1 Hard relationship

[sarazman]

Ok, i am writing to you from the land down under the land down under,

i have been seeing this girl now for a year, we are both in love, we are so a like but we are so different, im 25, she is 32 (age isnt a problem) thing is around xmas time just been, we were talking and she told me she wanted a baby, im in a stable good paying job with oppertunity to further it, creating my own buisness blah blah, that aside, here is where my problem lies, she hasnt had the best up bringing in her life, her father use to beat her, her sister, her brother, her mother, even the cat, alot of the the things she knows, and sometimes does, are wrong, ive helped her out alot (so i think) i try my absolute hardest to show her that i love her, that i care, that im ready for a child with her, its something that i really really want more than anything in the world right now, and only with her, i got her name tattoo'd on my chest, not to show her and say hey look what i did, i did it for me, and what she means to me and how i see that my world revolves around her, yea i might be whipped, but she doesnt use that to her advantage, thing is, because of her past, the guys that she has tended to go for have been *********, beat her up, mean, cruel, all that, she now realises that what the did, was wrong, and beacuse of that, she has lost all trust in males, including me, i blame them and her dad for making her the way she is, its really crap becuase shes absolutly amazing in my eyes, i really couldnt wish for me, but its come time where she has said she wants a baby, but because of all that, she doesnt think im ready, she doesnt think i love her, she doesnt think i care, when i really do, i need to show her that i do before i loose her, its something i want yesterday, everything i have done and tried just doesnt seem to be cutting the mustard,


i know in my heart without her, i wont be myself any more, alot of people have told me to forget it and soldier on, ill be alright, but, i wont, ive never felt this way before, i know what i feel is true, but she cant see that so i need to try other ways, but i jsut dont know, i really need help, this is something that we both want, but i really need to prove myself to her,

if anyone could help, i would forever be in your debt,

 

[paulo]

dont think its you that needs to prove yourself to her, seems youve done all you can think off.
its her that needs to start trusting you.
tought one though after all he`s been through.
do think its something she has to work on and not much more you can do.
keep trying to convince her, dont give her a reason to doubt you and hope she`ll see it someday.

 

[I'm Fine]

You can't make someone trust you, all you can do is be trustworthy and hope she learns to open up. It's going to take time. One thing that may or may not be in your favour in this is time. If she wants a child she's really going to have to go for it sooner rather than later. Have you thought about introducing her to this site? If only so she can see your question (and our answers). Just a thought.

Good luck.

 

[Catcher]

I agree with the others; It's very hard to get someone to trust you when they have so many trust issues.

I drove myself crazy trying to prove to someone that I loved that I actually did love them. If you do a million gestures of love and you keep telling a person over and over how much you love them, care about them, how they are your whole world, etc, and they still don't believe it? There's nothing left you can really do.

Though, since you're ready to have a child with this woman, and you feel your life is secure enough for that, I would suggest maybe asking her to marry you. That's the ultimate gesture of love to a lot of women. Saying "I'm committed to you for the rest of our lives" may be that extra sign that she needs. But only if you're truly ready for such a huge step and you probably are since having a child is so much more a huge step than marriage.