anxiety.. again

[Wayfarer]

Hello, please bear with me for a little while. I know I have already written a few threads about this problem I have but I hope you can help me once again.

From time to time I experience anxiety and even panic attacks. These happen usually either when there's a lot of people in a limited space around me or when I feel pressured about something I'm doing/have to do.

To elaborate further, they are not a result of any negative thoughts, but they are feelings I experience and may also happen at times for no clear reason.

One particular episode happened yesterday at the post office. I was already a bit panicky when I entered as there were many people. I had to fill in a form but didn't know how to. (I'll add that everyone else knows how to, maybe even kids) I wanted to ask one of the workers there for help but he was rude and I couldn't speak up. So I moved to a less crowded space to try and do my best at it. I looked up on my phone how to do it, while two people were laughing at me because they somehow overheard the whole thing and understood what was happening. I did my best to ignore them, while my hands were shaking as I wrote. I went and gave the form to the worker, who didn't tell me there were some mistakes.
I also had to send a package (and don't know how to, btw) but was feeling so bad I decided to come back another day.

Now this was just an example. Another one is that I almost can't even talk with my classmates at uni and they surely do their best to ignore me.

I'll add that I'm doing what I think it's my best to get out of my comfort zone but I'd like to know if any of you has some further way to make my improvement faster, as right now it's not going that well.
I also want to point out that I am able to suppress negative thoughts and fears and have already tried getting more relaxed when in these situations.

Please, help. Thanks for reading.

 

[Volt]

Heey, great that you were able to write this down and put yourself in a vulnerable position. That takes courage.

I don't have much thoughts that might help but i'll share the ones that i have. You mention you're suppressing your negative thoughts and feelings. That sounds tiring. For me personally it helps alot more to not suppress those thoughts, but accept that they are there. Accept them, but don't let them shape you, as they will overwhelm you then.

 

[kamya]

You give too many *****.

 

[ladyforsaken]

You give too many *****.

What are you trying to say?

 

[Tiina63]

The one at fault is the worker in the post office. It was his job to help you with the form. Even if the form would have seemed easy to some people, this is beside the point. All of us have difficulties with certain things which others might find simple. You were a customer and had the right to ask for help.

 

[ladyforsaken]

The ways that Wayfarer mentioned, getting yourself relaxed and getting out of your comfort zone helped curb the anxiety in some ways for me. Forcing myself into uncomfortable situations, situations that made me shy or anxious, forced myself to show some confidence... it actually helped me. And the more I put myself out there and out of my comfort zone, the easier it got and the better I get with time.

Of course it took me years to curb it.. I still have some anxiety around people, believe it or not. I work in the customer service line and I have to talk to clients all day long, make stupid small talk (not my favourite thing to do but I have to do it anyway brrr) and it does get easier. I used to have a hard time trying to think of what to say.. now it just flows easily... despite the anxiety still being there.

I'm sorry I don't have any other suggestions for you, Way. I hope others can provide you with other ways to deal with this problem. Best of luck.

 

[coffeeaddict]

You can try deep breathing techniques and journaling your feelings. There are also anti-anxiety medications but they do cause forgetfulness. Gradual exposure to the type of situations that give you anxiety will help build your tolerance to them and give you better coping skills in time.

 

[kamya]

You give too many *****.

What are you trying to say?

I just meant that he's worried way too much about what other people think. Worried way too much about appearing ignorant or stupid.

It's ok to not know how to do something. No one is born knowing how to send mail.
And the postal people are there to help you fill things out if you don't know how. They aren't going to care and they will probably forget about you the second you walk away from them.

It sounds like low self worth. Low self esteem that's causing the anxiety. But what do I know. Stop giving a **** about looking stupid and speak up if you need help. Don't just let situations happen to you.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I believe in Wayfarer's case, he did try not to give a **** about them. The fact that he still filled in the form with his hands shaking while people laughed at him shows how much he did try to ignore those people. I don't think the problem is him giving too many ***** about things. The problem is anxiety... which could perhaps stem from fear of certain things or even giving too many *****. But I think Way's a little past that... he seems to be asking for help on how to improve further I believe. Correct me if I'm wrong, Way.

 

[BreakingtheGirl]

I also have bad anxiety, especially when having to do everyday tasks like just getting out of my car to get one thing from the grocery store and going to the post office. I had been mailing care packages out to my old boyfriend for the last few months, who is deployed overseas, so filing out a customs form the 1st time was nerve wracking to me. The 1st time I was very anxious because there is ALWAYS a line at my 3 local post offices no matter what time of the day it is.
I was so nervous trying to find what form I needed & what the prices on boxes I could send, that I waited in line for 15 mins for them to just point to the counter everything was at. I felt embarrassed but just kept telling myself "these people don't give a sh*t. They want to mail their stuff & continue their day...that's all". Then I was anxious because the post office clerk has to ask all these questions about what's inside the package, anything prohibited, correcting my mistakes, etc.
Plus, some idiots are just nosy & looking at the addresses I'm writing or looking at what I'm doing. That pisses me off bad. Now I just take the forms & fill them out in my car or take a bunch to do at home first.

I know how you're feeling. What helps me is googling everything I need to know beforehand. I googled for hrs on how to fill out the overseas custom forms & the procedures of mailing my care packages & what to expect. Or even calling stores to make sure they have the item I'm going to pick up & the price of it just so I don't get anxious looking for it when I get there. I know that lessened my anxiety a lot, but actually going into the P.O. is the hard part. Many times just getting out of my car to do any errand is difficult. Just mentally tell yourself "Just f*cking do it & it will be over!" I find yelling at myself like a bootcamp drill sergeant or like The Terminator (lol) helps not give a f*ck when I have bad anxiety. Mentally talk to yourself to calm you or kick your butt into action. Do anything that will help you no matter how foolish you think it is *hugs*

 

[kamya]

Plus, some idiots are just nosy & looking at the addresses I'm writing or looking at what I'm doing. That pisses me off bad. Now I just take the forms & fill them out in my car or take a bunch to do at home first.

This is how I do it now as well.

Just mentally tell yourself "Just f*cking do it & it will be over!" I find yelling at myself like a bootcamp drill sergeant or like The Terminator (lol) helps not give a f*ck when I have bad anxiety. Mentally talk to yourself to calm you or kick your butt into action. Do anything that will help you no matter how foolish you think it is *hugs*

This is what I was talking about.

I've had similar issues in the past just doing everyday simple things as well. The more I started to just force myself to get things done, the easier things got. Really life forced me into it. It was either do it or be homeless. I used to take days or even weeks to call somewhere on the phone to ask questions. And I would never show up first if I could call. Then I got a job working at a call center for a year. Now it's nothing. I'd put no thought into picking up a phone and calling anywhere. It's just not something I have an issue with anymore.

If you keep going, getting out of your comfort zone, the fact that you are starting to accomplish things will build your confidence and self esteem to keep getting things done.

You might have to live with anxiety for your whole life. You have to learn to deal with it somehow.

 

[BreakingtheGirl]

Plus, some idiots are just nosy & looking at the addresses I'm writing or looking at what I'm doing. That pisses me off bad. Now I just take the forms & fill them out in my car or take a bunch to do at home first.

This is how I do it now as well.

Just mentally tell yourself "Just f*cking do it & it will be over!" I find yelling at myself like a bootcamp drill sergeant or like The Terminator (lol) helps not give a f*ck when I have bad anxiety. Mentally talk to yourself to calm you or kick your butt into action. Do anything that will help you no matter how foolish you think it is *hugs*

This is what I was talking about.

I've had similar issues in the past just doing everyday simple things as well. The more I started to just force myself to get things done, the easier things got. Really life forced me into it. It was either do it or be homeless. I used to take days or even weeks to call somewhere on the phone to ask questions. And I would never show up first if I could call. Then I got a job working at a call center for a year. Now it's nothing. I'd put no thought into picking up a phone and calling anywhere. It's just not something I have an issue with anymore.

If you keep going, getting out of your comfort zone, the fact that you are starting to accomplish things will build your confidence and self esteem to keep getting things done.

You might have to live with anxiety for your whole life. You have to learn to deal with it somehow.

Not sure if the last part is for me or Wayfarer, but in my case, I've been in Customer Service jobs since I was 16 now 28 (in person & over the phone). Speaking with people, hospitality, & dealing with customer complaints are my best assets. One of my favorite courses in college was Speech...except my attendance was horrible due to my anxiety. Yeah, I don't understand why I have anxiety except some superficial things I have problems with & some trauma from childhood. Probably got worse over the years...because LIFE!

Good advice about continually stepping out of comfort zones. I've been told this all the time & in therapy. It's hard though....and uncomfortable! Haha

 

[constant stranger]

Wayfarer, your story sounds so very familiar to me. I think I've been in pretty much the same kind of space, the shaking hands, sweating profusely, stammering, blushing, being convinced that people around me know what's going on and really laughing it up. At my age I don't give as much of an eff what people think these days and that seems to lower the pressure level.

Sorry if that seems patronizing so dig this: I don't know how to use a smartphone and that's probably my own personal next step: I expect to invest in an entry level device a few years out of date, and I'm deffo intimidated and I'm sure to look like an old fossil but you know what? It doesn't change anything. We're all on our own journey so I say let's just do the step we happen to be on and eff the people who think they can judge us. They got their own issues too and they're lying if they deny it.

 

[Wayfarer]

Thanks you all for your advice.
Yeah.. I guess I was looking for the easy way out but.. I guess there isn't one?
I'm trying to improve in this so bad and having not little trouble stepping out of my comfort zones.

@Volt: often it's not about thoughts but feeling the anxiety. I mean I prepare myself mentally and everything beforehand, I walk in there and it gets progressively worse..

@Tiina63: I know.. and in fact I tried to talk with the guy but I guess my low self esteem got in the way, seeing as he answered rudely and told me to get lost and get back only when I was finished. I guess some people don't treat their job seriously and don't want to work.

@LadyForsaken: Thanks. I guess I'll just have to continue stepping out of my comfort zone :S

@kamya: I don't know if I'm giving too many *****. I'm just trying to find a way to overcome this. Low self esteem surely plays a part in it but it's not the cause.

@coffeeaddict: I actually have a very bad memory already XD let's not think about using such medications then lol deep breathing techniques? they help actually but not that much.

@breakingthegirl: ahah apart from preparing beforehand (which I sometimes do) and taking the form at home, I'm the same.
I'll think about that but in the end bringing everything home is a way to avoid the problem and I'd like to deal with it. However it's still a sort of solution in the post office case, and since I have to get back there soon ( D: ) I'll surely consider it.

@constant stranger: yeah, I try to avoid feeling that way. But really, many times it's not me.. people are really unbelievable. They can go so far as talking bad about you ( = a stranger ) while you can still hear them... or as breakingthegirl said spy on you while you fill in forms in the post office, to make an example.

Of course further advice is more than welcome thanks for having taken the time to reply