A Simple Night Out

[TheSolitaryMan]

So I've got myself in a bit of a situation.

I was chatting with someone I know a few days ago when he mentioned his new study scheme.

"It's a bit sad", he explained "But I haven't been out for a week. It's worth it though."

At the time I smiled and nodded, but inside I was thinking "Yeah, I haven't been "out" ever. Is that sad too?"

Unfortunately, people are sort of expecting me to be more social now. At the end of my last year at college they were sort of mentioning how I should come over and be more talkative in sly terms, now I keep getting invited to nights out.

I guess I should be happy?

Well, I sort of am. It's nice to at least feel like people know I exist. But at the same time...they're all going on a huge night out soon, involving clubbing, drinking, all that stuff. It sounds like most of them will be explicitly aiming for drunkenness.

Thing is, I don't drink much at all and I've never been clubbing. All I know is that clubs have bouncers and loud music, and presumably I'll get turned away at the door >_<

I'm getting quite a lot of pressure to go along, but I really don't know what to expect. It's like just being thrown straight into the deep end.

Hell, I haven't even taken a bus on my own before. Now I'm expected to go round 4+ freaking clubs while trying to keep myself sober and get home again in one piece on streets I don't know.

Am I too worried about this sort of thing? I'm not sure I can back out now, but I feel like I have no idea what is going to happen at all, and I'm not sure I like that

 

[IgnoredOne]

I don't like drinking at all, myself.

 

[RJLJD]

do they know where they are going to go ahead of time (probably not, but worth a try)? if so, you could mapquest it and try to figure it out on your own how to get their and back.
if you don't want to drink too much then don't. i think the pressure should be off of you, everyone will just be there to have a good time, not to pressure you into something you don't want to do. and if things get to crazy or reckless, feel free to skate out early. they'll probably be caught up in what they are doing and not notice right away, which you shouldn't take personally either. and if they ask why you left early the next day or something, say you enjoyed yourself but were tired and didn't feel like staying out longer. no big deal. just go with the flow otherwise and don't put too much pressure on yourself. try to have fun, but be smart.
and if there's someone in the group that you feel especially comfortable with, i think maybe you should confide your apprehensions in him or her. there are certain people in this world that will understand for sure and try to reassure you and keep you comfortable.
good luck.

 

[Vagrant Legacy]

Actually, yeah, you just may be a bit too worried about all that Going out and clubbing are (generally) not lethal, and if you don't like it, you'll find out soon enough What's more, though, is that the worst thing that could happen is that you could get bored. And don't worry about the drinking either - If you don't like to drink, then simply don't drink. It's that easy, and the people around you will simply have to accept that. If they don't, they're simpleminded ********.
All in all it's a really simple concept, just go, and you'll see how it ends up. Heck, for all you know it could be a whole lot of fun. And even if you don't like it, then at least you've tried, and experienced it

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You think too much. You dont have to drink to go clubing.
Even if i did drink...I might have one or two the entire night.
The rest of the time I'm drinking water or soda.

Yes..there was a piont in my life when I get totally **** face, roudie and didnt give a ****.
Anything gose....
Yes, not too healthy but I had lots of crazy wild times with crazy N wild women too.

Sometimes it's better to go in your own ride. If you have your own ride.
Becuase you'll be in more control of where you wanna go or the situation deem
too much for you, You can always leave. You must give yourself a way out of a situation.
Thats why I dont get totally **** face.

I dont know where you live. Sometime there's bars everywhere on a strip.
So people just go from bar to bars...cuase it's not always happening all
the time.

As crazy partiers. Sometimes we dont even hit the clubs until 11pm or after
midnight...The same bar that was borning at 9 pm will be jam pack with people
after midnight.

I guess it's like everything else in life. You make a mountain out of a mole hill
if you havnt had the experinced. And just like everything else the bar scene or
lifestyle takes time and persistence.
You know you have it down pack when the bar tender mix your drink before
you even ask for it.lmao

Do take extra cash...Like a $100 incase of emergency...if your not going your
own ride. When people get drunk or wasted...anything gose.

Your friend might be your friend. But the nature of the beast is..
HOES before BROS.

I've been ditch plenty of times by friends because they leave with the ladies...visa versa.
But that's why you get your own bad ass ride...Not all women are going to come after you
becuase of your car...it's just makes every more convient.
If you get too drunk call a cab or get a babe to take you home with her.

 

[Sprint]

So I've got myself in a bit of a situation.

I was chatting with someone I know a few days ago when he mentioned his new study scheme.

"It's a bit sad", he explained "But I haven't been out for a week. It's worth it though."

At the time I smiled and nodded, but inside I was thinking "Yeah, I haven't been "out" ever. Is that sad too?"

Unfortunately, people are sort of expecting me to be more social now. At the end of my last year at college they were sort of mentioning how I should come over and be more talkative in sly terms, now I keep getting invited to nights out.

I guess I should be happy?

Well, I sort of am. It's nice to at least feel like people know I exist. But at the same time...they're all going on a huge night out soon, involving clubbing, drinking, all that stuff. It sounds like most of them will be explicitly aiming for drunkenness.

Thing is, I don't drink much at all and I've never been clubbing. All I know is that clubs have bouncers and loud music, and presumably I'll get turned away at the door >_<

I'm getting quite a lot of pressure to go along, but I really don't know what to expect. It's like just being thrown straight into the deep end.

Hell, I haven't even taken a bus on my own before. Now I'm expected to go round 4+ freaking clubs while trying to keep myself sober and get home again in one piece on streets I don't know.

Am I too worried about this sort of thing? I'm not sure I can back out now, but I feel like I have no idea what is going to happen at all, and I'm not sure I like that

I'm with IgnoredOne on this. You don't even drink. What are you doing man??? Take a moment to think.

Remember also.. misery loves company.

After reading your post, it seems like you want to be more social.. but you just don't want all of this.

Who would blame you? Drinking... clubbing.. it's all a dead end that will make you more miserable in the end.

It's never too late to "back out" until you've gone. There is no law out there that says just because you've been socially isolated you have to take the first lump of #*&$ someone offers you. You can be more selective.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dude..i never had any problems partying or clubbing.
My problems came after I get into a relationship...When my women
wants me to mellow the **** out. Be a home body cuase I'm a catch.lol
In other words being less socailable with OTHER WOMEN.

There's a saying..."you dont wanna meet your wife in a bar"
WTF dudes the ladies thinks like this too..
"you dont wanna meet your husband in a bar"

Here's the deal...you gatta have a woman first before you have problems with the other women.lol

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Seems like the girl I like might be there. Urgh. I'm not sure what to do.

I know the guy who organised it too, I don't want to let him down by not showing up.

I think I will go along for the pre-drinks then leave. I wouldn't mind if they were just going to one club, but 5+ is just ridiculous seeing as I have no experience at all of that sort of thing.

Sprint, you're right that I don't like drinking. However, it's more the opportunities to socialise with people than the alcohol, which I will avoid.

I love the idea of being able to just dance with that girl, but that won't happen if I avoid the clubs I guess. Pretty much my only motivation for going :\

I just feel like I always let down everyone else. Frankly my social life is non-existent outside studying, that seems wrong. But I just can't stand the whole binge drinking culture.

Pretty much a catch 22 situation!

LC, yeah, you're right that I need to try it. I agree. But I'd rather dip my toes in rather than get hauled round six thousand clubs on my first time, y'know?

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

Everything that you're afraid of is all in your head. You're holding yourself back. I used to go to bars and clubs BY MYSELF, and I'm a girl. I just wanted to be out and around people instead of sulking alone in my apartment, even if I didn't drink or talk to anyone. You really should go, and hold out for as long as you can. PUSH YOUR LIMITS A LITTLE. You wont know what's out there unless you try. At least go to the first club, have a drink or two, and dance with the girl you like. If you absolutely CAN'T (as in physically incapable) go any further because you'll either puke, **** your pants or hemorrhage, then FINE, go home. But really, live a little. If you never try, you wont know what you may or may not be missing.

Edit: and dude, if they can do it drunk, then it should be a piece of cake to do sober. I mean, come on, really?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Everything that you're afraid of is all in your head. You're holding yourself back. I used to go to bars and clubs BY MYSELF, and I'm a girl. I just wanted to be out and around people instead of sulking alone in my apartment, even if I didn't drink or talk to anyone. You really should go, and hold out for as long as you can. PUSH YOUR LIMITS A LITTLE. You wont know what's out there unless you try. At least go to the first club, have a drink or two, and dance with the girl you like. If you absolutely CAN'T (as in physically incapable) go any further because you'll either puke, **** your pants or hemorrhage, then FINE, go home. But really, live a little. If you never try, you wont know what you may or may not be missing.

Edit: and dude, if they can do it drunk, then it should be a piece of cake to do sober. I mean, come on, really?

I'm just going to come out and say it I suppose. I feel so...pathetic. Different to everyone else, and pathetic.

I'm living at home with my parents, so I've largely missed out on the whole "becoming independant" part of life, even though I've saved lots of money on accomodation fees.

I don't really know many people at my college and while I can drive, said parents don't want me to do so until they're happy that I'm a ridiculously awesome driver. I even took an extra post-test course, but they still want me to "prove" I'm good.

The result is I have no real transport, no one who will reliably help me out if I get wrecked, nowhere to take any girlfriend I might have in the future and no place purely of my own.

I don't know, I feel like a kid in an adult world I guess. I've never been free to do whatever I want socially, I've never felt able to just hit on girls or make friends at will.

Something like this would be a quantum leap for me. I just don't know if I can do it.

I want to "live a little", but it's like I just can't, at least not without getting into a bust up with my family, which I don't want to do.

It's gonna be another 4 or so years until I can actually do this stuff, after I get out of college. Where does the time go?

I'm sorry for wasting peoples' time, I'm pretty much a quitter with anything social and I guess I'll go try and worm my way out so I can sit on my own tonight like a loser

 

[putter65]

Everything that you're afraid of is all in your head. You're holding yourself back. I used to go to bars and clubs BY MYSELF, and I'm a girl. I just wanted to be out and around people instead of sulking alone in my apartment, even if I didn't drink or talk to anyone. You really should go, and hold out for as long as you can. PUSH YOUR LIMITS A LITTLE. You wont know what's out there unless you try. At least go to the first club, have a drink or two, and dance with the girl you like. If you absolutely CAN'T (as in physically incapable) go any further because you'll either puke, **** your pants or hemorrhage, then FINE, go home. But really, live a little. If you never try, you wont know what you may or may not be missing.

Edit: and dude, if they can do it drunk, then it should be a piece of cake to do sober. I mean, come on, really?

I'm just going to come out and say it I suppose. I feel so...pathetic. Different to everyone else, and pathetic.

I'm living at home with my parents, so I've largely missed out on the whole "becoming independant" part of life, even though I've saved lots of money on accomodation fees.

I don't really know many people at my college and while I can drive, said parents don't want me to do so until they're happy that I'm a ridiculously awesome driver. I even took an extra post-test course, but they still want me to "prove" I'm good.

The result is I have no real transport, no one who will reliably help me out if I get wrecked, nowhere to take any girlfriend I might have in the future and no place purely of my own.

I don't know, I feel like a kid in an adult world I guess. I've never been free to do whatever I want socially, I've never felt able to just hit on girls or make friends at will.

Something like this would be a quantum leap for me. I just don't know if I can do it.

I want to "live a little", but it's like I just can't, at least not without getting into a bust up with my family, which I don't want to do.

It's gonna be another 4 or so years until I can actually do this stuff, after I get out of college. Where does the time go?

I'm sorry for wasting peoples' time, I'm pretty much a quitter with anything social and I guess I'll go try and worm my way out so I can sit on my own tonight like a loser

Don't be so hard on yourself. If you don't fancy going then there is nothing wrong with your decision.

I've been in your situation loads of times. I get asked places, usually night clubs or drinking sessions. I find the person who does the asking, well you often never see them on the night out or they completely ignore you. That's happened quite alot. Women nag me into going on works nights outs and when I go they don't even speak to me or say 'hello' or anything.

And if there is a woman who you like going then most probably she will either ignore you or get with some bloke which will leave you feeling pissed off. That's happened so many times. Even at xmas last year, the works nights out, this woman I liked, the married boss was sending her secret text messages all night and they would slope off together. Everybody was whispering about it. And then he sat next to her, started chatting her up and he was getting closer and closer with his arm around her. That was no fun, I can tell you. I made my excuses and left.

And the final point is people don't like it when you don't drink. You get hassle. Nowadays I tend to drink a couple of beers. I drink real slow and when everybody is pissed, they don't notice when I go onto water or coke.

Try to socialize doing something you like and that is more suitable.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

Everything that you're afraid of is all in your head. You're holding yourself back. I used to go to bars and clubs BY MYSELF, and I'm a girl. I just wanted to be out and around people instead of sulking alone in my apartment, even if I didn't drink or talk to anyone. You really should go, and hold out for as long as you can. PUSH YOUR LIMITS A LITTLE. You wont know what's out there unless you try. At least go to the first club, have a drink or two, and dance with the girl you like. If you absolutely CAN'T (as in physically incapable) go any further because you'll either puke, **** your pants or hemorrhage, then FINE, go home. But really, live a little. If you never try, you wont know what you may or may not be missing.

Edit: and dude, if they can do it drunk, then it should be a piece of cake to do sober. I mean, come on, really?

I'm just going to come out and say it I suppose. I feel so...pathetic. Different to everyone else, and pathetic.

I'm living at home with my parents, so I've largely missed out on the whole "becoming independant" part of life, even though I've saved lots of money on accomodation fees.

I don't really know many people at my college and while I can drive, said parents don't want me to do so until they're happy that I'm a ridiculously awesome driver. I even took an extra post-test course, but they still want me to "prove" I'm good.

The result is I have no real transport, no one who will reliably help me out if I get wrecked, nowhere to take any girlfriend I might have in the future and no place purely of my own.

I don't know, I feel like a kid in an adult world I guess. I've never been free to do whatever I want socially, I've never felt able to just hit on girls or make friends at will.

Something like this would be a quantum leap for me. I just don't know if I can do it.

I want to "live a little", but it's like I just can't, at least not without getting into a bust up with my family, which I don't want to do.

It's gonna be another 4 or so years until I can actually do this stuff, after I get out of college. Where does the time go?

I'm sorry for wasting peoples' time, I'm pretty much a quitter with anything social and I guess I'll go try and worm my way out so I can sit on my own tonight like a loser

But see, that's exactly it. So there are many hurdles in the way, but you do it anyway. Yeah, you get into an argument with your parents, WHATEVER. They'll still love you anyway, no matter what you do. Maybe you do something really crazy and get grounded, but I bet it will be worth it. I didn't have fun when I was letting things hold me back. I didn't have fun when I was following the rules. I didn't have fun when I wasn't exploring and expanding my boundaries. I didn't have fun when I wasn't experiencing new things! If you wanna be a quitter, fine, then don't ask for help. Hell, don't have problems, because you've made your choice.
But if you want to be happy, and I am sensing that you do, otherwise you wouldn't be here or even make a thread, you've got to break out of your bad habits. Stop holding yourself back and bust out of those chains. But, it will take time. You're not the Hulk, you can't simply rip all that **** off like paper rings. You gotta chip them, crack them, one by one and work your way there. Maybe you wont be able to go out this one time (which I do not suggest) but fine. If you wanna be happy, you've got to DO things! Sitting around the house, going to school, doing homework, and griping on the internet isn't going to cut it.

Go forth, be awesome, and experience life! Good luck!

 

[Equinox]

I'm with the Muff on this. Try to relax, hang with your friends (who's actually putting some pressure on you to come with them - how awesome is that?!), have a drink or don't have a drink - it really doesn't matter. What matters is to push your boundaries, try new things, and especially things that frightens you. The things I regret the most in my life, are the things I didn't do. It's a cliché, but there's a reason for that.

I realize this advice might come a little late (the outing was a couple of days ago?), but hopefully the chance will come again later, and hopefully you'll be able to take that step then. If you want practice first, visit Oslo for a weekend, and I'll show you the basic how-to's. Or I can give a shout next time I visit London (to which I already know you're capable of traveling) and go out with my friend; the more, the merrier.

 

[Ak5]

Go out and do it. Period!

 

[Thrasymachus]

Personally, I wouldn't go. Venues like the nightclub, bars, and unsavory activities like drinking tend to produce and also attract a certain of type of people. They tend to be flaky, hedonistic, self-centered, superficial, unthoughtful, etc. They are all about trying to have what they perceive as fun. But if you are down and out, even if you go to the club with them every week, they will likely be out having fun, because helping people, sticking by others, is not in their character, it is not a good time. I know many of these types. For example, though I don't even know the people who you associate with, I wish anyone would bet $20 against me that one of the males in the party would make some crude reference to a current, past, future sexual conquest or that someone else in the party should make one with another club-goer. To me that thinking is peculiar, and I don't like such people who turn what should be a private domain, into a venue for chest beating.

That type of people while they may know alot of people in life, compared to someone like me, they don't have anything meaningful thereby, either. Hanging with them would be a quick avenue to a quantity of friends, but spending time considerable time with them paradoxically separates you from ever finding a quality of friends. But I cannot tell what you to do, only what I would do in the same situation.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Thrasymachus makes some good points. I would never consider clubbing, unless it was in the entertainment district on Coruscant. It's not my thing.

The choice is yours. Just be safe and make sure the person who will be driving you home will be sober.

 

[Equinox]

What Thrasymachus says CAN be true. There are indeed a lot of people like that who goes clubbing; people who couldn't care less about anyone but themselves. However, not everyone are like that, and you'll find out soon enough if your friends belong in that group of people.

Besides, keep in mind that most people don't go out clubbing to have thoughtful, deep conversations or whatever. The point of going out is, like you say, to have some flaky, hedonistic fun, and there's nothing wrong with that. This one time, when I was out with a few friends, I suddenly found myself dancing with some random guy at the club. It was fun, my self esteem got a boost, I never saw him again, and that was okay.

There are people who can't stand a quiet evening at home, and there are people who can't stand going out. Most people, I think, like to mix it up a little, and do a little of this, a little of that (usually a little more of one, a little less of the other). Though I prefer my quiet evenings at home most of the time, I do get this urge to go out dancing every now and then, and when I do, I usually end up having a lot of fun. 12 years ago, I never saw myself as a "party person", because I hadn't really tried it. Now I regret the fun I missed out on as a young person.

I believe you should try everything once (except the obvious stupid stuff, like drugs).

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

Thrasymachus is being a trite dramatic.

While I would also step out on this one I'd suggest you set the venue for the next gathering.

Propose a local pub (UK right?) that's a bit less modern but with a more friendly/intimate atmosphere.

I've been going to one bar in particular on and off for about two years now. I normally go with my father or close friend who are both overly social, it's my sort of trial by fire approach to being anti-social or anxious about being social. We also play pool there (which I'm somewhat good at), and my friend goes and dances with girls (country bar). I actually don't mind just sitting there and nursing a beer while he goofs off, it's entertaining. If you go earlier in the day or week it'll be less busy and a lot easier to actually socialize. If you want to build a relationship with someone this could be a suitable compromise to a non-dull first impression type thing.

As for a DD it's easier to not drink in a calmer atmosphere where you're busy talking, shooting darts, playing pool, et cetera.

You're smart.
Adapt and Overcome
...and maybe get a little
Don't quit on yourself.
Don't give up hope.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things...and no good thing ever dies."

 

[maybelazy]

hey man, I don't drink myself and I remember having the same fears as yourself. Bottom line is that you will only ever enjoy yourself when you feel comfortable in the environment, so it's not going to come straight away, but it will come.

I know you are worried about what your friends think of you, and I was too, but really its probably that they enjoy your company, and would like you to be able to share it with them.

You will find that the early part of the night is the quietest, where people are only starting to drink. It's fairly easy to chat to people then.

A LOT of people hate clubbing, so some people even leave before the group goes to a nightclub. If you are honest with people, and tell them that you don't really want to go to the club, they will understand and respect that, and not take it personally. If they can't do that, then they are not really your friends.

It'll be a new environment for you so its natural to be a bit apprehensive. I hope it goes well for you, and I hope the girl you like finds her way to you.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I didn't go to the social event mentioned in the OP in the end, I was really tired and felt ill unfortunately.

Went to a party, however. It was interesting. A mix of me feeling like the most lonely person ever (such as when I sat on my own and zoned out a bit into my own thoughts, surrounded by people I didn't know) and really having fun!

Some of the other guys made an effort to talk to me more, so that was nice.

I also looked after someone who got hideously drunk, so that made me feel altruistic

When I left I said goodbye to everyone and I was surprised at how strongly they responded actually, seeing how quiet I was most of the evening. Perhaps it was the alcohol? Got hugged a few times, plus a surprisingly sweet hug from one girl in particular who seemed really happy I went.

Also had a rather tipsy girl apparently try to kiss my cheek. I think she missed in the end and there was a strange cheek-rubbing moment. She was wearing a very flimsy top and I was worried her feminine features would deposit themselves on me if I wasn't careful, so I quickly relocated to another room

The girl I sort of have a bit of romantic interest in was there too. She greeted me with a smile at the start of the night, but after that she was talking with her female friends about 90% of the time. At one point a spot on a sofa next to her was free, but I stupidly waited, panicking in my head, until some other guy sat there.

I did talk to her briefly though and I made a point of saying bye. One of her friends seemed really quite smiley with me, I don't know what that was all about.

Weirdest thing was, out of all the girls who I knew who hugged me that evening (that is, all of them!) she was the only one who didn't. We just smiled a bit and did a slightly awkward "hand gesture" thing instead of the hug.

She was looking over casually a couple of times, but seeing as she didn't go out of her way to approach me after the greeting either, I think perhaps I should assume that she's probably not that interested in me, which is sad...but hey, I'm used to being the lonely guy by now!

TLDR: I did have some fun at a seperate event