A letter from a mother with a gay son-*caution advised*

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Naleena

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This editorial is from Sunday's Concord Monitor.
Sunday, April 30, 2000
By Sharon Underwood
For the Valley News (White River Junction, VT/Hanover, NH)

As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny. My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other
boys. He was called "***" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty
that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin. The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

Sharon Underwood lives in White River Junction, Vt.
 
cheaptrickfan said:
Bravo!

I will never understand the blind hatred.
me either... but it stems from low self esteem and no self respect.
People who hate are full of hate (mainly towards themselves)
 
scott69 said:
cheaptrickfan said:
Bravo!

I will never understand the blind hatred.
me either... but it stems from low self esteem and no self respect.
People who hate are full of hate (mainly towards themselves)

I agree. Ultimately, I think that any sort of clannish behavior, which can be described as basically Us vs. Them, is a primitive reaction out of self-preservation. I can understand it if you think about human social development, but I'd like to think that we've evolved past simple social structures of the caveman era.

But then I see the partisan ******** in Congress and begin to wonder. I tell you, the hermit's life is very appealing at times.
 
That was a well written letter.

I think irrational hatred may also come from ignorance and fear. I've never seen anyone make a coherent argument in favour of one of their pet bigotries.
 
Steel said:
That was a well written letter.

I think irrational hatred may also come from ignorance and fear. I've never seen anyone make a coherent argument in favour of one of their pet bigotries.

Clannishness, ultra-nationalism, all forms of bigotry: I think they all stem from a fear of what's unknown/different and being ignorant about it. That's JMO.

I also have never heard a valid, well-reasoned argument for bigotry. Using religion or cultural tradition ("That's the way it's always been done 'round here") as defenses don't count as well-reasoned in my book. Again, JMO.
 
Human beings (especially the weak ones) will use whatever excuse they can find to step on others and put themselves up on a pedestal, whether it be sexual orientation, sex, race, religion etc.
 
She does a great job of point out some of the common misconceptions that people seem to spread.
 
Minus said:
She does a great job of point out some of the common misconceptions that people seem to spread.

I agree, Minus. And I especially liked that last part about striving to be better humans.
 
I can't use the term 'like' because it hurts too much but she did well capture an aspect of the human cost with "In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer ..."
 
Wow. Good on her for writing that. I wish that every single human being had to read that, and those who continue to hate be made to read it every single day until they finally get it, or until they die.

Of course that wouldn't happen, but I think people who are so stubborn and ignorant should really have stuff just shoved in their face over and over to remind them that not everyone thinks like them, and perhaps that maybe THEY are the minority.
 
very well written letter.

i just went down to the store this morning, upon my return i was verbally assaulted by a group of testosterone-filled idiots from a passing car. dumb strikes again.

the world is busting at the seams with bigotry, ignorance, narrow mindedness, prejudice, aggression..etc and its all very tiring. it seems that the good people of this world have to suffer the darkness of others and our only weapon is to constantly attempt to change bigotted attitudes with words and heartfelt appeals. social attitudes are PAINFULLY SLOW to change.

throughout history there have been 're-education camps' to forcibly turn people into thinking like other evil idiots, why havent we got these kind of camps today to re-educate the bigots?

too much suffering for the innocent and the good in this place.

no wonder i love Dexter, i want to be like him, travel the world neatly slicing up and disposing of evil. the older i get the more i feel like a contradiction. i am a pacifist yet i believe in 'good deaths'.. some people have simply forfeited their right to live imo.
 
Thanks for sharing that letter, Nal.

I'd be interested to know what some of the people accused in the letter had to say in response.

Ugh. People.
 
Naleena said:
This editorial is from Sunday's Concord Monitor.
Sunday, April 30, 2000
By Sharon Underwood
For the Valley News (White River Junction, VT/Hanover, NH)

As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny. My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other
boys. He was called "***" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty
that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin. The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

Sharon Underwood lives in White River Junction, Vt.

Is your son still alive.....?
 
I know i'm WAY late on this but i find i can't help but comment on this and some of the comments of other.

I find this true and to the point letter. She is one of the few people that seems to have some kind of sense or feelings. Its shocking how people can just hate others because of their differences.



Human beings (especially the weak ones) will use whatever excuse they can find to step on others and put themselves up on a pedestal, whether it be sexual orientation, sex, race, religion etc
.

This is very true also. I'm guilty of this too. Maybe its just me but i feel life is like a race, If you don't make the cut you'll be trumpled by feet. I feel like i have to push myself to hold a position for myself in the world. I know this is quiet wrong and that it will end up hurting others but i find myself doing it anyways. I'm not perfect,i wouldn't even try to claim to be,but if people just TRIED to understand others i'm sure the world would be better off.
 
Hahaha new ppl always resurrect the oldest threads. XD

Welcome to the site, Shy_girl12. :p

----Steve
 
Shy_girl12 said:
I know i'm WAY late on this but i find i can't help but comment on this and some of the comments of other.

I find this true and to the point letter. She is one of the few people that seems to have some kind of sense or feelings. Its shocking how people can just hate others because of their differences.



Human beings (especially the weak ones) will use whatever excuse they can find to step on others and put themselves up on a pedestal, whether it be sexual orientation, sex, race, religion etc
.

This is very true also. I'm guilty of this too. Maybe its just me but i feel life is like a race, If you don't make the cut you'll be trumpled by feet. I feel like i have to push myself to hold a position for myself in the world. I know this is quiet wrong and that it will end up hurting others but i find myself doing it anyways. I'm not perfect,i wouldn't even try to claim to be,but if people just TRIED to understand others i'm sure the world would be better off.

Do you think you could try to make your font darker? I'm having trouble reading what you're saying for some reason...
 
Yep, sounds like New England to me. I can't wait to finally get out and STAY out of this place.
I graduated high school here, graduated college here. My family are third and fourth generation Nutmegs and Bay Statahs. Almost all of them have moved south and west in the last ten years, as well as about three quarters of the kids I hung out with in high school. We're only still here because my grandfather's too old for a move, and needs help.
I hate the pissy, cold gray climate six months out of the year, the arguably-rape cost of living, and the fact that there's really nothing to do between said cost of living and climate. If the Red Sox tour bus were to crash, I think we would lose about two thirds of the population to suicide, and the rest would require heavy lithium therapy until Patriots season starts.
But the people aggravate this times 1000. Rude, ignorant as hell townies. Plenty have never even been as far west as New York State. They hate themselves because they live in such a ****** area, and they take it out on themselves, each other, and ESPECIALLY unfamiliar people. Rude comments, backstabbing behavior and pissiness towards their fellow ******** briefly takes their mind off their boring, empty lives. Heavy drug - especially oxycontin - use usually starts in middle school. Kids start drama on the playground, and it snowballs to the point where entire families are going at it over something like a missing pack of cigarettes.
I don't have any friends here at home, I've got some work acquaintances I see once every few weeks. I don't even know their names, most of them. My mom lived here most of her life and is still dealing with high school drama from the late 1960s with former friends she's grown to hate. Everybody is in everybody else's business. It SUCKS!
I guess this was more of a vent/warning about New England than a reply to the letter. Oh well.
 

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