Acting on attraction.

[ShybutHi]

When you are attracted to someone, when do you think it is appropriate to act?

I am new to the whole dating thing and have only made a move on a woman once before but that situation was a very long time ago, and unusually I think, required pretty much no effort on my part or a real chance of rejection because her affection towards me was that obvious. Apart from that situation, I believe some women I have known over the years may have been interested, it is hard to tell for sure of course, but some have been what I would consider as unusually interested in trying to get to know me and unusually friendly towards me considering a lack of rapport with each other.

The problem I have is how do you really know when it would be appropriate to act? It may be a silly question...
I mean asking someone out that you just find attractive physically because you happen to not really know the person. Do you think you would do that?

During the time where I was just a bit too shy to be assertive in that way, I think I always just wished a woman would make a move on me instead which was silly because that is very unlikely, or that a woman who I was friends with would suddenly realize she wanted me and threw her heart out to me (lol I wish! That would be so cute).
I would not let anyone in and was very closed off back then, even got called "The Dark horse" before by one woman who I was friends with, I guess I seemed like such a mystery to her because I was so shy and closed off.

I am unsure about asking someone out that I do not really know at all, even if she is being very friendly towards me, for example what if you meet someone in a formal situation that you thought was attractive. This happened recently, there was an attractive woman who I met who was very very friendly towards me and it just got me thinking.
Maybe I should just take more of a risk and act even if I don't know the person personally at all.

I have a question specifically for women too. If a guy who you didn't know personally, but thought seemed nice, asked if you if you wanted to go for a drink or hang out with you sometime, would you automatically think he meant for a date or that he wanted a romantic relationship or just that maybe he wanted to be friends.
Also if you did think he seemed a nice person and was fairly attractive, what kind of chance do you think there would be of you accepting the proposal?

 

[dawningday]

I suck at the whole dating thing. In the past, I wasn't sure if certain woman where attracted to me...or if they were just being very kind and interested in me. I've never hit on, or asked a woman out. And the funny thing is, that all my romantic relationships happened with the woman hitting on me. So it can happen.
I probley could have had more relationships, if I took the chance and asked them out. I've always held back, 'cause I didn't want to offend them.....by hitting on them...lol

 

[ladyforsaken]

I suck at the whole dating dos and don'ts. But I think if you have that bugging feeling of taking that chance and risk, why not? If it doesn't work out, take it as a learning experience, one that only you can know from experience, not enough from what people tell you. Plus different situations, different people and events, different outcomes so you gotta just give it a shot to find out.

I have a question specifically for women too. If a guy who you didn't know personally, but thought seemed nice, asked if you if you wanted to go for a drink or hang out with you sometime, would you automatically think he meant for a date or that he wanted a romantic relationship or just that maybe he wanted to be friends.
Also if you did think he seemed a nice person and was fairly attractive, what kind of chance do you think there would be of you accepting the proposal?

I don't usually get this kind of invite lol so I don't know how to feel about it. Oh wait. I have actually. It was an ex-colleague. He'd always wait for me after work to head home together or he'd ask to hang out every now and then. I don't think anything beyond than friendship - but that's just me speaking for myself. Some of my friends have said he might be interested, but I somehow won't and don't believe it unless he claims it himself, so as far as I see it, it's just friendship and he just probably likes hanging out or talking to me. But I often decline.. cos I'm anti-social like that. :\

But I know that's where I know him personally. But if it's a stranger? I'd still think it's a casual gesture. I don't like to assume things like that. It just makes me feel like a fool. :S

So, it also depends on the girl. I do know of a friend who'd get all jumpy and excited and would keep asking me "do you think he's asking me to hangout cos he likes me in that way?" I don't know how often women would think like this but.. I think it's your luck who you come across...

Good luck though, Shy.

 

[ShybutHi]

I suck at the whole dating thing. In the past, I wasn't sure if certain woman where attracted to me...or if they were just being very kind and interested in me. I've never hit on, or asked a woman out. And the funny thing is, that all my romantic relationships happened with the woman hitting on me. So it can happen.
I probley could have had more relationships, if I took the chance and asked them out. I've always held back, 'cause I didn't want to offend them.....by hitting on them...lol

I find it very hard to tell if someone has feelings for me or are attracted in any way... I just have no experience whatsoever in this matter. I don't like to assume that it is the case either, even if a girl is being very friendly towards me.
Some people are just like that naturally, I know of quite a few women who have been that way towards me. It can be hard to differentiate between friendly or flirty unless it really is obvious like they specifically ask to hang out with you.

I don't like the term "hitting" on someone, that has sort of negative connotations to it in my opinion, seems to sort of devalue the fact you find the person attractive and want to get to know them.

I know it certainly is not impossible that a woman would try and get with a man she is interested in, it happens, I just think it happens a lot less than the other way around. I admit there is a certain appeal to being asked by a woman... Then you know she actually is interested.




It is hard because unlike a lot of people out there, I think of relationships as something which should really not be taken lightly, something which is, and should, be special. I think that may be a good thing in the long run, but maybe not so good in the short term with regards to a new relationship with someone whom you had only been on dates with and not been friends with beforehand.

I see all sorts of people getting into relationships here and there and just think well do they truly like each other or not, are they just going with the flow.

 

[ardour]

It depends on how attractive you perceive yourself to be and if there's any clear indication from the person. "Hitting on somebody" shouldn't be a problem as long as it doesn't come across as gross, sleazy or intrusive to personal space. It seems like you'd rather not - I understand, it's so trite and embarrassing to have to, but I guess it's also the expected norm and you could be considered a coward for not 'escalating' that way.

 

[Tx2116]

I feel very low confidence,I had been physically attracted to beautiful woman,but there is a evil thinking contradiction which I still struggle in,I like better looking woman but I feel I should not be so judgemental that I choose woman base on thier looks as I am only average looking,it's a very huge struggle for me

I am 24,never been in a relationship,diagnosed with mental disorder and still living with my parents,hope to make some changes