Addiction

[DjNight]

So, My cross to bear must finally come out.
I listen to the songs, I read the poems, the books,and the voices.
I try to help other's, heal their pain, their sorrow, their lonelyness.
Each day i take a step back and tell myself that I'm helping the world, and that it's why I'm here. Its an addiction, the fact that I try to help these people, then send them on to better lives, give them their advice and then let them go on.
But why? why do I not feel better..like I still owe the world everything.
I know they say you cannot make the whole world happy, but I tell myself that if I help as many as I can that it will be enough. That helping these people will serve me a purpose in this world. I try to cure my own lonelyness by getting people out of theirs.
People say, make yourself happy, then you will be better, but the only thing that makes me happy is making others happy and feel better about themselves.
I suppose I become Lonely because they get what they needed out of it, then leave.I dont feel bad at first because I know i helped them, but then ,here I am at the start again, the bff......
What am I missing.........

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Basic traits of a co-dependency. As a recoverying addict myself. I stopped drinking and using at a young age...
Abstance is first and formost of course..but it was only the begining of my recovery.

I ended up having a long term relationship with another alcoholic...unfortunately she relasped 7 years into
our relationship...that's went the fun began.lol
Bascailly my view on life is almost like your's. I was the care taker, bread winner, head of household.
By doing these things I thought it would make my GF happy or at least try to get sober...
I spent 5 years of my life trying to save her. Save her life. Slowly i started losing myself.
My life was put on the back barner to deal with her chaso and madness.
That's how I was raised...If you love someone. You stand by them in health and in sickness.
I view her alcoholism as a sickness.

Over the years..it became habitual. i totally lost myself just the same as when I was using...
The results were the same...I hit another bottom clean and sober.

It's the same...I was working on someone's else problems instead of mine...no matter if it's even your partner
or love ones...It hurts bad, it really dose..but those are patterns that I can't deny.

I had a hard time accepting that I was co-dependent...How could i be??? I'm a recoverying addict...

mmm...my father is an alcoholic. I bascailly grew up in a disfucntional home. I'm ACOA.
most ACOA end up abusing drugs and alcohol themselves, get involve in a toxic relationship or have relationships
with another alcoholic...


My gF had simular traits as my father or she treated me almost the same...or it felt the same to me...
Familar...old comfortzone.
lots of deep rooted guilt and shame

Of course I didn't wanted my life to turn out like this...I hated father so , so much
I wanted noithing to be like him.

I had traits simular to my mother's..She's codependent.