a synopsis of modern dating life

[mgill]

i am not sure if posting links are allowed here or not so i'll just post the title and those interested can search for it on youtube:

"Girls Are ********: At a Bar"

this 7 year old, very short 1:23 video which was likely considered as satire at the time it was made has now become an all too accurate reflection of reality for the vast majority of men in the western world.

 

[Abstamyous]

Well, that's just a sad video.

I'm not saying date everyone who approaches you. Definitely don't take drinks from everyone who offers.... But the first guy ..he's not a creep because he finds you beautiful and expresses it. He's not a creep for putting himself out there to see if he has a chance.

The other guy is totally punch worthy, though. All satire aside, I've dealt with enough of those and my feelings have remained the same.

 

[mgill]

Well, that's just a sad video.

I'm not saying date everyone who approaches you. Definitely don't take drinks from everyone who offers.... But the first guy ..he's not a creep because he finds you beautiful and expresses it. He's not a creep for putting himself out there to see if he has a chance.

The other guy is totally punch worthy, though. All satire aside, I've dealt with enough of those and my feelings have remained the same.

thanks for your thoughts and i agree that it is very sad.  i think the point was that the first guy is considered a creep merely because he is only average looking.  the second guy was very desirable to them despite his stalker comments because he is tall & facially above average.  for those who are doubtful of this reality there are countless tinder experiements proving that this is actually the case.

for example, people have posted photo's of male models who have horrible things in their profile (child abusers, violent felons, nazi's, misogynistic) yet they recevie countless messages from very attractive women begging to hook up with them.  they even badly insult the women & make extremely racist comments yet every time they get the girls phone number.  there have even been cases of a man making 2 exact same profiles aside from his height.  the profile where he is 5'10 gets many replies while the one which is 5'6 gets zero.  at only a pathetic 5'6 myself this really hits home and has also been my experience both on & offline.

 

[Finished]

Ha! ha! LOL! That video was really funny thanks! I was expecting something much worse.

OP's Linked Video:
[youtube]hbeEuYAZFL4[/youtube]

I was the first guy about 25 years ago many times. Several times I got responses like, "Why are YOU talking to ME?" Sometimes I was down right ignored. I usually continued on with a conversation to myself. Very few times did any women politely tell me no thanks. I would have been happy to receive at least a smile like the first guy did. I tried many different approaches. But, I never was able to start a conversation with any of the women.

I think the funny presentations of rejections are better nowadays though. We just used animated stick figures. Ha! ha!

 

[mgill]

Ha! ha! LOL! That video was really funny thanks! I was expecting something much worse.

OP's Linked Video:
[youtube]hbeEuYAZFL4[/youtube]

I was the first guy about 25 years ago many times. Several times I got responses like, "Why are YOU talking to ME?" Sometimes I was down right ignored. I usually continued on with a conversation to myself. Very few times did any women politely tell me no thanks. I would have been happy to receive at least a smile like the first guy did. I tried many different approaches. But, I never was able to start a conversation with any of the women.

I think the funny presentations of rejections are better nowadays though. We just used animated stick figures. Ha! ha!

thanks for posting the actual link.  one has to be very careful these days as it is so easy to get banned-even by posting innocent and relevent links.

i'm glad you found it so funny too.  it would be far more amusing to me if i were not in the same situation as the first guy but it sounds like you also had personal experience with this yourself. only those of us with years & decades of total failure & rejection would be able to relate to this. due to OLD & social media things are far harsher for average & below average men than 25 years ago or even 7 years ago.  i assume by your comments that you have either found someone or have made peace with being alone.  i hope to achieve one of these states myself some day (not much hope for the first scenario however).

 

[Finished]

^ I have found peace alone. At first it was quite difficult. I felt anger and frustration. I wanted to blame women for my lack of success. Then I realized it wasn't their fault. Then I put all the blame directly on myself. Then my self-esteem dropped like a rock. Then I felt sorry for myself. Then I said F it all! Then I just accepted things as they are. Now I really appreciate the advantages to being alone.

But, I do feel bad for the young not so attractive people trying to find someone. There are many young men and women that are hurting. I do think it's more difficult now-a-days because there are so many more options for more attractive people to find each other. So, there's less settling for what's around them like there used to be. Then the unattractive people get tired of rejection and give up.

 

[iseestars]

Oh... Seeing that video now I understand... I understand where you're coming from. : D Too bad the definition of woman and the definition of man got so distorted over time. No wonder everything is so messed up in the world these days.. : D

 

[TheSkaFish]

The video is satire, so with that in mind I think it's a caricature of real life, and shouldn't actually discourage anyone. It's probably not going to be that bad most of the time (though I have seen things that just make my head spin).

That said, I think the first guy made a mistake of just being a nondescript dude. It's not really clear what kind of person he is, he's just a guy. He doesn't seem like he is expressing anything in particular, like he is any type of person.

The second guy looks like he is going for the rich ********* archetype. He is a jerk, but it's a specific type, and some people are genuinely in the market for it.

It got me thinking about how back in school, even if I tried to "keep up with the Joneses" by trying to dress in the same pricey stuff they did, I still probably wouldn't have gotten anywhere with the "popular" girls because even if you dress the part, if you don't actually have the inside stuff, the personality, you won't actually be able to play the role.

But you can't just be a nondescript guy either, cause it's like a business that isn't sure what it's trying to achieve, what its aims are - what it's selling, and who it's trying to sell it to. I guess a nondescript guy isn't interesting or exciting enough for most women to want to take a chance.

Trying to be everything to everyone, or nothing in particular/not too much of anything, doesn't seem to work. It seems like you have to have niche features and aim yourself at the niche audience that's looking for those features.

For me, that's always been hard cause I wasn't sure of my interests and didn't feel comfortable expressing the interests I do have, and didn't have time or money to indulge in them, and so on and so forth that are my own issues specific to me, and well outside the scope of this thread. But yeah, it's somewhere I've gone wrong in the past and something I've tried to be more conscious of going forward.

 

[mgill]

The video is satire, so with that in mind I think it's a caricature of real life, and shouldn't actually discourage anyone.  It's probably not going to be that bad most of the time (though I have seen things that just make my head spin).

That said, I think the first guy made a mistake of just being a nondescript dude.  It's not really clear what kind of person he is, he's just a guy.  He doesn't seem like he is expressing anything in particular, like he is any type of person.

The second guy looks like he is going for the rich ********* archetype.  He is a jerk, but it's a specific type, and some people are genuinely in the market for it.

It got me thinking about how back in school, even if I tried to "keep up with the Joneses" by trying to dress in the same pricey stuff they did, I still probably wouldn't have gotten anywhere with the "popular" girls because even if you dress the part, if you don't actually have the inside stuff, the personality, you won't actually be able to play the role.

But you can't just be a nondescript guy either, cause it's like a business that isn't sure what it's trying to achieve, what its aims are - what it's selling, and who it's trying to sell it to.  I guess a nondescript guy isn't interesting or exciting enough for most women to want to take a chance.

Trying to be everything to everyone, or nothing in particular/not too much of anything, doesn't seem to work.  It seems like you have to have niche features and aim yourself at the niche audience that's looking for those features.

For me, that's always been hard cause I wasn't sure of my interests and didn't feel comfortable expressing the interests I do have, and didn't have time or money to indulge in them, and so on and so forth that are my own issues specific to me, and well outside the scope of this thread.  But yeah, it's somewhere I've gone wrong in the past and something I've tried to be more conscious of going forward.

as i mentioned in the original post it was very likely done as satire but currently is a case of life mirroring art. the reason why the first man is nondescript is because he is average looking.  the reason why the second man is so enthralling to her is because of his above average height, face & hair.  there is simply nothing a man can do to make up for below average height & face-period.

here is a great example of this uncomfortable truth in the real world:



if the man in this video were short & unattractive, at the very least he would have been slapped & punched by a very angry & deeply offended women.  more likely he would have been arrested & charged with assault.  it is even more disturbing that this took place smack in the middle of the pandemic.

 

[Finished]

^ Try elevator shoes. I did. It makes a difference. I had hiking type boots that added about 4 inches to my height. It got me a little over six feet tall. Inside they were like high heels. But, outside they just looked like regular hiking boots. It requires a lot of practice walking in them though. It worked well with long pants. I just didn't like them so I only wore them a few times as a test.

Also if you want to post a youtube video just do it like the following while spelling youtube correctly:

[yutube]b6t4oe4ELoA[/yutube]

That's a funny video BTW. Someone else posted it in a different thread.
[youtube]b6t4oe4ELoA[/youtube]

 

[TheSkaFish]

the reason why the first man is nondescript is because he is average looking. 

I meant more like, he just looks like a regular person. You can't tell if he is, say, into sports, music, gaming, motor vehicles, the outdoors, a member of various subcultures, etc. Like he's not a "type".

The second guy is a distinct "type", a particular kind of person regardless of his looks.

I feel like being really expressive, boldly declaring who you are and what you're into, what you're enthusiastic about, helps you find your tribe.

Just my take on it.

 

[mgill]

the reason why the first man is nondescript is because he is average looking. 

I meant more like, he just looks like a regular person.  You can't tell if he is, say, into sports, music, gaming, motor vehicles, the outdoors, a member of various subcultures, etc.  Like he's not a "type". 

The second guy is a distinct "type", a particular kind of person regardless of his looks.

I feel like being really expressive, boldly declaring who you are and what you're into, what you're enthusiastic about, helps you find your tribe.

Just my take on it.

i think if the world worked anywhere close to the way you suggest it does there would be far fewer single, lonely men in it.  women only care about the things you mention when a man is at a certain level of looks & height-otherwise they are completely irrelevant to them. some of us have tried everything possible yet still have had zero success due only to our inferior physical genetics.  exchange the clothes, style & attitude of the 2 men and the results would have been exactly the same.

 

[TheSkaFish]

i think if the world worked anywhere close to the way you suggest it does there would be far fewer single, lonely men in it.  women only care about the things you mention when a man is at a certain level of looks & height-otherwise they are completely irrelevant to them. some of us have tried everything possible yet still have had zero success due only to our inferior physical genetics.  exchange the clothes, style & attitude of the 2 men and the results would have been exactly the same.

I think the world CAN work the way I've suggested, based on my life.

I've seen guys work around looks, height, weight, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly Mr. Positivity, as some around here might tell you. I see-saw between worrying that I just have inferior, loser genetics and I'm just being weeded out by natural selection and there's nothing I can do, to feeling like there MUST be something I can do, I'm just not firing on all cylinders yet but I would be willing to try almost anything to get out.

"Exchange the clothes", well, that's like I said from my story. If you wear clothes that aren't congruent with your personality and interests, it's like you're disguising yourself as a member of someone else's tribe. You might look like that kind of person but you won't really be, and you won't be able to think or talk like that kind of person, and whoever is attracted to that kind of person won't go for you.

I'm saying the first guy should have tried some other outfit, not necessarily the second guy's, just something that 's a little more expressive of who he is as a person, what excites and interests him, etc.

The attitude, I'm more inclined to agree with you there and I still struggle with that. I haven't had time to really work on it lately.

The mind is a powerful thing. You can build yourself up or psych yourself out. Some of my life might have gone the same way anyway but I do think at least part of it was me telling myself I was a loser, or listening to the wrong people, people who told me I was a loser.

I'm not saying any one thing will work by itself but if you find some combination of things that make you more comfortable in your skin, it might give you the mental edge to shine through to somebody.

PS - I don't want to argue or beat you over the head with positivity cause I don't like that stuff either. I'm just offering different angles that I'm trying myself. I'm sorry you're feeling down and out, I know how that is. Whatever you decide, be well.

 

[4No1]

I think the problem is that the first guy goes to the girls that are waiting for the second.
If he wants that type of girls he should do something to be more like the type they excpect. And this work in both side.
In my opinion all this stuff are like a market: both just want to make a better deal.

 

[mgill]

I think the problem is that the first guy goes to the girls that are waiting for the second.
If he wants that type of girls he should do something to be more like the type they excpect. And this work in both side.
In my opinion all this stuff are like a market: both just want to make a better deal.

the vast majority of women are waiting for the second man and there is no way for the first guy to increase his height or improve his face & hair as these are the critical factors which women find attractive in men.  your market analogy may be apt but the problem is that most women would rather not play at all unless they can find a man who meets their high standards when it comes to male attractiveness.

 

[Finished]

What nobody is going to claim to be like the third guy?

 

[ardour]

Obviously the first guy is supposed to represent a loser/ unattractive man but he looks average in most respects, probably the male equivalent of those women if changed his style a bit.

How many approach random strangers like this anyway? It's not all that common without at least some context for a conversation starter. Tall good looking guys would still end up looking like idiots doing this.

 

[Finished]

^ That's the entire point of the video. If you are a tall good looking guy it doesn't matter what the f you say or do, which has a lot of truth to it. I proved this several times by using fake photos on Match com while basically saying women are crap. Many ignored what I wrote or just ignored it. Instead they just focused on the good looking photo.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think the problem is that some guys actually believe that women want a stalker guy and wouldn't possibly ever go for the first guy.
I'm sorry, but if you honestly believe that's how the world (and women) works, that should show you at least part of what your problem is.

 

[4No1]

But it's not about the women, it's about people. Some men also want the 'second' girls don't they?
I really doubt most women wait for the nice-and rich-looking but stupid/agressive/greedy/all in one men.

I've also tried a service like Match com and most men do the same: care only about the photo. So I deceided, that most people there can't read or can't understand the words or are bots(classification of the photos is easier than understaing the speach if someone needs more action on the site) or may be they are there to watch nice photos, anyway the expample was unrepresentative.

I also think that if the first had a strange clothes/was untidy/without some front teeth at least this would make more sence, because he's quite a nice guy.

So I agree with the above that guys think women want stalker and also the second proble is that some guys don't even notice the 'first' girls. There shoud be one in the video for a balance, btw)

By the way, here I mostly hear that women are interested only in money and men only in appearance. It seems, that the preferences depends on the culture.

And I know this feeling very well. I do my best not to believe that most men are not noticing you untill you fit their high standards of female attractiveness. Because our brain sometimes work so that we prefer to notice only the things confirming our beliefs and what if I am looking in the wrong place just to stay lonely? Also I believe that there would be less lonely people if we could stop blaiming each other(men vs women in this case) and begin to notice the people that are interested in us and not only those who are not.