Age gap relationships gone wrong?

[VanillaCreme]

It's not her that needs to grow up, it's him, Lonesome Crow. She wasn't the one who made the negative comment.

It just sounds like he is emotionally less mature than her, as a 20 year old. He probably is emotionally 16 years old, despite being a professor and all. I know lots of guys like that, who are intellectually sound but lack the emotional maturity to go anywhere.

And it is also possible that he has Aspergers, and just doesn't know when to shut up, or has poor social skills.

Honestly though, I think she just took everything to heart. He should have just been honest with her if he didn't want anything deeper. I suppose it's a mistake on both of them. He should have been clearer though.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Honestly though, I think she just took everything to heart. He should have just been honest with her if he didn't want anything deeper. I suppose it's a mistake on both of them. He should have been clearer though.

Yeah, probably true.

Although I think that most men who date younger aren't looking for anything stable. She should have realized this, and dated someone her own age.

 

[Badjedidude]

And it is also possible that he has Aspergers, and just doesn't know when to shut up, or has poor social skills.

NOT EVERYONE HAS ASPERGER'S

For ****'s sake.

Some people just don't have social skills. I'm tired of seeing people blame their problems on ******* Asperger's and autism.

Jesus christ.

Most people who have no social skills SIMPLY NEVER LEARNED THEM, for a HUGE variety of reasons... most probably having to do with the environment in which they grew up. Maybe they were brats. Maybe their parents didn't discipline them. Maybe they were nerds and were shunned by society.

There are SO many more reasons that these things happen.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

And it is also possible that he has Aspergers, and just doesn't know when to shut up, or has poor social skills.

NOT EVERYONE HAS ASPERGER'S

For ****'s sake.

Some people just don't have social skills. I'm tired of seeing people blame their problems on ******* Asperger's and autism.

Jesus christ.

Most people who have no social skills SIMPLY NEVER LEARNED THEM, for a HUGE variety of reasons... most probably having to do with the environment in which they grew up. Maybe they were brats. Maybe their parents didn't discipline them. Maybe they were nerds and were shunned by society.

There are SO many more reasons that these things happen.

I was throwing that out as a possible option, dude. I don't know if it is true or not...jesus. I don't know either one of them personally.

 

[maidahl]

@LonesomeCrow: Thank you Wow

 

[Ox Blood]

I don't know why so many of these threads turn into debates.

This is a sensitive topic, I imagine... OP, You're a lot braver than I am to turn to the community like this.

How are you feeling? If you ever want to talk, I'm a PM away.

 

[shesafrozenfire]

And it is also possible that he has Aspergers, and just doesn't know when to shut up, or has poor social skills.

NOT EVERYONE HAS ASPERGER'S

For ****'s sake.

Some people just don't have social skills. I'm tired of seeing people blame their problems on ******* Asperger's and autism.

Jesus christ.

Most people who have no social skills SIMPLY NEVER LEARNED THEM, for a HUGE variety of reasons... most probably having to do with the environment in which they grew up. Maybe they were brats. Maybe their parents didn't discipline them. Maybe they were nerds and were shunned by society.

There are SO many more reasons that these things happen.

This x 1,000.

 

[Callie]

I still don't see him as an ass or a pig. He's an older man, so wanting someone more mature/grown-up/whatever doesn't seem like that big of a thing to me.

What makes him a pig is that he dumped professionalism and any ethical boundaries to the wayside when he had sex with a student. He's a pig because his baser urges overruled any dignity or esteem he had for his own career/profession. Granted, at the college level it's not as deadly serious as it would be at a high-school level... but it's still pretty bad.

Wanting a woman his own age is perfectly fine.

Yes, the unethical part of it is one thing, but I'm talking specifically what we know of the relationship between the OP and the guy. What he did there is not really him being a pig. There really isn't a reason to make assumptions from the information we've been given about why he got into a relationship with her in the first place, because we don't know why.
And I never said anything about women his own age, I said more mature/grown up...there's a difference.

---

And it is also possible that he has Aspergers, and just doesn't know when to shut up, or has poor social skills.

NOT EVERYONE HAS ASPERGER'S

For ****'s sake.

Some people just don't have social skills. I'm tired of seeing people blame their problems on ******* Asperger's and autism.

Jesus christ.

Most people who have no social skills SIMPLY NEVER LEARNED THEM, for a HUGE variety of reasons... most probably having to do with the environment in which they grew up. Maybe they were brats. Maybe their parents didn't discipline them. Maybe they were nerds and were shunned by society.

There are SO many more reasons that these things happen.

I was throwing that out as a possible option, dude. I don't know if it is true or not...jesus. I don't know either one of them personally.

And this topic...I don't really agree with either of you. Some people are prone to throw out that everyone has Asperger's and some people are prone to calling ******** every time someone even says the word.
There are MANY disorders that are similar to Asperger's, so I'm not really one that likes people throwing that word around. Quite frankly it's kind of offensive to me. The testing required to even diagnose it is drawn out and frustrating, because of the many other things it COULD be and because of the "overdiagnosis" of disorders on the autism spectrum.

 

[Trent]

i don't think age has anything to do with it.

i think most people nowadays don't know how to stand on their own two feet as an individual.

if you can't be a functional individual, you can't be part of a functional relationship.

 

[maidahl]

People need to invest in punching bags on forumland. Yeah, Trent. I get that. Just wondering if, in general, age gaps can function between two mature, functioning adults. Does that make them less combatible and likely to fail? I still have many answers to rethink through.

 

[shesafrozenfire]

People need to invest in punching bags on forumland. Yeah, Trent. I get that. Just wondering if, in general, age gaps can function between two mature, functioning adults. Does that make them less combatible and likely to fail? I still have many answers to rethink through.

1. Yes, "age-gap relationships" can work.

2. Compatibility isn't necessarily dependent upon age.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Just wondering if, in general, age gaps can function between two mature, functioning adults.

In essence, yes. Age gap relationships can work between two mature individuals, who are different ages. It can also work between two immature individuals, who are different ages.

When there is one who is more mature than the other one, however old or young the person is, there tends to be an inequality in the relationship, and the relationship will fail. That was what I was getting at with my post. You seem mature beyond your years, and the professor seems to be immature for his age.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Honestly though, I think she just took everything to heart. He should have just been honest with her if he didn't want anything deeper. I suppose it's a mistake on both of them. He should have been clearer though.

Yeah, probably true.

Although I think that most men who date younger aren't looking for anything stable. She should have realized this, and dated someone her own age.

i don't think age has anything to do with it.

i think most people nowadays don't know how to stand on their own two feet as an individual.

if you can't be a functional individual, you can't be part of a functional relationship.

Exactly. I mean, my ex was younger than me, and it was just never going to work out. And my dude now is older than me, and we're stable enough to not beat each other over the head with 2x4s everyday. The claim that men dating younger females aren't looking for stability isn't always true. Nor the claims about women dating younger men. It's not even about preference. Because you could get an immature older person - which I think this dude was - or you could get a mature younger person.

 

[Callie]

You seem mature beyond your years, and the professor seems to be immature for his age.

Are we reading the same posts here?

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^lol ikr

 

[Lost Drifter]

Age gaps can work.

Two drunk and quite possibly high people having a brief sexual fling for two different and undeclared reasons usually don’t work.

I really don’t see how age is at fault in this matter.

---

But the REALITY is that a lot of "older men" are just looking for sex. They'll leave their wives, children, and conscience just for young ass. Young girls are often vulnerable...still growing up...inexperienced...and for a perv - it's jackpot. A lot of male teachers would **** all the students and their daughter's friends if they had the chance. It's just reality.

EDIT: Same goes for the female teachers of course.

Cited references please :rolleyes2:

 

[VanillaCreme]

Age gaps can work.

Two drunk and quite possibly high people having a brief sexual fling for two different and undeclared reasons usually don’t work.

I really don’t see how age is at fault in this matter.

---

But the REALITY is that a lot of "older men" are just looking for sex. They'll leave their wives, children, and conscience just for young ass. Young girls are often vulnerable...still growing up...inexperienced...and for a perv - it's jackpot. A lot of male teachers would **** all the students and their daughter's friends if they had the chance. It's just reality.

EDIT: Same goes for the female teachers of course.

Cited references please :rolleyes2:

---

I thought the very same.

That is not reality. The reality is that anyone could be just looking for sex. Occupation, gender, age, or any other irrelevant factors have nothing to do with it. Some people even stay in a falsified relationship on their behalf, and then end up telling the other person that they were just in it for the sex...

So what's age got to do with it?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What does age have to do with it? Really, experience.

If one is younger and is trying to find themselves, and the other already has found themselves, it's not a good match. It's an unequal relationship.

It really depends on maturity levels, too. Some older guys are less mature than others, and some younger women are more mature than others.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What does age have to do with it? Really, experience.

If one is younger and is trying to find themselves, and the other already has found themselves, it's not a good match. It's an unequal relationship.

Age has nothing to do with experience. There are plenty of people who are 40-something with just as much experience as a 20-something. There's people on this very forum who are older, yet don't have any experience. And there are younger people with more experience than someone twice as old as they are.

Also, someone can help you find yourself and help you find what you want in life. I think relationships are only unequal if two people aren't headed in similar directions.