A Woman's Perspective on Her Own Gender

[SophiaGrace]

I feel as though I have lots to say in response to guys who say that women have all the power in relationships & that women like bad boys.

I can only speak from my own perspective and opinion about things, so, this is where it is going to come from.

I postulate that any woman who is in an abusive relationship has issues. Issues with her self-esteem, with relating to others, with independence. She is, in her own right, sick in the head. Sick from the toxic dynamic of the relationship which might be so pervasive that it colors her entire world-view and causes her to repeatedly look for bad boys & go back to her abuser.

Personally, myself, coming from a home with domestic violence, I seek to break the cycle. And I will ardently avoid anything that so much reminds me of a guy that might be abusive or a mindset that might lead me to be abused. Oftentimes when you are in an emotionally sick relationship, it seems normal because it has come on so gradually. This is how people get broken down, by gradual increments. If someone was a **** on the first date, no girl would want to be with them.

There are a lot of sick-in-the-head people out there. Sometimes it’s just hard to spot them & before you know it, you’re in a toxic relationship, having your head twisted up. Which is why I am so careful with where I place my heart. I’ve learned from my mistakes which have caused me pain (certain personality patterns in people I’ve dated) and don’t seek the same in the future.

Women do not have all the power in relationships. Relationships are scary for both parties. True, honest relationships involve being vulnerable and trusting each other. So I think a lot of times when men complain that women have all the power in relationships or that they go for bad boys, I think it comes from a place of fear and pain from rejection.

Relationships aren’t easy by any stretch of the imagination. They involve work, compromise & allowing yourself to be vulnerable. This is hard & scary.

I am not saying that I have all the answers. Nor that even what I’ve stated above are complete answers. Hopefully though It’s given you something to ponder and respond to as you see fit.

 

[Laguna]

I generally agree with Sophia in this one. And about the whole "girls like bad boys" topic, this is my opinion:

It's not entirely wrong. Humans are emotional beings, and just as men's attraction to women usually depends just on physical appearance, women's attraction to men relies in some other factors. You always find the typical "nice guy" complaining about girls digging "bad boys". Instead of trying to find a different kind of girl, they're admitting that they're attracted to the same women that would fall for "bad boys", so they ultimately want the same as those.

It's a very general rule, and I don't personally think it should be taken too serious, especially in a place like this, where I think we all cherish other qualities. The "girls like bad boys" argument is a defence mechanism and a poor excuse for those too frustrated with their own lack of success.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Just my experince..its not all or be all.
I too came from a very disfunctional family...Most of the violent was directed towards me..cuz I was the only other male in the household..
My step is sick in the head and he spreads his disease around like its a free disneyland pass.

You cant alway judge a book by its cover...My exgf wasnt a bad girl type.
I met her @ church. Shes was also a social worker that works with adused children cuz she too feels she needed to break the cycle of violence...
Will..as a male its very difficult to explain my exgf was the worst of them all..becuz of her Dr. Jyckle and Mrs Hyde. The mask she puts on. The innocent. Sweet person act she puts on in front of the world but behind close doors...it was a living fucken hell.
I do undersatnd how difficult it is to get out of a toxic relationship..it took me over 3 years...even when I had all the informations..Its like a processs.

Ive also admitted openly that I like bad grls...especailly now..
At least I know what Im dealing with.

---

The same gose for my step father..
He puts up a front for the rest of the world to see. We dont live in a trailer park. We live in a very nice nieghbourhood in a very nice house.
Lookin good on the outside N all ****** up on the inside kind of thing. Our house aint messy...its like almost fucken spotless.
Jesus aint got **** on me...walking on water...I walk on fucken broken glass.hahahaha Eggshells my ***!

Renae too comes from a broken home. Its her and my wish to break the cycle for our children and grand children. We are not perfect people.
Shes not abusive or violent but she still has alot of flaws ..as I do.

 

[VanillaCreme]

See, the thing with the whole "girls like bad boys" is for the excitement. For the spontaneous fun. For the you-don't-know-what-he's-going-to-do-next. Now, grant it, that curtain closes early on that show when it turns into oh-my-goodness-what-is-he-going-to-do-next? There's a difference between those two attitudes. Personally, I grew tired of it, and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. And when I saw the relationship crumbling, I should have done a dolphin-dive right out. I didn't. I was stupid. I was dumb. I thought he would change. I thought he cared enough about me to be what I wanted him to be.

But it doesn't work that way. If you have to change someone, or if you have that longing to change someone, then they aren't right for you. Or if they change into someone you don't know, then they might not be right anymore. Then it's time to sit back and look over the relationship and figure out a next step. I learned that some people just can't compromise, and I couldn't rewind it to go back to how it used to be. I know for a fact that I didn't have any power in that relationship at all. Not one bit. So women don't always have the power. I don't think it's about having the power anyway. It's about caring enough and loving the person enough to take their feelings into consideration. To know when you hurt them, and to be considerate enough to stop.

 

[potato]

I don't think it's about having the power anyway. It's about caring enough and loving the person enough to take their feelings into consideration. To know when you hurt them, and to be considerate enough to stop.

I agree.

 

[PaperDuck87]

It is true. Girls do like bad boys. I've been turned down many of times by girls that I thought would be really nice to date only to find out they turn me down for some prick who doesn't have a job and is always out drinking beers with their buddies, shooting pool, and picking up women. Totally messed up and it pisses me off.

For me I'm not picky and choosy when it comes to women. I just go by her first impression....which I've mostly failed at. But hey at least I'm not choosing by race, religion, Virginity status, **** size, or *** size. Don't get me wrong...****s and *** is nice...but theres more to women than that. I need a deeper connection with her....it has to be like how a computer receives a connection signal from wifi. Totally synchronized.

But this isn't the 90's anymore...it seems like women are interested in the car you drive, the job you have, the friends you converse with, and where you live. It's like the human heart has no place in society anymore....all we are are just walking, talking, digital sex generation-Y vampires with no souls. The 90's was the sunset...the millenium is the period of forever night...and you know the freaks come out at night right?

Me. I'm going to stay human and continue being the way I am no matter what the hell others think.

 

[VanillaCreme]

...it seems like women are interested in the car you drive, the job you have...

I think that's because, especially now days, if you have a car and a steady job, that means you're stable. Which when it boils down to it, I think that's what nearly everyone wants in life. Someone they can depend on, who is able to pull through and rise up out of a bad situation, and be able to continue on with love and life.

It's not always about that though. Dude I like now has a car, which I think is great. My ex couldn't even drive, much less have a vehicle of his own.

 

[ShybutHi]

A large majority of both gender's are unfortunatly very materialistic these days.

I think its safe to say you can "thank" the media for that. /Sarcasm


I actually feel a bit sorry for these people who put up with an abusive relationship. Im not the most independent person out there but on the other hand i personally would NEVER stand for an abusive relationship.

Sorry girls but if you want to abuse me, it can only be sexually and even then there are limits. Haha


Approaching this thread from my own perspective... to me it actually seems strange that a person would even want to stay in an abusive relationship. I can understand that certain situations make people stick to it through circumstance but i dont agree with sticking to a relationship that isnt working out. I have never been in a relationship but i am very often around lots of people who are, so i probably have a different outlook on relationships to alot of people. I personally would cherish the relationship if i found someone i clicked with and the kind of women that i do click with always seem to be the softer caring feminine types, its just how it is. Bad girls are never attracted to me.

As soph said there are alot of "sick in the head" people out there but there are also just alot of people out there who have real problems trusting others or just simply dont share the same level of trust and honesty that their partner does. I also think it is rediculous to be in a relationship and not be able to be completely honest with each other.



Surely this is one of the main things a relationship should be about?

Being honest, trusting each other and sharing things. Someone who you can connect with on a deeper level, who you WANT to share things with in your life on a more intimate level.

If a relationship is void of this then its not a real relationship is it?


I wouldnt be suprised if i never found a girl with such a respect for honesty in a relationship than i do, they seem to be a dying breed nowadays but the search will continue. :club:

 

[PaperDuck87]

A large majority of both gender's are unfortunatly very materialistic these days.

I think its safe to say you can "thank" the media for that. /Sarcasm


I actually feel a bit sorry for these people who put up with an abusive relationship. Im not the most independent person out there but on the other hand i personally would NEVER stand for an abusive relationship.

Sorry girls but if you want to abuse me, it can only be sexually and even then there are limits. Haha


Approaching this thread from my own perspective... to me it actually seems strange that a person would even want to stay in an abusive relationship. I can understand that certain situations make people stick to it through circumstance but i dont agree with sticking to a relationship that isnt working out. I have never been in a relationship but i am very often around lots of people who are, so i probably have a different outlook on relationships to alot of people. I personally would cherish the relationship if i found someone i clicked with and the kind of women that i do click with always seem to be the softer caring feminine types, its just how it is. Bad girls are never attracted to me.

As soph said there are alot of "sick in the head" people out there but there are also just alot of people out there who have real problems trusting others or just simply dont share the same level of trust and honesty that their partner does. I also think it is rediculous to be in a relationship and not be able to be completely honest with each other.



Surely this is one of the main things a relationship should be about?

Being honest, trusting each other and sharing things. Someone who you can connect with on a deeper level, who you WANT to share things with in your life on a more intimate level.

If a relationship is void of this then its not a real relationship is it?


I wouldnt be suprised if i never found a girl with such a respect for honesty in a relationship than i do, they seem to be a dying breed nowadays but the search will continue. :club:

Funny thing you should mention being honest. I need to post a story up about my last 2 relationships. Honesty in that retrospective is quite ironic.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's not really about being materialistic. Being stable in life means you're capable of at least attempting to make it, and survive. I think it's important to be able to take care of yourself.

 

[jales]

Okay well here is another womens perspective on her own gender.

It is not as simple as women like bad or good boys. We like both.

Honestly this is my opinion based on my own experienced, and based on my observations of the females around me. Women like men who are honest, who are not afraid to be themselves (even if that is a lame geek, or an abusive male). Women like to be able to get reactions from men. I know women who do insane things to get their husbands to beat them.. and no they are not sick in the head. They just need to get a reaction from him... they do it so they can confirm that he loves them.

There was a girl in my school, who got her FEMALE FRIEND... to text her pretending to be a male to upset her husband.. and her husband ended up beating her so badly that she died. This is a sad story yes, but actually the friend reported that she never cheated on him, she just wanted to get him upset to see if he still loved her. This girl is an extreme case but on a smaller scale many women like to be reassured that the males they are with love them. And emotion (INCLUDING aggression) is an important part of that feedback.

My mom and dad also have a somewhat abusive relationship and I do not consider my mother to be sick at all. When males are honest about what they feel.. I think many women feel that they would be good relationship material. Guys who are jerks are often honest about what they feel.

And players who are jerks appear to be honest about what they feel without hurting a womens feelings. We think a guy is honest when he tells us that we aren't important, when he tells us that we are annoying or fat or whatever. And we like to know that the male we are entering a relationship with is an honest person. Someone who when we argue with them the conflict can eventually end.. because he is able to express his real issues and not someone who will lie for the sake of peace and prolong arguments.

Also do not judge women in abusive relationships. My dad has been abusive to my mom and they love each other and have been together for over 35 years. To judge them would be... wrong. Their relationship is so complicated that I can't even begin to explain it.

Has he hit her? Yes
Does he love her? Yes
Would he protect her in any given situation? Yes
Does she love him? Yes

Though she complains about him everyday, and he can be a a jack@$$ but he can be really sweet as well.

But my point is bad guys give off signals of honesty and clear feedback about their emotions and I think that women like that, because most guys can be very difficult for a woman to read. But yes ultimately women want a sweet good guy who will love them, treat them well, and be willing to fight for them if they ever need to.

 

[ShybutHi]

It's not really about being materialistic. Being stable in life means you're capable of at least attempting to make it, and survive. I think it's important to be able to take care of yourself.

Nilla my first statement which i think i can safely say is true in modern western society (it was also probably the least important thing in my post otherwise i would of touched on it more) was just a general statement and wasnt directed as a reply to your post.

I said it because it has implications on how people think... what the general mindset of the populous is. People like this are not very rational, they are usually more emotional and hence are more likely to get into an abusive relationship.