am i going to hell hopeless?

[ztyu123]

[font=Helvetica, Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "fira sans", "droid sans", sans-serif]Am I going to hell because I try to stand up for myself and my life and the decisions I'm going to make in regards to my healthcare at almost 40 years old against a verbally abusive narcissistic mother and family members? I have been in foster care since I was 8 years old , in and out of group homes since then. at 10 I went to a foster family who physically and verbally abused me and made me caretaker of their kids ages 2 and 3 for the entire year and a half , daily that I stayed there. I was finally removed and was placed into the home that I currently am at age 11 and I'm still here because I chose to stay to take care of the lady that took me in because she's almost 90 now. Ever since I've been here I have been putting up with verbal abuse and they're highly narcissistic do as I say not as I do attitude. from her and her whole family. In addition to the verbal abuse they subjected me to because I have my own opinion about everything, they have always been emotionally negligent. I have been here for almost 30 years and not one of them have taken the time out to learn anything about me or even have a conversation with me. Conversations are transactional and usually in reference to their mother. She has even called me dumb, lacking common sense, blamed me for her being in the hospital when I was 15, blames me for the house not being clean enough despite me cleaning daily all day long, told me that I was overreacting to a handyman making sexual remarks towards me and making me uncomfortable, (still hires him), tells me that I'm overreacting to someone threatening to **** me and kill me when they get out of prison (still says that even though its been 6 years later and I'm uncomfortable because they live down the street from me) the list goes on and on. including throwing out all my personal belongings and laughing at me for having panic attacks, also whenever I try to express my opinion or something they don't agree with its always "I don't know how your mother put up with you, I can see why you have no friends or husband because someone would kill you) but recently, I told them that I wasn't going to get vaccinated now until I talk to my doctor to see if I can get the shot( i have severe heart problems) and even then I may not get the shot until I am comfortable. they even went out of their way to schedule an appointment for me to get it without my consent, they keep "insisting "that their way is the right way. She and her family are using emotional gaslighting against me. "If you really cared about me you would get it to save me."(I've given up my entire life here and opportunities to stay here to take care of her) I told her that I never felt cared about by any of them and she said " Well maybe if you didn't stay up in your room, or isolate yourself maybe they would have." They're on the phone with each other now calling my healthcare providers and everything acting like I haven't said no. Am I going to hell for standing up for myself this time, for once in my life, or should I just cave in? at this point, they're probably going to kick me out, I have no place to go or no other money because all the time that I was here all of my money went towards bills here, I have not been able to save any. Should i just leave and go to a shelter or hotel because its obvious they've never really cared about me or loved me either. How do i not feel guilty and obligated to stay and oblige because i feel like im going to hell if i leave? how do i start to feel confident and self esteem for myself when i have felt unloved and neglected all of my life? plus ive been ***** and molested since i was a baby.. 30 times that i am aware of .. maybe more since i don't remember as a baby[/font]

 

[Finished]

Wow! I'm so sorry that you have had to go through all of that. My first reaction is to get the hell out of there because it's a toxic environment. But, that's me, not you. That is your home. IMO, it's helpful to know what your options are. I don't think they can just kick you out. You could technically be considered a renter since you have been paying bills and taking care of the women. If you have any receipts for any payments you made that helps. Keep those handy. It might be a good idea to call the local police department, not 911, and ask them if they can kick you out or not. Ask to speak to a public information officer. That person might be able to put you in contact with others that can help you. You don't need to take any action if you don't want to. Just get information so you know what your options are.

Now, are you going to hell because you are standing up for yourself? No. Will those other people that have tortured you? Yes, probably. The first time you stand up to bullies, that's what they are, is the most difficult. They expect you to cave in and do what they insist you do. But, your an adult and it's your decision.

Also, do you know if the woman has put you in her will? She may leave her house to you. She may be mad at her family. She may feel obligated to keep you in her home after she dies. Do you think that's a possibility? IMO, it's something you should try to find out. That would probably change your decisions.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You are definitely not going to hell. There's no reason that you would, when you are only trying to stand up for yourself to bullies and toxic people.

As for kicking you out, I don't know where you live, but if you are in America and you do not own the place, they definitely can, but they would have to give you 30 days notice. Now that might seem good for you, but you also have to consider that their treatment of you would likely get worse if they wanted you out immediately.

As for what you should do, I suppose that depends on how you would like to be treated. You need to realize that you paid your due and you don't owe these people anything. They have abused you since day one, and yet you still feel that you owe them something. That sounds to me like Stockholm Syndrome. Is this really how you want to live? I would say get out of there as soon as possible, even if that means going to a shelter, because they will be much more comfortable for you in terms of how you are treated. You can and will get your own life back and be comfortable with yourself and get out on top if that's what you want. You just have to take the first step and believe in yourself, believe that you are worth it...and you are worth it.

In terms of what Finished said about her will. I wouldn't even worry about that or even consider it. That may be the house you know and have been in, but it's not your home, all it holds is bad memories and abuse.

 

[mgill]

i think the real question is why do you believe there is a literal hell in the first place?

 

[TheRealCallie]

i think the real question is why do you believe there is a literal hell in the first place?

How is that even relevant?  It's funny, though, that you seem to be doing exactly what you accuse me of doing....

 

[mgill]

because since there is no hell, there is no reason to worry about going there.

i think there is a world of difference between belief in something which is supported by countless studies along with direct personal experience (of myself and several others on this board) and belief in the supernatural-for which there has never been a single shred of empirical evidence of.

 

[TheRealCallie]

because since there is no hell, there is no reason to worry about going there.

i think there is a world of difference between belief in something which is supported by countless studies along with direct personal experience (of myself and several others on this board) and belief in the supernatural-for which there has never been a single shred of empirical evidence of.

It's called faith for a reason.  
Has there been evidence that it's not real?

 

[Sir Joseph]

Ztyu123, that is quite a troubling life you've revealed here and no quick simple answer is going to straighten things out for you.  None the less, I'll offer my perspective and a prayer for you.

I don't know if you're serious about the damnation risk or just trying to make a point.  IF though, you have any possible belief in an afterlife and place of punishment, I'd suggest that you only foster that thought if it's based upon a valid religious belief.  There are several religions posturing an afterlife and place of punishment, yet they can't all be right since they have opposing views.  That means either they're all wrong, or one's right and the others are wrong.  In any case, the path to any potential place we'd call hell varies, depending on which religion you choose.

I'd suggest that Christianity is the only one true faith because of its apologetic features setting it apart from all other man-made religions.  I'll spare everyone here and not detail that presumption, but if that be the case, then here's the answer to your primary question:

We're all guilty of unrighteousness in God's eyes, and no amount of good works will save us from hell. We're saved by the work of Christ on the cross and our acceptance of him as our Lord and Savior.  In other words, we're saved by our relationship with Jesus, not by what we do.  What we do, or our works, is a life time sanctification process that occurs after we're saved.  So, your eternal soul's fate isn't determined by how nice you treat your adopted family members; it's determine by your relationship status with God.

Moving on to the other big issue, I'm surprised that you've tolerated such a toxic living environment for so long.  Is it from financial dependency upon them, unconditional love, or conscience feelings of obligation?  I wouldn't comment further on right solutions without knowing more about these things, but I will finish with this:

If you can manage a job or income source that allows you to strike out on your own as others suggest, you needn't feel guilt for doing so.  You might even be able to improve the family relationships by changing the living environment for all parties involved.

If you're committed or stuck there, I'd remind you that Christians, besides being saved, build up treasures in heaven with their good works.  If you're giving care and respect and getting abuse back, then such unconditional love and humbleness will be highly rewarded for you in heaven.  You want to be there to appreciate it, so whether you stay or leave, focus on your relationship with Jesus.

 

[mgill]

because since there is no hell, there is no reason to worry about going there.

i think there is a world of difference between belief in something which is supported by countless studies along with direct personal experience (of myself and several others on this board) and belief in the supernatural-for which there has never been a single shred of empirical evidence of.

It's called faith for a reason.  
Has there been evidence that it's not real?

is faith really a cogent method to use to interpret reality?   one can believe anything based on faith and many of these claims are contradictory.  there are many religions with very different versions of hell (and many with no belief in a hell), so which is correct?  even members of the same religion have vastly different opinions on how the world works based on their theology.  a quick google search showed that there are at least 200 christian denominations in the US alone and perhaps as many 45,000 world wide.

that's not the way logic works.  it's not possible to prove something is untrue (see Russell's teapot analogy for a great example of this) so instead it's up to the person making the claim to provide the evidence.  do you have evidence that fairies, unicorns and leprechauns do not exist.  do you believe that they do?

 

[ardour]

because since there is no hell, there is no reason to worry about going there.

i think there is a world of difference between belief in something which is supported by countless studies along with direct personal experience (of myself and several others on this board) and belief in the supernatural-for which there has never been a single shred of empirical evidence of.

It's called faith for a reason.  
Has there been evidence that it's not real?

 Do you like the idea of your dead relatives being there? Or worshipping a petty and cruel being who would send people there? I know I don't.
 
Historically the concept of eternal punishment was used to enforce societal rules (God is watching you even if you're alone). Hell is used to control people.

 

[TheRealCallie]

because since there is no hell, there is no reason to worry about going there.

i think there is a world of difference between belief in something which is supported by countless studies along with direct personal experience (of myself and several others on this board) and belief in the supernatural-for which there has never been a single shred of empirical evidence of.

It's called faith for a reason.  
Has there been evidence that it's not real?

 Do you like the idea of your dead relatives being there? Or worshipping a petty and cruel being who would send people there? I know I don't.
 
Historically the concept of eternal punishment was used to enforce societal rules (God is watching you even if you're alone). Hell is used to control people.

I'm not about to debate my beliefs on open forum or continue to hijack this thread for a theological discussion.  Feel free to PM me if you really want to know.