again on the net

whitepeony · Aug 30, 2021

Hello, by chance I am totally alone and I am a 50 years old woman from Romania - sadly enough I am isolated since I was 13, with no link whatsoever to my personality or deeds. I am happy that I can try at least to fool my own ego by reading and writing on this fora if I find something in common with myself. I never tried to manipulate others, what I am writing is the truth, but I will always try to write about the better part of the situation. Even if social networks cannot take the place of a human being, they are at least an opportunity for some variation. My situation is desperate, I did not even have someone to talk to on the phone for decades - only a classmate, but a long time ago. I think you cannot understand this - it has been almost 37 years of almost total solitude for me. But only now I feel the harsh part of the situation. I cannot be a hooker or stop persons on the street in order to have a talk with them - effectively and really I need much more to listen to than to talk to someone. I did not even have an email contact, to exchange letters with him. It is not maladjustment - I have only the Sunday church mass as a social occasion to meet and see people, and I cannot be emotionally or physically closer to those people because I have studied 23 years and they are simple folks. Some of them noticed me in the church and were gentle enough, yet they kept the social distance as it is normal and predictable. Being rejected by my teachers and colleagues in the universities, I could not find another social arena or at least an occasion for interaction and communication. The worst thing is that I cannot find a job and now I am fifty. If I had a job or any kind of activity, everything would have been fine. I was a high school teacher for 2 years, but, after losing my job, my doctor refused to give me a certificate for working again, because of my psychiatric diagnosis. Maybe she was not right, anyway she is not a psychiatrist. Maybe she is not guilty, and maybe I shall try again to ask for that - but I am 50 years old and it is harder - now I am a retiree, I was forced to accept that, having very little money. I am aware that jobs are prepared for those who are accepted and free, and this saddens me completely - I really did not do something wrong, and I never had psychiatric symptoms. I will not talk about this in the future here, but it certainly is a mistake - I already requested reconsideration of my diagnostic and of my rights to work. That's all, please don't ask me more, I am here to help if possible, I don't want to induce fear or negative feelings towards psychiatry in my country or elsewhere. Now I need psychiatric drugs every day, but I can still work and learn different things, it is very unfair. One cannot find a job or voluntary work somewhere without having social connections at all... Only my mother - no one else - is with me, but we don't get along very well.

kaetic · Aug 30, 2021

If you're really bored you could look into starting a business. You can do that online. Or writing etc, whatever you enjoy doing and maybe take anything you make to a flea market? Or whatever they call those there. If you're religious you could make rosaries or decorative crosses, etc.
Just trying to come up with some ideas.
But honestly co-workers aren't much better than the people you pass on the street as far as friends go. I hope you find someone you can relate to, but sometimes you just have to settle for the people who will talk.

Minus · Aug 31, 2021

Welcome to the forums. Look around and make yourself at home. Join in any discussion that you choose.

whitepeony · Aug 31, 2021

@kaetic - thank you very much for stopping by ... I am ready to work with anyone if someone, or maybe someone like you needs my help - e.g. translations, stories, essays, poems, whatever I can do.

@Minus - maybe I will follow your advice, thanks

Diagnosed · Sep 24, 2021

whitepeony said:
Hello, by chance I am totally alone and I am a 50 years old woman from Romania - sadly enough I am isolated since I was 13, with no link whatsoever to my personality or deeds. I am happy that I can try at least to fool my own ego by reading and writing on this fora if I find something in common with myself. I never tried to manipulate others, what I am writing is the truth, but I will always try to write about the better part of the situation. Even if social networks cannot take the place of a human being, they are at least an opportunity for some variation. My situation is desperate, I did not even have someone to talk to on the phone for decades - only a classmate, but a long time ago. I think you cannot understand this - it has been almost 37 years of almost total solitude for me. But only now I feel the harsh part of the situation. I cannot be a hooker or stop persons on the street in order to have a talk with them - effectively and really I need much more to listen to than to talk to someone. I did not even have an email contact, to exchange letters with him. It is not maladjustment - I have only the Sunday church mass as a social occasion to meet and see people, and I cannot be emotionally or physically closer to those people because I have studied 23 years and they are simple folks. Some of them noticed me in the church and were gentle enough, yet they kept the social distance as it is normal and predictable. Being rejected by my teachers and colleagues in the universities, I could not find another social arena or at least an occasion for interaction and communication. The worst thing is that I cannot find a job and now I am fifty. If I had a job or any kind of activity, everything would have been fine. I was a high school teacher for 2 years, but, after losing my job, my doctor refused to give me a certificate for working again, because of my psychiatric diagnosis. Maybe she was not right, anyway she is not a psychiatrist. Maybe she is not guilty, and maybe I shall try again to ask for that - but I am 50 years old and it is harder - now I am a retiree, I was forced to accept that, having very little money. I am aware that jobs are prepared for those who are accepted and free, and this saddens me completely - I really did not do something wrong, and I never had psychiatric symptoms. I will not talk about this in the future here, but it certainly is a mistake - I already requested reconsideration of my diagnostic and of my rights to work. That's all, please don't ask me more, I am here to help if possible, I don't want to induce fear or negative feelings towards psychiatry in my country or elsewhere. Now I need psychiatric drugs every day, but I can still work and learn different things, it is very unfair. One cannot find a job or voluntary work somewhere without having social connections at all... Only my mother - no one else - is with me, but we don't get along very well.

Wow! I enjoyed what U said... Once a month I´ll try to get "updates" from wthat U left written (I don´t have electricity, internet nor a phone: The only one I would call it would be my mom and, if God allows, she will leave this country soon (I hope that)

Diagnosed · Sep 24, 2021

"(...) I cannot be a hooker or stop persons on the street in order to have a talk with them - effectively and really I need much more to listen to than to talk to someone. (...)"
These troublesome years I have fed my innermost emptiness (alone) on Twitter as I´m_not_like_you