lilE said:
I hate the fact that no one ever wants to be my friend or want anything to do with me, literally everyone. Things that I would have in common with people, spiritual, artistic, mental health, they all reject me. I think that if there were a group of rejects that formed a group together, I would be rejected by them. My own relatives ignore me and leave me out of things. It ******* pisses me off. The worst rejection I have ever felt was that as a friend, people not liking me at my core level as a person. It is ten times worse than romantic rejection.
All of that has happened to me too, including the part in bold. Yes, that actually happened. I got rejected out of the group of rejects I was hanging out with entirely pretty much for being more introverted than extroverted, more bookish than social, more willing to read than watch shows on Netflix semi-relating to our subculture.
Thankfully, I happen to be a stand-alone complex badass.
Sssooo in the fallout of me dealing with them as the toxic people that they became with little to no respect for me, I just stopped talking to them entirely. I forwardly told them that I would not be socially available due to personal factors relating to my life (which is true, but I don't like confrontation, so I intentionally dodged the bullet) and gave them my email to reach me at should they need to reach me.
I even know WHY they're like that, too.
They have a tendency to put themselves into a plethora of overwhelming situations that generate extremely high levels of anxiety.
The trouble is, I can't keep up with that kind of a thing socially. It's much too exhausting for me.
Also, I'm kind of fundamentally against trying to be something I'm not for the sake of "rolling with the pack."
I'm supposed to see them again at the end of the month...for the first time in like a year to a year-and-a-half.
I'll probably just off-shoot it. This one event that I'd already made a promise to be at, I'm going to uphold that, but I will not swear myself to any future endeavors. I just can't financially or psychologically handle going through the up and down of it all over again to appease the egos of other people. So, I've gotta do what I've gotta do, and I'm gonna kind of leave it at that.