Am I dead?

[JustLost]

Hey everyone. I used to post here many moons ago. I left due to the simple that that I had ran out of things to say (happens sometimes). Lately though I've been feeling a bit strange and wanted to ask the question:

Am I dead? You must have seen this plot twist in movies before. People walk around and no one ever seems to notice them. They repeat the same tasks over and over without knowing it. The film ends with the main character discovering they're a ghost or stuck in Purgatory or wherever.

This is how I feel. No one ever seems to notice I'm around. I repeat the same daily routines. I used to be depressed, but now I just feel numb...like a disembodied shell. I keep expecting to find my body at the foot of the staircase outside right before the credits roll.

So for those of you who've read this far...can you see this message? Am I really typing this, or am I stuck in an overused plot device? If you can see this, and I am in fact still breathing...does anyone else feel this way?

 

[Robin]

You're perfectly real, and normal. Having unreal feelings can mean alot of things. In Your case it simply seems like You've been doing what You do too long. Your mind wants to escape Your body and go somewhere else. It's tired of Your life and wants to move on. You need to start doing something new, preferably find some new hobby or something. Also, if You're displeased with Your body You could try and start doing sit-ups or so for example to make Yourself feel better that way. Doing the same things day in and day out causes more severe and severe cases of the disorientation You feel. Disliking Your own body also creates these feelings.

 

[evanescencefan91]

ya i know what you mean i've felt the same way occasionally, I'm often reminded that i'm still alive when i stub my toe or something physically painful like tha, I don't mean i'm a cutter, I'm just kinda clumsy

 

[Minus]

I started out sure that you were not dead but now, by your description, you have me wondering if i am dead. Yeah i guess i feel that way and i thought i was just invisible.

 

[JustLost]

You're perfectly real, and normal. Having unreal feelings can mean alot of things. In Your case it simply seems like You've been doing what You do too long. Your mind wants to escape Your body and go somewhere else. It's tired of Your life and wants to move on. You need to start doing something new, preferably find some new hobby or something. Also, if You're displeased with Your body You could try and start doing sit-ups or so for example to make Yourself feel better that way. Doing the same things day in and day out causes more severe and severe cases of the disorientation You feel. Disliking Your own body also creates these feelings.

I have hobbies, I just haven't had much time to do any of them.

I don't think I'm displeased with my body...I used to be but I started working out awhile back.

There is just a serious lack of stimulation in my life and far too much routine. I work a lot and have very little human interaction. I need a change, but every time I try to affect any I always end up back in the same place I started. It's frustrating and I think my mind is reacting to it by shutting down. At least when I was "depressed" I still felt marginally alive.

 

[JustLost]

ya i know what you mean i've felt the same way occasionally, I'm often reminded that i'm still alive when i stub my toe or something physically painful like tha, I don't mean i'm a cutter, I'm just kinda clumsy

I'm clumsy as well. However it's got so bad lately that sometimes I don't even react to pain.

The other day I was using a soldering iron and accidentally bumped my arm against the tip. It didn't even seem to hurt, it was more of a "Hmmm, well that's going to leave a mark." kind of reaction.

 

[Hijacc]

Oh Hai!

 

[JustLost]

I started out sure that you were not dead but now, by your description, you have me wondering if i am dead. Yeah i guess i feel that way and i thought i was just invisible.

Yeah, I've been through the feeling "invisible" thing. However, when I felt invisible I still seemed to have my emotions intact. Now however, they seem to be missing a lot of the time.

 

[Terminus]

I can definately relate to what you're saying. Sometimes I wonder: "if no-one really knows me, do I even exist?". It's definately not nice to feel like that, to say the least!

 

[Skorian]

Ya, I have felt like this before. Though it wasn't because I was totally not feeling. I have felt that to, but I have felt like I can be surrounded by people, but somehow am not even a part of this world. People knowtice me, but no one can really get close.

I have often wondered. If there is a heaven and hell. Are we all already in hell and the concept that there is a better place is part of our torture?

 

[evanescencefan91]

if purgatory is somewhere between heaven and hell, then wouldn't this be it?

 

[lonelydude]

You aint dead dude, ur just not as alive as a person is meant to be. Its sad/depressing but its true. I just hope that itll pass soon...

 

[JustLost]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I don't plan on feeling like this forever. I'm going to get my life back even if it kills me.

I should have worded that last sentence differently.

BTW Skorian, I like your signature. I'm a big Conan/ Robert E. Howard fan. Have you solved the riddle of steel?

 

[tadetlugnt]

There was a moment in my life where I was sure that I was a very popular imaginary friend. I really don't think it's that crazy either.

 

[Skorian]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I don't plan on feeling like this forever. I'm going to get my life back even if it kills me.

I should have worded that last sentence differently.

BTW Skorian, I like your signature. I'm a big Conan/ Robert E. Howard fan. Have you solved the riddle of steel?

Been a long while since I have seen any Conan stuff, though I have a few movies. What is the riddle?

 

[JustLost]

Been a long while since I have seen any Conan stuff, though I have a few movies. What is the riddle?

Flesh is stronger than steel!

"What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart..."
- Thulsa Doom

Now when you die and go before Crom, you can answer the riddle and take your place in Valhalla.

 

[redwood]

Yah I feel that way all the time, when I go into the store and no one holds the door for me, or when people cut me off on the road like I am not even there... The problem here is not you although you are feeling the effects of it! The problem here is that everyone around you has chosen to cut themselves off from you because they feel numb as well. It's catching! Not to say that it is good that it is catching, it isn't! But I don't think your the problem if you are the one who is recognizing that you are indeed feeling dead. What you need to do is reach out to others, and if you are already doing that keep it up. If you are not then do start too... You really need to feel connected to others to start to feel alive again! You feel dead because your not connected, not by your own choice, but simply because a lot of people in this world choose to not want to connect for more reasons than I could possibly list here. The thing is not to give up! There are still some people that are alive and care you just have to find them! It's a difficult road but keep riding it, you will eventually find some one not numb that cares...

 

[Skorian]

Been a long while since I have seen any Conan stuff, though I have a few movies. What is the riddle?

Flesh is stronger than steel!

"What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart..."
- Thulsa Doom

Now when you die and go before Crom, you can answer the riddle and take your place in Valhalla.

Ah yes, now I remember. That ******* that made that woman jump to her death.

 

[JustLost]

Yah I feel that way all the time, when I go into the store and no one holds the door for me, or when people cut me off on the road like I am not even there... The problem here is not you although you are feeling the effects of it! The problem here is that everyone around you has chosen to cut themselves off from you because they feel numb as well. It's catching! Not to say that it is good that it is catching, it isn't! But I don't think your the problem if you are the one who is recognizing that you are indeed feeling dead. What you need to do is reach out to others, and if you are already doing that keep it up. If you are not then do start too... You really need to feel connected to others to start to feel alive again! You feel dead because your not connected, not by your own choice, but simply because a lot of people in this world choose to not want to connect for more reasons than I could possibly list here. The thing is not to give up! There are still some people that are alive and care you just have to find them! It's a difficult road but keep riding it, you will eventually find some one not numb that cares...

I've tried to reach out to others, but I generally end up missing and falling flat on my face.

Take this place for example... I've posted over 200 messages and I doubt very seriously if anyone can remember a single thing I've said. I find that to be pathetically funny.

I'm just a shadow in the corner of the people's eye. The more I try to get closer to the living, the farther away I get. This isn't a life, it's a haunting.

 

[Incognita]

aw...sorry about that..

I usually just skim through posts sometimes when i dont have time
I remember seeing ur name a lot.

honestly...i kinda checked ur profile coupla times too