Aomine said:
Lately, my depression has reached dangerous levels. I'm sad and depressed all day, I pitty myself. Here I am at my twenties, almost done with college and I can shamely admit; I've never had a real relationship. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm broken inside ever since a couple years ago. That was the last time I've ever truly experienced love or a crush, those butterflies in your stomach and the anxiety, I was young, naive I blew it and confessed my love too early so that I'd be completely crushed in return with a simple 'no.' My emotions have been crippled ever since, I've never had luck with girls I could get their numbers but I could never get past that, I'll always end up friendzoned or simply rejected. All I want is just to feel.. loved, cared about.
I've been done with college for a while and I just turned 30 last year, but other than that, I'm pretty much the same way. I've never had a girlfriend either, and I'm pretty down about it. All my life, I thought it would just happen one day but it never did. Most of the time I wasn't even noticed, but it wasn't so bad since there usually wasn't anyone around that interests me anyway. I almost never experience crushes either, because it's hardly ever that someone really strikes me, really makes me want to talk to them and learn more and makes me feel like you said, butterflies in my stomach, that special kind of excitement where you feel light enough that you could just blow away.
The few times that I ever actually do meet someone that really excites me, that I feel like I could share things with and have fun with and that fascinates me, I haven't had any luck either. I just don't seem to know how I should talk or act in a way that makes people see me as more than a friend. I'm not putting the right vibes out there, I'm sending the wrong message but I don't know of any other way I can be. It's like friendship is this barrier that I'm too weak to punch through, climb over, or break free of. It really makes me feel like an ineffectual person, like there's something wrong with me, like my personality is just too boring, bland, and awkward because I'm not triggering these girls' feeling of excitement like they are for me. I feel like I need to spice up my personality, but I don't exactly know how. I really don't think I'm meeting the wrong people either since that means that nobody is right for me. Meanwhile, there are other people who are able to connect with almost anyone without much trouble. I feel like I must be doing something wrong.
Aomine
I just want simple things, I just want someone to go out with, hold hands, call my own, exchange love texts and the silly emojis and most importantly one who wouldn't let me go. Even a hug would be very exciting right now. Anyone, anyone at all would fit... I'm not picky at all anymore. Nothing has ever worked out for me and now I don't know what to do anymore. I used to be able to only need myself but now I can't bare it anymore. And I'm very very depressed. I pitty myself to sleep which is the worst part of it all.. I've tried everything...
I need help. Please.
I feel the same way, I've wanted those for so long now. Just being able to share those cute little things, the texts and messages for no reason other than wanting to talk, the smilies, sharing moments, and going places and taking silly pictures together. It's really frustrating when this seems almost effortless for others, but so hard for us. You wonder what you have to do, how much further you have to go, when it's going to turn around, or if it ever will. You wonder if you'll ever have that special ingredient that will finally allow you to connect with someone. I don't really have any advice to give, except to say that I empathize. I'm afraid of being alone forever too, getting more so all the time.