Another bad day.

[M_also_lonely]

When a few guys of my class came to know that I like a girl, they advised me to tell her by writing a letter and putting in her bag. I was shocked because they never approach to talk to me. I thought they are helping me. So I wrote a letter saying I like you..And my name at the bottom and put it on her seat. When she came, she read it and came to me and started getting mad on me. She was angry and said I should not ask her out and I dont deserve a girlfriend and I am dumb and I am borign and I am not "BOYFRIEND MATERIAL" . And she will complain to the HOD. I cried and said sorry. But she left.



Then the guys who had told me that thing, came to me laughing and said, Dont ypu even know that what you did is wierd? Didn't you think before doing that? Then I cried again and they left.

Now she will never talk to me. I said sorry many times.

Why do I get into these situations?


Why didnt I know that I should do this and they knew?


What is this BOYFRIEND MATERIAL?? Where do I get it??

 

[Tiina63]

What a nasty, horrible thing to do to you. Your classmates sound like childish, pathetic bullies. To be honest, when such people suddenly start being extra nice, they usually have a hidden agenda and it is best not to trust them. You did not owe the girl an apology either-she was really rude to you when all you had done was let her know that you liked her. It isn't weird at all to write a note to someone you like.
I think that you get into such situations because you are a kind and trusting person who thinks the best of others and who expects others to treat you with the same courtesy and decency with which you treat them. Unfortunately this does not always happen.

 

[Triple Bogey]

When a few guys of my class came to know that I like a girl, they advised me to tell her by writing a letter and putting in her bag. I was shocked because they never approach to talk to me. I thought they are helping me. So I wrote a letter saying I like you..And my name at the bottom and put it on her seat. When she came, she read it and came to me and started getting mad on me. She was angry and said I should not ask her out and I dont deserve a girlfriend and I am dumb and I am borign and I am not "BOYFRIEND MATERIAL" . And she will complain to the HOD. I cried and said sorry. But she left.



Then the guys who had told me that thing, came to me laughing and said, Dont ypu even know that what you did is wierd? Didn't you think before doing that? Then I cried again and they left.

Now she will never talk to me. I said sorry many times.

Why do I get into these situations?


Why didnt I know that I should do this and they knew?


What is this BOYFRIEND MATERIAL?? Where do I get it??

Boyfriend material is just a term and only applies to the girl who you sent the note to. She might like taller guys or confident ones or whatever. It doesn't mean all girls think this way. Some other girls may like you.

You have just got to wise up. Wasn't it obvious the lads were playing a trick on you ? Getting you to write a note so they could have a good laugh about it. I wouldn't in the future tell anybody about girls you like. It isn't their business. Keep it to yourself.

 

[McDamned]

Yes agree with Tiina, those people arent worth the agony, not the guys from your class and not the girl. First off these guys thrive on your pain and discomfort it seems and secondly this girl has shown she is a very rude person, totally not someone worth even knowing and definately not someone you want to have a(ny) relationship with.

So please dont let them disturb you any further than they allready did and try to see them for what they truly are: not of any importance at all.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Its not about them, its about me. It doesnt matter how they are, I dont care. But why me? I dont want to know why do they do it to me, I want to know how to be a person who is respected bt others and the guy that girls like to talk with. Because she was not the only one behaving like this to me. Every girl behaves with me like this.

No, another girl may not like me as you said, Triple Bogey, because I have tried to talk to almost 1000 girls, and no one has ever smiled to me even its just a HI that I say. I have never felt how it feels when you talk properly with a girl or recieve smile from a girl.

 

[Danielle]

M,

I'm so sorry that that happened to you, and thank you for sharing that with us. I think school aged kids can really just be brutal and they don't know how badly it is hurting other people.

You should never say you are sorry to them, you should never worry what they think, and not worry what that girl thinks. I know you said you have talked to a bunch of different girls, but give it sometime. I know you would like someone to like you back and I know you deserved to be liked back. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.

Girls will come in their own time, people blossom at their own paces, and unfortuantly there will always be jerks out there.

What about trying some kind of group outside of school, like a community sport or theatre group..anything that is OUTSIDE the school and with a different bunch of kids than you have to deal with on a daily basis. You could really like it and meet some really great people.

I know all of this sucks right now, and big hugs to you ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))).
Tommorow is a new day and things don't stay the same forever.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Well maybe don't be so effacing, and if I were you I'd tell her to go ahead and report it to the HOD. That way you could report the actions of the boys and stick up for yourself.

It's disgusting but if you are extra kind, people like to take advantage and walk all over you. So you have to stand up for yourself.

I'm sorry this happened, but you also do sound a bit clingy, and have low self-esteem. People usually don't like that.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Its not about them, its about me. It doesnt matter how they are, I dont care. But why me? I dont want to know why do they do it to me, I want to know how to be a person who is respected bt others and the guy that girls like to talk with. Because she was not the only one behaving like this to me. Every girl behaves with me like this.

No, another girl may not like me as you said, Triple Bogey, because I have tried to talk to almost 1000 girls, and no one has ever smiled to me even its just a HI that I say. I have never felt how it feels when you talk properly with a girl or recieve smile from a girl.

I'm only trying to help. Maybe when you get older, women will be more nicer to you ?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Well maybe don't be so effacing, and if I were you I'd tell her to go ahead and report it to the HOD. That way you could report the actions of the boys and stick up for yourself.

This is a good idea. Even if the girl hasn't reported the incident yet, you could just report it yourself. Explain that you were tricked into doing something like this and didn't understand what they were doing. That way, they won't see you as the wrong party.

It's disgusting but if you are extra kind, people like to take advantage and walk all over you. So you have to stand up for yourself.

I'm sorry this happened, but you also do sound a bit clingy, and have low self-esteem. People usually don't like that.

I can confirm this. My school experience wasn't nearly this extreme, but I remember there were some problems because I was a little bit socially different than most people and I didn't really play sports or act like the other guys. But yeah. If you are nice, there are certain types of people that like to take advantage of you for no other reason than their own entertainment. Especially be careful of guys like you said, people who don't usually talk to you but suddenly want to "help" you. I remember being asked all these dumb questions, as people would try to get me to say embarrassing things because I didn't know all the slang and swears. The thing is, I wasn't interested in that. I liked being the way I was. I wish I'd stood up for myself more, but I didn't want to get in trouble for fighting. I agree that standing up for yourself is important - the more you do it, the more the bullies will know that messing with you isn't so much fun. And you will create the habit of viewing yourself as a strong, capable person instead of a victim.

Also, you asked about "boyfriend material". While the details vary from girl to girl, there are some general traits that seem to come up a lot. I'm not a girl obviously, but I can see what their boyfriends seem to have in common. First, you have to get your self-esteem higher. Most people seem to do this from being good at something, such as academics, sports, or artistic pursuits. They sort of "own" a certain area of life and make it a part of them.

If you think you are a loser, other people pick up on this and they will treat you like one, especially in the school age. Be careful how much you complain and who you complain to - people tend not to like complainers. I'm not calling you one, just saying from experience.

And the clingy thing - you have to be careful in telling someone how much you like them, especially early on. It's best not to act like you like them a lot too early, even if you do. Just be gradual about it.

That's about it though. Self-esteem, don't complain or make yourself look weak, and don't let someone know how much you like them until you are actually dating.

 

[BeyondShy]

M_also_lonely, read what Danielle said and remember it. It makes perfect sense. You did nothing wrong. Not one thing.

 

[Batman55]

Come on man. You know better than this.

Don't simply take any advice given to you in a literal way. The only time you do that is with people who are either good friends of yours, or otherwise you KNOW are trustworthy/humble/well-meaning. I've seen a lot of posts of yours now, and you seem to continually fall into obvious traps like this. I certainly understand the part about wanting to tell a pretty girl you like her--we've all been there--but you're going about it all wrong. The way to do that is to attempt small talk or chatting about basic things, and over time, you can tell if there is reciprocal interest or not. If there is, push it further. If not, politely withdraw.

Now for the part where you might be angry with me. At this point I wonder if you're playing a joke on us? In a sense I find it hard to believe some of these things. That all this has transpired exactly as you say... is beginning to look like a stretch. No offense, though. I tend to be a suspicious person anyway.

either way, best wishes.

 

[M_also_lonely]

What about trying some kind of group outside of school, like a community sport or theatre group..anything that is OUTSIDE the school.

Well, see people from my class and hostel dont invite me in thungs like party, or when they are going to eat. Like yestday I was having dinner at hostel and food was not good. So a guy sitting in front of me asked everyone around me to go to Subway, just not me. I dont like when they not call me And if I ask them to go, they say that their friends are not coming, so they dont come.

So if I make friends outside hostel, would I have to call them everytime I feel lonely?
It will be like having different home for your wife and your kids.When you want to talk to your wife, you go to her place and when kids you go to their place. Would you be happy????

---

Come on man. You know better than this.

In a sense I find it hard to believe some of these things.

either way, best wishes.

No problem, everyone does that to me, its not new for me. I now have a habit of being doubted. So you can....

 

[Batman55]

No problem, everyone does that to me, its not new for me. I now have a habit of being doubted. So you can....

Well I didn't mean to offend you. I think it's more likely that you're honest, in fact I can sometimes relate to your struggles.

But I think it's more important that you re-read and try to assimilate the advice I had for you, as well as that of others here. Your path is going to be different from most, you just have to accept that you will need to make small, incremental improvements over time.

It's not a stretch for me to say that most people--possible even the average person--are "social geniuses." It comes easy for them for one reason or other.. for some, like you and I, it never has come easy. So.. no use in forcing the issue, and embarrassing yourself constantly. Work SLOWLY and make wise decisions. That's your only choice.

 

[M_also_lonely]

I still wonder how and where do I start my improvement. Somebody here calls me honest, someone calls me talented, somebody calls me sensible. If I have these things, and I am always rejected, then it means that these things are of no meaning.

That means no one around me cares how honest I may be. So you mean honesty is of no value. Becsuse if it would be, then going to college wouldn't be a challenge for me everyday. Why doesnt anybody see that honesty in me and respect it???????

 

[lmph8885]

Reading you reminds me of myself some years ago. If I could go back in time, I would just stay away from those bullies that abused me and only approach the people that are actually worth something. As they told you before, when bullies become very nice they usually have no good intentions. I hope you learned this lesson now and not do anything they tell you to do next time. Those type of people are cowards, they act in groups, preying for lonely people to victimise just to feel better with themselves and show their "supremacy". However, these people can't do anything on their own. We lonely people develop that independence that they never achieve. In the future, those bullies will probably never change. I have seen it when I reencounter them sometimes, still acting as if they are better than me. At least I moved on whereas they still have their pathetic closed minded mentality. They never grew up. And that girl you mentioned, hmmm I can picture her in a few years. Probably marrying an ***** who doesn't value her, an ***** just like her. Then she will start complaining about him without realising her own choices put her in that spot.

What kind of girls do you talk to? They say that if you do the same thing all the time, you will obviously always get the same answer. Are they the cheerleading type? I understand that you must feel attracted to a person in order to like him/her, but are you sure you are looking for the right kind of girl? How could you like a girl that treated you and acted like she did? She sounds horrible. Is it because of her pretty face? I think you should focus a bit more in the personality of the girl and make sure she is nice enough to respect you. Trust me, not all girls are the same, some at your age are mature and nice, I know it. You could look for a girl you personally find reasonably attractive (according to your standards, not the ones of most people), and also, someone you find nice and warm. Then maybe you could make your move. If she does reject you, don't let that put you down. If she is nice she will do it in a respectful way. In that case, just continue looking, not everyone has to like you and fall for your charms. That is life.

 

[Batman55]

I still wonder how and where do I start my improvement. Somebody here calls me honest, someone calls me talented, somebody calls me sensible. If I have these things, and I am always rejected, then it means that these things are of no meaning.

That means no one around me cares how honest I may be. So you mean honesty is of no value. Becsuse if it would be, then going to college wouldn't be a challenge for me everyday. Why doesnt anybody see that honesty in me and respect it???????

Honesty counts for a lot of things, but by itself, I don't think it gives you any advantage in terms of dating/romance. Women will, at first, look for things like humor, edginess, confidence, fitness/physique, etc. Honesty may be important to some girls.. but it's not a trait that "stands out," unfortunately.

Some of the above-mentioned things are hard to get, if you don't have them naturally. Some can be learned. Some are things virtually any guy can do: for example, working out in a gym. A nice physique is better than a crappy one. It sounds simple and redundant, but it rings true. The idea is to cover for deficiencies by doing those things you CAN do, and forgetting about the things you can't. Make the surface look good so you stand out a little, then things like honesty, and such, will start to count for you.