Good evening everyone,
i luckily found this forum so i,m willing to post my issue.
I was very fat in my teens until i reached the age 18, college guys and girls laughed at me and mocked me, i also had strabismus (crossed eye) which lowered my self esteem more, then at the age 18 i turned everything around, i became very good looking and all the guys who mocked me became scared of me and the girls who mocked me wanted to be my girlfriend, then the university time came and things really didn't do well for me, i still at that time got a lot of looks and invitation from girls to approach them but i didn't make any move, i was very relegious and i believed that interacting with women was not allowed in my relegion, plus many things that i was strict when applying it in my daily life which made me more of an introverted person and socially isolated, i realized years later that applying my relegion as it is in the modern world will make one socially isolated.
when i wanted to apply my relegion as it is, my parents fought me hard and it made me very depressed, i was waiting for the time i finish my bachelor's degree and found a job and rent alone.
my parents also fought me because i was strict about following a diet and lifestyle for my entire life that was very different from what they do, i got bad comments from them when i try to cook alone or advice them and my brother wants to fight with me because he thinks i,m the one who is making the family have problems. My parents also like my brother more than me because he is like them.
i found a job 3 years ago and i was able to leave my family house after 1 year of work, it was really hard to go out alone and rent, they didn't accept it, and my mother gave me headaches in the week before i leave, they wanted to control me as always.
So life alone is really better, my parents seem to regret what they did with me, i limit seeing them to once every two weeks and i usually wish that things were better than now but i try to forgive them.
my story really gave me anhedonia, i don't feel emotions from others anymore, i got adapted to loneliness and i try to protect my health with low stress lifestyle and good diet and sleep.
I,m not as good looking as i was in my early twenties but i regret that i missed all the stares and invitation from girls, i wish i was not relegious at that time and approached them.
i really want to avoid anger, i just want to start a relationship with girls and make male friends but the anhedonia is blocking me, i have to deal with every day negativity at work and how people are so stressed when riding and in the city, not to mention that i live in the thirld world where lack of knowledge about health is very common and people don't care about junk foods, guys knock out the doors of the metro and break it and they stop the train doors from closing, fights every day and breaking all the rules in driving, bribery to save theirselves from police, lack of avaibility of basic foods, etc
i get paid very well in my stable job, i,m thinking of erasing all my past and go to another country and start a new life, to be able to love again, to feel again
I tried to join a bachata dance class last year and it didn't seem to benefit me, i like sprinting and reading about health but i didn't sprint for about 4 years, would you advise me to join a sprinting competition for example? how can i improve my social skills?
what do you think of the idea of going abroad and starting a new life?
i luckily found this forum so i,m willing to post my issue.
I was very fat in my teens until i reached the age 18, college guys and girls laughed at me and mocked me, i also had strabismus (crossed eye) which lowered my self esteem more, then at the age 18 i turned everything around, i became very good looking and all the guys who mocked me became scared of me and the girls who mocked me wanted to be my girlfriend, then the university time came and things really didn't do well for me, i still at that time got a lot of looks and invitation from girls to approach them but i didn't make any move, i was very relegious and i believed that interacting with women was not allowed in my relegion, plus many things that i was strict when applying it in my daily life which made me more of an introverted person and socially isolated, i realized years later that applying my relegion as it is in the modern world will make one socially isolated.
when i wanted to apply my relegion as it is, my parents fought me hard and it made me very depressed, i was waiting for the time i finish my bachelor's degree and found a job and rent alone.
my parents also fought me because i was strict about following a diet and lifestyle for my entire life that was very different from what they do, i got bad comments from them when i try to cook alone or advice them and my brother wants to fight with me because he thinks i,m the one who is making the family have problems. My parents also like my brother more than me because he is like them.
i found a job 3 years ago and i was able to leave my family house after 1 year of work, it was really hard to go out alone and rent, they didn't accept it, and my mother gave me headaches in the week before i leave, they wanted to control me as always.
So life alone is really better, my parents seem to regret what they did with me, i limit seeing them to once every two weeks and i usually wish that things were better than now but i try to forgive them.
my story really gave me anhedonia, i don't feel emotions from others anymore, i got adapted to loneliness and i try to protect my health with low stress lifestyle and good diet and sleep.
I,m not as good looking as i was in my early twenties but i regret that i missed all the stares and invitation from girls, i wish i was not relegious at that time and approached them.
i really want to avoid anger, i just want to start a relationship with girls and make male friends but the anhedonia is blocking me, i have to deal with every day negativity at work and how people are so stressed when riding and in the city, not to mention that i live in the thirld world where lack of knowledge about health is very common and people don't care about junk foods, guys knock out the doors of the metro and break it and they stop the train doors from closing, fights every day and breaking all the rules in driving, bribery to save theirselves from police, lack of avaibility of basic foods, etc
i get paid very well in my stable job, i,m thinking of erasing all my past and go to another country and start a new life, to be able to love again, to feel again
I tried to join a bachata dance class last year and it didn't seem to benefit me, i like sprinting and reading about health but i didn't sprint for about 4 years, would you advise me to join a sprinting competition for example? how can i improve my social skills?
what do you think of the idea of going abroad and starting a new life?