Men - do you feel yourself becoming an 'incel'?

[FlynnRyder]

There's picky and then there is reasonable.
Would you want to pair off with a Rosie O'Donnell lookalike?

This comment is offensive to me on so many levels.
If we are talking about Rosie O'Donnell today, whose fashion style combined with her physical features come off as very masculine, then yeah, as a cis hetero male, she wouldn't be my cup of tea. fortunately for her, she's not presenting herself in a way that's meant to attract men like me. good on her.
Now if we are talking about rosie o'donnell back in her heyday, when she was doing movies and a hit daytime talk show, that wouldn't be totally out of the ball park for me and a lot of other people. dude, she was on t.v. and if she was someone who is ghastly to look out, she wouldn't have been given the opportunities she had been given, at the time she was given, in the most cosmetically demanding profession in our society.
yes, she was plus size, but variety is the spice of life, there are big people, there are small people, and that's fine. not every female is going to be A list actress thin, and if your idea of beauty is just the barbie doll supermodels, I feel sorry for you (kind of), you're too far gone.
There's also another point about the dating experience that toxic masculinity tricks you into not realizing: women are human beings! There's a whole another experience dealing with a partner outside of just their physical features. People can have an aura about them that makes them attractive even they might be outside the ideal in the physical department. there's a thing called chemistry that works wonders for your enjoyment of a romantic partner.

 

[TheSkaFish]

The older I get, the more I think that we shouldn't shame each other for looks, men, women, anyone.

If you aren't attracted to a person, that is OK, but there is no need to act as though a person's looks offend you personally, and need to be responded to as if they were an insult.

(General "you" here, not calling out anyone in particular.)

Often times, a person can't do anything about their looks, it's just what you're born with.
You can do some things, style yourself, get a good hairdo, things like that.
But you can't easily change your face, or something along those lines.
And not everyone's metabolism is the same either, so it can be hard to lose (or in some cases, gain) weight.

I mean, I'm guilty of this as well.
In my teens, 20s and even when I got here, my thinking was not too unlike a "bro" -
I only wanted "the hot chicks", and the idea of being with anyone else, I took it almost like an offense.
I'm sure I made some off-color comments that were, not great to say the least.
But in time I changed my mind.
It was nothing to do with "giving up" or "lowering my standards".
It was everything to do with, a person growing on me because I realized they made me feel good and I cared for them.
I've fallen for women who, if I was just going on looks and nothing else, I might have missed.
And I've fallen for women just from talking, before I even know what they look like - even if sometimes they are outside what I think of as my physical "type".

TL;DR I am for less unnecessary meanness, in general. The world is plenty mean enough. Let's not add to it.

 

[ardour]

NM