R
Rosebolt
Guest
Hello.
This is a thread in which i want to apologise to Triple Bogey about what i said in the faces thread. I am making this public instead of pm because i want to talk about the larger scheme of things. I don't to waste space on good threads with my vocal trash, so i am making this thread.
Triple bogey, i am sorry for what i said to you in that and in other threads. I finally woke up and realised that i'm much worse a person than you will ever be. It's far too late, i know. I sincerely hope no damage has been done.
I want to thank Cavey for making me realise this. For opening my eyes. What i said in a rep point recently has only been magnified: I cannot describe with words how amazing i think you are. You've become an example for me. I feel you don't respect me now as much as you used to - and with good reason - so i'm not sure if this means anything, but it does to me. For what that's worth.
It finally dawned on me that what i feared has become reality. I am not at all the embodiment of what i preach. I've let myself down. I talk about being all lovely to each other. Recently, out of boredom, i typed my username, Rosebolt, in google. And this thread came up. It was saddening to see the amount of people that were actually and genuinely happy to see me back then. Only a small handful remain. Eve being the most stinging for me. Once joking and laughing together, now i feel you'd rather have me away from this place. I know it's all in my head, i know that past times often seem better, and that change is necessary and constant. But is the way i am changing the good way? I am doubting that now. I want to become what i preach, and i'm nowhere near that level, and i don't seem to get any closer. I'm doing things wrong, maybe even hurting people. And that's the exact opposite of what i want. I'm not doing the right thing, and i feel like i want to change that. Upon finding that thread i shrugged it off, thining that making enemies is good, means you're fighting for something. And i still believe that, but as i said earlier, i doubt that i am fighting the good fight. I don't fully realise what the good fight is, but i'm not getting any closer. So it's time to step back. Evaluate. Reorganize.
I know myself well enough that i won't be faithful to that. I'll log in and see the responses. Am i still liked. Am i indeed wrong. Am i getting the hate i deserve. All these pathetic thoughts i should've already rooted out years ago. But i'll try. I'll always keep trying. Hopefully without ever hurting someone ever again.
This is a thread in which i want to apologise to Triple Bogey about what i said in the faces thread. I am making this public instead of pm because i want to talk about the larger scheme of things. I don't to waste space on good threads with my vocal trash, so i am making this thread.
Triple bogey, i am sorry for what i said to you in that and in other threads. I finally woke up and realised that i'm much worse a person than you will ever be. It's far too late, i know. I sincerely hope no damage has been done.
I want to thank Cavey for making me realise this. For opening my eyes. What i said in a rep point recently has only been magnified: I cannot describe with words how amazing i think you are. You've become an example for me. I feel you don't respect me now as much as you used to - and with good reason - so i'm not sure if this means anything, but it does to me. For what that's worth.
It finally dawned on me that what i feared has become reality. I am not at all the embodiment of what i preach. I've let myself down. I talk about being all lovely to each other. Recently, out of boredom, i typed my username, Rosebolt, in google. And this thread came up. It was saddening to see the amount of people that were actually and genuinely happy to see me back then. Only a small handful remain. Eve being the most stinging for me. Once joking and laughing together, now i feel you'd rather have me away from this place. I know it's all in my head, i know that past times often seem better, and that change is necessary and constant. But is the way i am changing the good way? I am doubting that now. I want to become what i preach, and i'm nowhere near that level, and i don't seem to get any closer. I'm doing things wrong, maybe even hurting people. And that's the exact opposite of what i want. I'm not doing the right thing, and i feel like i want to change that. Upon finding that thread i shrugged it off, thining that making enemies is good, means you're fighting for something. And i still believe that, but as i said earlier, i doubt that i am fighting the good fight. I don't fully realise what the good fight is, but i'm not getting any closer. So it's time to step back. Evaluate. Reorganize.
I know myself well enough that i won't be faithful to that. I'll log in and see the responses. Am i still liked. Am i indeed wrong. Am i getting the hate i deserve. All these pathetic thoughts i should've already rooted out years ago. But i'll try. I'll always keep trying. Hopefully without ever hurting someone ever again.
