Always You

[Lost Drifter]

Ever feel like it’s always you who has to make the effort in being sociable? How it’s you who has to show an interest in the other person because they sure as hell have none in you? How it’s always you having to forgive and to forget, to force a smile on your face and pretend everything is ok? How you’re always expected to put in all the work in making friends but never get the rewards?

I work with so many miserable, arrogant and downright spiteful people yet they’re forever surrounded by friends and people showing concern for them. It’s like it’s too easy for them, they just come into work to bitch and moan yet others are near falling over themselves to help cheer them up and no one ever forgets their birthdays even when they pay no attention to anyone else.

I just don’t get it, I’m getting tired of doing all the work only to be forgotten.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Do an experiment. Stop doing all the work, pay no attention to anyone else and see what happens.

I know what you mean though, and god forbid if you forget it's their birthday. I did that once, "forgot", just to see what happened. My co-worker said nothing most of the day until he couldn't take it anymore and asked me if I remembered what "today" was. I played dumb getting him to tell me it was his birthday and act all butt hurt cause I didn't remember. So then I turned it around and asked "okay, when's my birthday?" Bet you can guess his answer. Some people are just too self absorbed to think of anyone else.

I'm lucky, I'm horrible at remembering things like birthdays, I can usually recall the month but not the actual date.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Do an experiment. Stop doing all the work, pay no attention to anyone else and see what happens.

Have done for a whole fortnight and the distressing result was that not a single person bothered with me, as much as I hate having to do all the work, not doing so would be like turning invisible again.

I get you on the birthday thing though, my co-workers don’t seem to find it odd that I’ve never had a birthday as long as I’ve been there (as in they don’t notice it) but heaven forbid I forget one of theirs or not contribute to some collection!

 

[Sci-Fi]

It's hard to get people to realize how oblivious they are. Have you ever done anything for yourself on your birthday? Like buy a cupcake or something just to see if anyone asks. Then you can tell them it's your birthday and see their reaction. Sometimes that makes people feel like jerks or they'll think you are being a jerk rubbing it in their face they didn't know. Could be fun.

Put them in their place.

 

[Tiina63]

I know the feeling only too well. Usually, when I go out to reading groups or whatever, I have to be the one to start talking to whoever is next to me, otherwise noone would speak to me. I went to a meeting recently and two people, one either side of me, had a conversation across me, as if I wasn't even there.

 

[Ak5]

Doesn't matter IMHO. The only important result is that you make friends, whether or not they start the conversation, or you do. Also, starting it yourself makes you look confident and outgoing; if others see you, then they'll want to meet you themselves.

 

[freedom]

with me it's the other way around. i used to actually care about forging and maintiaining friendships, but then i found that people are, well, the way that you described the person in your post. people don't really care. i would always have to go the extra mile to try and make things work, but they never would.

....so, that's why i don't have any friends. it's why i no longer make friends, even though there are a few that really do care about me. i just don't want their friendship :\