ShybutHi said:
Solitary man that is great! I would probably think of some things I could say in relation to the walking, places they may have been, how long they have been in the club and such. Greet them with a friendly and positive manner. Do not feel pressure to be some super communicator. Just make sure you greet the people or person, with a smile and a nod. That should make people feel that you want to be there and happy with your presence (you would be surprised on how people pick up on anxiety)
Even if you are there with them and you go off in your own world looking at the scenery, try and be happy with being there even if no one takes any real notice of you. Try not to feel pressure to be social, just "want" to be there and be happy that you are out there doing it.
Great advice, ShybutHi". In fact that's the sort of advice I would have given if someone else as socially inhibited as me had created this thread. In social situations I have a propensity to freeze, in fact my aversion to social situations and people in general has caused this 15 year rut. Not trying too hard to be social, but not being anti-social and just enjoying the great outdoors in the moment sounds like a good strategy.
Tiina63 said:
Good advice Shybuthi. I agree that you shouldn't feel pressure to be some super comminicator, but just smile and nod, and look friendly. If you feel a bit of an outsider, don't let it put you off going again. It can take a while to find your feet in a group, especially when you are on the introverted side. I admire you for finding the courage to join the group and I hope that it is the start of a new and better life for you.
Thanks Tiina63, and I mean that sincerely. If I don't break out of this very long spell of social isolation it's going to have a disastrous effect, in fact it already has, but I'm finally trying to finally put a positive foot forward.
kamya said:
They will know and sense that you aren't used to social interaction. There is literally nothing you can do to hide it. So just don't worry about it and try to have fun. Hopefully they will be nice and accepting and give you the time you need to open up.
More great advice. Thanks kamya.
Montreal Skye said:
I too think everyone is right, don't try to overcompensate on the conversation, I'm sure there will be a lot of small talk with everyone involved as you get to know them. And hill-walking is a great activity to do while meeting people. With the exercise, you'll naturally be more relaxed because of the endorphin release and I'm sure your anxiety will ease a little, making it easier to have a conversation with someone! And even if you end up not talking much, you've made that first step! The next one will be easier!
If you need a little help, you can always have some chamomile or passionflower before you go, natural calming herbs.
I used to deal with anxiety with St. Johns Wort, meditation, and calming self-talk. Tried Chamomile, but it just wasn't potent enough for me. I think once I get over the first hurdle of meeting them all for the first time and just learn to control my social anxiety things shall be better after that.
Sci-Fi said:
I'd probably be shitting myself too, but you just suck it up and enjoy yourself. Put on your best friendly smile and say hi to anyone who makes eye contact with you. You are taking a huge step just by going and should be proud of yourself for that.
good luck, this sounds like something I would like. Everything in my city seems to involve getting pissed. Ive searched for interesting things to do, can't find a thing.
Cheers Sci-fi. Eye contact; smile, Gotcha. I'm not good at socialising in bars, in fact I usually drown, so out in nature seemed like a better option.
TheSolitaryMan said:
Don't panic. People usually don't expect you constantly talk or carry conversation, especially if you're doing an activity.
In my experience people like a listener - as someone who is shy, I've always been quite good at processing and retaining what people are talking about, I expect you are too.
First, pick up on the names of everyone you can and refer to people by name when you first talk to them, just to give your introduction a personal tilt. Remain quiet and listen to people primarily and if anything comes up that you can contribute to, go right ahead. You'll be popular with the group without putting any pressure on yourself to go over the top socialising, so you can gently ease back into interacting with larger groups of people again.
That's how I usually approach parties and large gatherings of people, and I generally get on pretty well with people even though I'm sometimes secretly panicking about what to say!
I hope I'm not just sounding really vague or patronising here, not my intention, good luck!
Not at all, man. In fact more very sound and practical advice. My poor short-term memory has prevented me from retaining people's names with brief introductions in the past, and I haven't always been the greatest listener, so these are things to focus on sharpening before the meet.
Thanks to all of you for your positive support, contributions, and helpful and encouraging advice. As someone who is a chronic loner and virtual social recluse, it's appreciated.
I know that I must change my self defeating lifestyle, lose my fear and dislike of other people, and attempt to become sociable or I'm going to go insane again the way I did in 2003. Suffice to say, the details shall not be forthcoming, as it's a very long story.
Thank you one and all.
If I go out and fail, well, at least I tried.
