really want to actually see the buttcheek stuff, though.......

OK.  Im going to divide my reply to you into two parts. Firstly, step back and think about being alone.  Is it actually that bad?  After a particularly nasty break up (police involved etc) in 2005, I just decided "never again".  I was a bachelor for twelve years.  Life was actually pretty...

Welcome Cowboy. You'll like it here. For a forum dedicated to loneliness it is about the friendliest place on the internet. The Canadians are a bit odd, but we love them. No, I'm joking. They actually really piss us off. :) I kid.... Welcome from Australia. We are a global family...

Mine was a little calculated. I wanted a name that would identify me to other Australians, but would fly over the heads of others. So did not want some "g'day kangaroo mate" crap. So "The Loaded Dog" is a famous humorous short story which every Aussie knows. It's by Henry Lawson, who I am...

And I invite my dear mate Richard_39 who can do it to much greater effect in French. Shitbog arsestain dicknoggin turdlord wankmaster.