Am I not good enough for casual ***?

[MiguelMS]

I am a 20 year old man looking foward to enter the dating scene, my goal is to have casual *** regularly. In order to achieve that I plan on creating a Tinder profile and going to clubs, bars and so on. I don´t have any problem facing rejection but I do have a problem with a certain kind of rejection, let me explain: If I am rejected because the girl in question is not looking for the same thing I am perfectly fine with it. What I hate is the possibility of being the rejected becasue I am "not good enough"."not manly enough""not tall enough" and things like that. I hate the idea of  a 1 to 10 attractiveness scale where only "top tier men" get all the *** they want and the rest, even if they are cute, don´t get *** outside a long term relationship. Even if the girl in question understands that is subjective still bothers me. I try to be as attractive as possible and treat women with respect. Needless to say I am always upfront about my intentions. I really do care about my possible *** partners. But is it really true the existence of "top tier men"? It really bothers me that it exist and that I might not be part of them. Can I become one of them despite being short (5´8)?. I am talking exclusively about physical attractiveness.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So, you want a supermodel who will **** anything that moves?
Sounds perfectly reasonable.  

Seriously, I'm pretty sure everyone knows that tinder is mostly for people who want to ****.  Which means, they are most likely going to shallow and judgy as ****.  But you'll probably do well in bars and whatnot.

 

[user 139760]

Well...that's a weird type of approach to it lol.
Alright, I'm not expert, I don't really believe in casual *** (anymore). I'm a bit too sensitive for that. Nevertheless, relationships, even those only intent on *** being the objective, are subjective. In the sense that yes, necessarily, your height may play against you, at least initially when meeting someone. BUT, I believe attractiveness to be a whole, not based on any single criteria. As such, if you are an attractive man, confident man, who takes care of himself and while being very forward with his intentions as well as being very respectful, you won't have many problems with potential partners.
However, if your goal is, for lack of a better expression, "quantity over quality" if I may be so bold, just by sheer numbers you will NECESSARILY find yourself rejected in at least some cases in the way you fear. Just because I believe it to be simple a mathmathical equation; the more partners you have, the greater the chance of one meeting, while being nice on paper, to simply "not work out". Some poeple react differently to that. Some will understand it happens, but others WILL put it on you.
You have to be prepared to deal with such rejection and remain convinced it is not necessarily a reflection of you, while still remaining open to the fact that you might have to modify your approach accordingly.
Is this making any sense?
Anyway, "top tier men" is not a way I would describe it. Attraction is subjective enough that anyone could become that, with the necessary "it" factor.

 

[MiguelMS]

Well...that's a weird type of approach to it lol.
Alright, I'm not expert, I don't really believe in casual *** (anymore). I'm a bit too sensitive for that. Nevertheless, relationships, even those only intent on *** being the objective, are subjective. In the sense that yes, necessarily, your height may play against you, at least initially when meeting someone. BUT, I believe attractiveness to be a whole, not based on any single criteria. As such, if you are an attractive man, confident man, who takes care of himself and while being very forward with his intentions as well as being very respectful, you won't have many problems with potential partners.
However, if your goal is, for lack of a better expression, "quantity over quality" if I may be so bold, just by sheer numbers you will NECESSARILY find yourself rejected in at least some cases in the way you fear. Just because I believe it to be simple a mathmathical equation; the more partners you have, the greater the chance of one meeting, while being nice on paper, to simply "not work out". Some poeple react differently to that. Some will understand it happens, but others WILL put it on you.
You have to be prepared to deal with such rejection and remain convinced it is not necessarily a reflection of you, while still remaining open to the fact that you might have to modify your approach accordingly.
Is this making any sense?
Anyway, "top tier men" is not a way I would describe it. Attraction is subjective enough that anyone could become that, with the necessary "it" factor.

I just don´t want to feel "less than" in sexual terms

---

So, you want a supermodel who will **** anything that moves?
Sounds perfectly reasonable.  

Seriously, I'm pretty sure everyone knows that tinder is mostly for people who want to ****.  Which means, they are most likely going to shallow and judgy as ****.  But you'll probably do well in bars and whatnot.

Why do you assume I only look for supermodels? Why do you assume I am just something that moves? Here is the problem, WWhy do I have to feel inferior than the women I want to be in bed with?

 

[user 139760]

I just don´t want to feel "less than" in sexual terms

It does happen. I mean, I've had perhaps, let me think...around 10 different partners in my life. Far from being an Apollo lol.
Of that, two of those relationships didn't go very well and one of them, after a one night, literally laughed out of the room. It happens.
My other girlfriends latter told me I had absolutely nothing to worry about in that respect, but...it still shakes someone's confidence. And it happens. No MATTER who you are. "Top tier men" will also have this problem if they decide to become playboys, it's, as they say, part of the game.
So if that is something you decide to do, you HAVE to steel yourself for that reaction and not take it personally. Not obvious. Part of the reason I don't believe in casuals anymore. A lot of that in those types of relationships. There's always someone better to, so it is an unfair comparison. But people are unfair lol.

 

[ShyNLonely]

When I read topics like this one .... I'm ashamed of being a boy.

 

[MiguelMS]

When I read topics like this one .... I'm ashamed of being a boy.

Why?

 

[TheRealCallie]

So, you want a supermodel who will **** anything that moves?
Sounds perfectly reasonable.  

Seriously, I'm pretty sure everyone knows that tinder is mostly for people who want to ****.  Which means, they are most likely going to shallow and judgy as ****.  But you'll probably do well in bars and whatnot.

Why do you assume I only look for supermodels? Why do you assume I am just something that moves? Here is the problem, WWhy do I have to feel inferior than the women I want to be in bed with?

Because you are talking strictly about physical attractiveness.  Usually when a guy (or a girl) makes a post like you do, they want these awesome gorgeous women to be the one to "settle" (for lack of a better term, using that because that's the term some men use).

Because "**** anything that moves" is nicer than saying the woman is a whore, but okay fine, you don't move. 

Because you make yourself inferior.  You have already decided you are.  What type of women are you trying for, how are you approaching them, etc etc etc?  We can't really give you answers because we don't know the whole story.

 

[MiguelMS]

So, you want a supermodel who will **** anything that moves?
Sounds perfectly reasonable.  

Seriously, I'm pretty sure everyone knows that tinder is mostly for people who want to ****.  Which means, they are most likely going to shallow and judgy as ****.  But you'll probably do well in bars and whatnot.

Why do you assume I only look for supermodels? Why do you assume I am just something that moves? Here is the problem, WWhy do I have to feel inferior than the women I want to be in bed with?

Because you are talking strictly about physical attractiveness.  Usually when a guy (or a girl) makes a post like you do, they want these awesome gorgeous women to be the one to "settle" (for lack of a better term, using that because that's the term some men use).

Because "**** anything that moves" is nicer than saying the woman is a whore, but okay fine, you don't move. 

Because you make yourself inferior.  You have already decided you are.  What type of women are you trying for, how are you approaching them, etc etc etc?  We can't really give you answers because we don't know the whole story.

I try to meet women who I find attractive ( not interested in supermodels, I actually find A LOT of girls attractive ) that are on the same page as me. Even If I were really picky I consider myself to be desirable so I am not asking anyone to "settle". I don´t think and don´t want to be inferior in that department. I didn´t approach anyone yet. I just finished my exams and I am tired of being lonely and horny and I hate the idea of trying to get laid to be something out of my reach because I am a man or whatever.
Maybe the supermodel should be the one feeling lucky to be with me why not?

 

[TheRealCallie]

So you have no idea what is going to happen, you are just assuming what is going to happen?

I don't believe in "leagues," people are people, there is no tiers or leagues or "she/he is better/worse than me" ********. It's all ********. The only thing there is is different levels of personal opinion. Every individual person is going to find something different attractive. You already mentioned tier ******** and make it sound like you weren't "top tier," so it sounds like your attitude and negativity is going to be your biggest obstacle.

 

[MiguelMS]

So you have no idea what is going to happen, you are just assuming what is going to happen?  

I don't believe in "leagues," people are people, there is no tiers or leagues or "she/he is better/worse than me" ********.  It's all ********. The only thing there is is different levels of personal opinion.  Every individual person is going to find something different attractive.  You already mentioned tier ******** and make it sound like you weren't "top tier," so it sounds like your attitude and negativity is going to be your biggest obstacle.

I assume I am not part of this imaginary big league because no woman has ever thrown herself at me and that makes me feel bad.
What kind of minset should I have in your view ?

 

[TheRealCallie]

So you have no idea what is going to happen, you are just assuming what is going to happen?  

I don't believe in "leagues," people are people, there is no tiers or leagues or "she/he is better/worse than me" ********.  It's all ********. The only thing there is is different levels of personal opinion.  Every individual person is going to find something different attractive.  You already mentioned tier ******** and make it sound like you weren't "top tier," so it sounds like your attitude and negativity is going to be your biggest obstacle.

I assume I am not part of this imaginary big league because no woman has ever  thrown herself at me and that makes me feel bad.
What kind of minset should I have in your view ?

I'm sorry, you are judging this on the basis that a women has not jumped on your and torn off your clothes, so to speak?  Wow. 

Maybe you should have the mindset that YOU HAVE NOT TRIED, therefore you do not know.  Until you do try, how about not jumping to conclusions.  And you might want to work on your attitude a bit, women can sense negativity.  You've basically gotten the mindset that you've failed without even trying.  That's not the best way to start out.

 

[MiguelMS]

So you have no idea what is going to happen, you are just assuming what is going to happen?  

I don't believe in "leagues," people are people, there is no tiers or leagues or "she/he is better/worse than me" ********.  It's all ********. The only thing there is is different levels of personal opinion.  Every individual person is going to find something different attractive.  You already mentioned tier ******** and make it sound like you weren't "top tier," so it sounds like your attitude and negativity is going to be your biggest obstacle.

I assume I am not part of this imaginary big league because no woman has ever  thrown herself at me and that makes me feel bad.
What kind of minset should I have in your view ?

I'm sorry, you are judging this on the basis that a women has not jumped on your and torn off your clothes, so to speak?  Wow. 

Maybe you should have the mindset that YOU HAVE NOT TRIED, therefore you do not know.  Until you do try, how about not jumping to conclusions.  And you might want to work on your attitude a bit, women can sense negativity.  You've basically gotten the mindset that you've failed without even trying.  That's not the best way to start out.

There is a video on youtube of a guy walking around for 3 hours in new york receiving lots of complments, stares and so on. 
i have never been in ny and to be honest the guy was wearing a very tigh shirt that I wouldn´t  wear myself. But the thing is that never happened to me therefore I assume I might not be in a good position to have lots of *** and being considered really attractive as that guy.

 

[Xpendable]

-Points for honesty, nothing wrong with being clear.
-Sadly, there are leagues. They are not very clear but they exist.
-Barely anyone is good enough for casual ***. Meaning it must be an immediate reaction between two people and for that you need looks.
-Take with a grain of salt anything a woman says to you about her opinions on dating. Be guided for what they do; it's much more accurate.

 

[user 115627]

What he was saying is that no woman has shown any sexual interest in him based on his physical attractiveness in combination with "vibes" alone. Which is the average man's fate, frankly speaking. I think we're well aware a woman does not commonly tear a man's clothes off in public unless she has contracted a brain-deteriorating disease.

Miguel, do you have any experience with dating at all? Cause it does not sound like it. So aiming to have "casual *** regularly" does not seem to an ideal goal for a starter, even when using Tinder as a helper. Some people are good enough for casual AND regular ***, but they will have to try hard to achieve anything at all. There are people who will have an easier time because they just got the right cards (objectively good-looking, socially fluent, confident etc.) Bars and clubs seem to be a better idea, but you still need to be able to engage in small talk while also making your intentions clear.

A more fundamental question: Why did you set yourself that goal? You said you are horny and lonely but why is casual *** the solution for this? Or another angle: Is the horny part more important than the lonely part? Cause it would seem like the horny part motivates the goal of casual ***.

Why do you assume I only look for supermodels? Why do you assume I am just something that moves? Here is the problem, WWhy do I have to feel inferior than the women I want to be in bed with?

Because you are talking strictly about physical attractiveness.  Usually when a guy (or a girl) makes a post like you do, they want these awesome gorgeous women to be the one to "settle" (for lack of a better term, using that because that's the term some men use).

"Usually?" But I thought we are all individuals... *insert canned laughter*

 

[user 139760]

What he was saying is that no woman has shown any sexual interest in him based on his physical attractiveness in combination with "vibes" alone. Which is the average man's fate, frankly speaking. I think we're well aware a woman does not commonly tear a man's clothes off in public unless she has contracted a brain-deteriorating disease.

Or she's suffering from accute hypothermia and is seeking warmth as quickly as possible.
But I'll relent, it doesn't happen that often.
I think you should include confidence, attitude and other subliminal, well maybe not subliminal, subtle things, like glances, hand-gestures, posture, etc. They aren't looks per say but contribute to it. One well-placed meaningful glances can say much more than the most powerful biceps in the world.


Are we seriously starting this? I hate sitcoms, the characters are stereotypical and anything ends up being funny.
Poop head.

*Canned laughter*

 

[MiguelMS]

What he was saying is that no woman has shown any sexual interest in him based on his physical attractiveness in combination with "vibes" alone. Which is the average man's fate, frankly speaking. I think we're well aware a woman does not commonly tear a man's clothes off in public unless she has contracted a brain-deteriorating disease.

Miguel, do you have any experience with dating at all? Cause it does not sound like it. So aiming to have "casual *** regularly" does not seem to an ideal goal for a starter, even when using Tinder as a helper. Some people are good enough for casual AND regular ***, but they will have to try hard to achieve anything at all. There are people who will have an easier time because they just got the right cards (objectively good-looking, socially fluent, confident etc.) Bars and clubs seem to be a better idea, but you still need to be able to engage in small talk while also making your intentions clear.

A more fundamental question: Why did you set yourself that goal? You said you are horny and lonely but why is casual *** the solution for this? Or another angle: Is the horny part more important than the lonely part? Cause it would seem like the horny part motivates the goal of casual ***.

Why do you assume I only look for supermodels? Why do you assume I am just something that moves? Here is the problem, WWhy do I have to feel inferior than the women I want to be in bed with?

Because you are talking strictly about physical attractiveness.  Usually when a guy (or a girl) makes a post like you do, they want these awesome gorgeous women to be the one to "settle" (for lack of a better term, using that because that's the term some men use).

"Usually?" But I thought we are all individuals... *insert canned laughter*

I don´t have experience dating at all. When I was 15 went to a party with my classmates. I made out with two girls that night, one of them was my crush. The next day I asked her out and she rejected me ( what hurt the most was the look in her freinds´s face, like saying "this guy??"). From 15 to 19 I made out with a few more in clubs. I ****** with a few escorts at 17( I know is not a good move but it felt great at the moment and it served me to get over with it). I have been focused on my studies and other things in my life. Now at 20 I believe I have sorted out myself quite well, I know what I want in life.

 

[Xpendable]

You sound extremely neurotypical; you'll be fine. You won't be sleeping with 3 women every week because if that was the case, you wouldn't be asking about it. You will probably have normal relationships.

 

[MiguelMS]

You sound extremely neurotypical; you'll be fine. You won't be sleeping with 3 women every week because if that was the case, you wouldn't be asking about it. You will probably have normal relationships.

Well the thing is how can I step up my level? How can I be part of the "highest league"? How to sleep with 3 girls every week?

Forget it, don´t respond. I know the kind of guy you are, the kind of guy who thinks everything is impossible better stay at home playing video games. Deep down you want the same as me. Let´s work hard ,do we have anything better to do???

 

[TheRealCallie]

You sound extremely neurotypical; you'll be fine. You won't be sleeping with 3 women every week because if that was the case, you wouldn't be asking about it. You will probably have normal relationships.

Well the thing is how can I step up my level? How can I be part of the "highest league"? How to sleep with 3 girls every week?

Forget it, don´t respond. I know the kind of guy you are, the kind of guy who thinks everything is impossible better stay at home playing video games. Deep down you want the same as me. Let´s work hard ,do we have anything better to do???

Stop worrying about leagues.  Stop worrying about what everyone else has.  Stop worrying about what you saw on YouTube.  Start worrying about yourself.  Don't set yourself up to fail, which is exactly what you are doing.  You know what all those guys that you keep talking about how that you don't?  CONFIDENCE, they know how to work what they have to their benefit.  I'm not talking about your height or your looks or whatever, but how you appear to women, how you come across to women.

But what do I know. I'm just a stupid woman, I should probably get back to the kitchen. Sandwiches won't make themselves, after all....