I'm not sure I can say anything that will help. Just wanted to offer a listening ear, someone to talk to if you feel like talking. I really hope you'll continue to reach out and at least allow yourself to be heard and supported.
Just replying so you know you're being heard. I'm pretty new around here and am still learning my way around, but if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to drop me a PM.
What's making you feel like your life is a nightmare? Just asking because sometimes talking it out helps (not necessarily solving the problem, but helping you to feel less isolated).