A Simple Night Out

[Lonesome Crow]

No....you're parents anrt always going to love you no matter what...at least mine dosnt.

So...you might as will do whatever the **** you wanna do...even if you **** up or do the wrong
things...in the process of your many **** ups you'll make corrections on the way.
Becuase Bicthes and Hoes are always going to have oppinions of what is right and wrong...
And most of the fucken time pople arnt going to like what you wanna do.
The thing about it is...those damn ******* and hoes arnt doing a fucken things with thier god damn lives either.
LOVE YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT.

 

[guld]

I didn't go to the social event mentioned in the OP in the end, I was really tired and felt ill unfortunately.

Went to a party, however. It was interesting. A mix of me feeling like the most lonely person ever (such as when I sat on my own and zoned out a bit into my own thoughts, surrounded by people I didn't know) and really having fun!

Some of the other guys made an effort to talk to me more, so that was nice.

I also looked after someone who got hideously drunk, so that made me feel altruistic

When I left I said goodbye to everyone and I was surprised at how strongly they responded actually, seeing how quiet I was most of the evening. Perhaps it was the alcohol? Got hugged a few times, plus a surprisingly sweet hug from one girl in particular who seemed really happy I went.

Also had a rather tipsy girl apparently try to kiss my cheek. I think she missed in the end and there was a strange cheek-rubbing moment. She was wearing a very flimsy top and I was worried her feminine features would deposit themselves on me if I wasn't careful, so I quickly relocated to another room

The girl I sort of have a bit of romantic interest in was there too. She greeted me with a smile at the start of the night, but after that she was talking with her female friends about 90% of the time. At one point a spot on a sofa next to her was free, but I stupidly waited, panicking in my head, until some other guy sat there.

I did talk to her briefly though and I made a point of saying bye. One of her friends seemed really quite smiley with me, I don't know what that was all about.

Weirdest thing was, out of all the girls who I knew who hugged me that evening (that is, all of them!) she was the only one who didn't. We just smiled a bit and did a slightly awkward "hand gesture" thing instead of the hug.

She was looking over casually a couple of times, but seeing as she didn't go out of her way to approach me after the greeting either, I think perhaps I should assume that she's probably not that interested in me, which is sad...but hey, I'm used to being the lonely guy by now!

TLDR: I did have some fun at a seperate event

How nice to hear you had a nice experience, and a nice Saturday (?) night out, in the end!

Isn't it an option to suggest something else than clubbing, if you're not up to it? Like billiards, perhaps, or going bowling, or something like that. You'd still be "out", but in a bit more relaxed atmosphere. And billiards and bowling are both really fun, too Plus, you wouldn't have to feel as though you're constantly turning down those who try to make you part of the company. After all, a lot of people seem interested in having you in their company. You didn't have only one fun thing to do on Saturday night, but two - I'm a bit jealous

Some thoughts about the girl; I think a key to having success with all this, being with people and feeling comfortable, is to not overthink. I know it comes as a reflex to just think and think and think about how something went, what someone might have thought, what someone might be thinking, how something might be interpreted, and so on, when you're that kind person that have some type of trouble being with people. But I'd seriously like to scream "nooo, dooon't - it's a trap!", sort of, to myself and all other's who do it, whenever I start to ponder on all of those details in an encounter with someone else, and what they might mean, and so on, and so on. I've come to understand they usually don't mean anything, at all. People all have their own lives, their own thoughts, their own problems, and so on, and I'd say most of them simply don't put any big time into thinking about other people.

Which is not to say that they don't care, or are interested in you! It's just that people live too much in their own lives to thinking about details like that. So I've made it a ground rule for myself - just don't think about the details . I don't always manage to live by it, of course, but once it works, it helps being a bit more relaxed.

Plus, thinking about all those small things, and trying to find a direction out of them, just takes you away from the big picture - as in knowing a girl that's probably interested in you, and who you are interested in too. You don't have to think you've got to have it all sorted (like waiting until you have absolutely nothing that couldn't be interpreted as a sign of not going for it - because there'll never be a situation like that). Look at it like this - if you guys didn't hug, and you wonder why she didn't initate it... there's a big chance she's thinking the exact same thing. If you feel like there's a good atmosphere between you - go for it, and don't put too much thought into those small things, if they make you feel insecure about yourself/the situation.

(All easy to say when you're the advice-giving side of it . All of that above mentioned is the things that I've been working on, a lot. Just hope you'll find the guts to it - I'm sure it'll be a success, once you're out there.)

Edit: I'll add a much needed TLDR here: Don't dwell on the details - look at the big picture, be confident

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

How nice to hear you had a nice experience, and a nice Saturday (?) night out, in the end!

...

Look at it like this - if you guys didn't hug, and you wonder why she didn't initate it... there's a big chance she's thinking the exact same thing. If you feel like there's a good atmosphere between you - go for it, and don't put too much thought into those small things, if they make you feel insecure about yourself/the situation.

...

Edit: I'll add a much needed TLDR here: Don't dwell on the details - look at the big picture, be confident

Thanks for such a detailed response, Guld

Unfortunately, I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that maybe I have "the big picture" all wrong, that's what's taking the sledgehammer to my confidence I think.

I've known her 4 months now and she's never even said my name in conversation to me, y'know? I think the ratio of me initiating chat with her/her to me is about 10:1.

When talking to her, I got a "good vibe" in that she was smiling at me (as she always does), but the idea of hugging weirdly just felt inappropriate, whereas it didn't with the other girls.

So my gut is now telling me something like "She maybe liked you, but it's over."

It's odd, because occasionally she looks at me in a way that seems very focused, or she'll sort of seem to be listening or looking when I'm talking to someone, but at the same time it just feels like she never just comes over and talks to me and it's all cloak-and-dagger still.

I'm sort of feeling like a creep now, because I'm having to always do the initial action.

If she can't make the effort to interact with me on her own, it would make logical sense that she's not that keen on me. Sad but true

 

[RJLJD]

i could be in the wrong on this one, but if that's how you're feeling, maybe you should come out with it and say you like her. you have to know once and for all. or just be blunt about something. you could be entirely right and that she has cooled off towards you (the opposite of warming up, is what i'm getting at), or it could be that she's waiting for you to "be a man" and make your statement. at this point though, if she is cooling off and your chances are therefore slim, what do you have to lose? she'll either say she doesn't like you like that, or that she was waiting for you to say something.

the only thing that could stop you that i can see from this is that you could screw up a good thing you got going with making some friends. if your plan backfires, you could alienate yourself from her group, and i do recognize you seem to have a good thing going here in the grand scheme of things even if this one girl you had your heart set on isn't working out right now.

comes down to what you value, i suppose.

 

[Thrasymachus]

That is not how sociable people do it in real life. Most often they seem to just to let third party people, except the targeted girl of interest, know that they like her. Especially if you do this amongst her friends, it will get back to her. If she responded positively to the information, eventually these third parties will tell you, after which you can proceed.

This is why shy people have trouble finding people. Personally I don't talk like that amongst others ever, especially since I don't feel connections to other people or have this concept of a crush.